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Original poster

Am I peri menopausal/depressed/in need of ending my relationship

33 replies

palindromeam · 01/05/2019 15:13

Or possibly all three?

Periods still regular but cycle has changed for solid 32 days since forever to 21-29 day.

I want to kill most people. Everything annoys me. I want to cry and go back to bed ( because I feel knackered and because I want the world to go away).

Husband is getting the brunt of this. He is a good man. But I am finding his very existence at best a annoyance and at other times I just want him somewhere else before I kill him. Started looking at how much I could afford as a house if we were to split.

I feel so sad and hopeless. I work from the house, mostly alone.

I am knackered all the time.

I'm 47 - which is the age my father was when he died. This caused my brother to have a bit of a breakdown a couple of years ago when he hit this milestone. I don't want to copy that.

This feels like a mad place to be asking for help- but the posts from others do seem to reflect what I am feeling.

Any thoughts appreciated - but I will make a go appointment.

OP posts:
KaliforniaDreamz · 01/05/2019 15:16

Do not make any serious decisions right now DO NOT END YOUR MARRIAGE I REPEAT DO NOT....

Get thee to a GP and demand HRT.

good luck xxx

Meandyouandyouandme · 01/05/2019 15:32

Sorry to hear how bad you feel, I’m peri menopausal, and I’m 49, though I’m not depressed. I also work from home, but have made an effort to get out, do things and see friends. I also am planning on leaving my H, though this is because he is abusive and it’s taken till now to realise and for me to do something about it. I actually feel good in myself, and positive about the future.

So it’s possible that you might need a bit of help from your GP, rather than to leave, if your DH is a good man. Sadly mine isn’t and he’s not very nice to me, and I can’t see a future with him any more for my own sanity.

JinglingHellsBells · 01/05/2019 17:29

I think you need to separate out all of this.

1 see a good dr and maybe try HRT.
2 Have your iron level tested- you might be anaemic.
3 Join some clubs, groups, etc and meet new people or networking groups connected with your work?
4 see if all of this helps and it's not your DH that is the issue, it's hormonal.

Usernamealreadyexists · 03/05/2019 07:48

I’m 42 and pretty certain I’m peri. I have feelings of rage and impatience but once my period starts, it’s like a switch and I’m back to feeling normal. This is how I know my emotions are very hormonally driven. Self care is very important - keep fit, get your bloods done, high dose of stratflower oil. I’m also taking black cohosh/st John’s wort from H&B as this may help. Feeling your pain.

KOBr · 03/05/2019 08:03

I'm joining in. I recognise a lot of this from the last 4 years. I'm now 47.

I can't drink alcohol anymore because it turns me into a mad woman. Never had an issue before. Not that I was drinking a lot but even a little bit sets me off and I am wondering if this is why.

Also very impatient and short tempered. Little things annoy me which really shouldn't.

Definitely need to get out more which I'm trying to do!

sawyersfishbiscuits · 03/05/2019 08:06

ThanksCake For you OP.
I had a very similar post on here a few months ago. I've been taking Star flower oil and Floradix and I think that has helped.
It's probably time I went to the GP too. I had 2 periods last month. I work in a very physical job and I'm exhausted! Sad
Also getting a full range of Peri symptoms....

Definitely book an appointment, but try Star Flower, evening primrose etc in the meantime x

Original poster
palindromeam · 07/05/2019 13:27

Thanks for your responses. It helps to talk about with people who get it. Will have a look at those supplements.

I've talked to DH and we agreed to make positive effort with each other. And try counselling if this doesn't shift things. He has been extra good since and I've had a break from the mental whirlpool I'd got myself into. Feel a bit better.

I've also got a got a gp appointment for Friday. See what they think.

OP posts:
JinglingHellsBells · 07/05/2019 14:10

TBH you are going to waste money on some of those supplements. I have researched all of this as a health writer.
Evening P Oil is only good some of the time for helping with breast pain as part of PMS. It does nothing for menopausal issues.
Floridix is good for low iron so worth trying but best have your bloods done to see if you need more iron.

cricketballs3 · 07/05/2019 17:23

DH and I have nearly split 3 times in the last 2 years until I went for a blood test that confirmed I was peri at 47. Since starting HRT I didn't realise how bad a place I was in - even just being able to get some decent sleep has helped.

DH has since said he didn't know what he would come home to so responded by becoming withdrawn from the marriage as well.

Since HRT has done it's magic I'm back to 'normal' and our relationship back to how it was 5+ years ago

SchoolGateBeta · 07/05/2019 21:05

I'm in a similar position. As in peri and often wanting to leave relationship. And I work from home. I have digestion issues as well which are now much worse last few years.
I sometimes wonder if actually I should leave my relationship. He's nice. We get on but there isn't really emotional closeness and I crave that in middle age. I don't really want what was enough a few years back. Having said that I'm aware I may not find what I want and I've got a kid so I avoid instigating anything. Yet, it feels like my hormones may be trying to tell me something that I don't want to paper over.

Original poster
palindromeam · 07/05/2019 22:37

Schoolgatebeta - that's kind of what is worrying me. I don't want this for the rest of my life. But can't quite work out if it is the hormones or how I feel deep down.

OP posts:
Original poster
palindromeam · 07/05/2019 22:38

Cricketballs - this is good to hear. Trying to keep an open mind and see what the GP says. Glad you are happier and normal.

OP posts:
swearymad · 07/05/2019 22:44

Hi. Just echoing others - see GP and try HRT before making any big life changes. I started HRT a few months ago as my anxiety was getting out of hand. It's still early days but I feel a lot better. Looking back, I can see I was in a very bad place and I was really struggling with work/marriage/life.

All the best.

Frightenedbunny · 07/05/2019 23:04

Wow!! I could have written this post myself!! I’m 47, think I’m peri-menopausal. Periods have gone from being religiously every 28 days to approximately every 3 weeks. I have the occasional night sweat but have started with severe pmt, sore boobs and wanting to generally stab the dh. My sleeping pattern is shocking. I spend half of the night dreaming excessively, the other half wide awake. I wake up tired but unable to lie in. I then spend the day feeling tired, hoping for me bed. I generally have no interest In socialising. I have piled weight on but just constantly crave carbs and rubbish food. My body constantly aches in some shape or form.
I too, deep down think I want more from my relationship. We get on as we can live together and share space but we aren’t in love as such. Sex is non-existent and we don’t really have emotional connection. Sometimes I just feel fat and frumpy and way passed it. I also work from home so some days I only ever see dh and our children. Not sure where my life is going right now and not sure if it’s the hormones or a genuine desire to change my life. I guess I need to see a gp too 😢

Original poster
palindromeam · 08/05/2019 08:18

@Frightenedbunny what you are experiencing so closely matches how I feel - I'm welling up! Bloody hormones!

I think the advice to take small steps and see gp is the one I am holding onto. I'll update after Friday when I have seen her.

Sending you some massive virtual support and empathy. We will get through this

OP posts:
Onthebrink67 · 08/05/2019 17:49

Lurking here and can identify with what people are saying. Relationship lacks any emotional connection not helped by DH,s depression. We haven’t had sex for a while and although we get on ok conversations are based around home , kids etc. Before doing anything drastic I need to sort out hormones and how I feel about myself (fat and past it at the moment). It’s amazing to hear others have the same feelings.

Frightenedbunny · 08/05/2019 23:06

@palindromeam & @onthebrink67 we have got this. I read all my concerns I listed yesterday and realised I can’t hide no more, I need to go to my gp. Will keep you all posted. Xx

JinglingHellsBells · 09/05/2019 08:38

Maybe do some self analysis on your relationships(s)?

It sounds as if it's time to take a look at what's going on there, and not assume it's all hormonal.

Frightenedbunny · 09/05/2019 15:11

JinglingHellsBells I am not hiding behind my hormones, I really get that my relationship needs reviewing but at the moment I need to feel better in myself and have clarity about what I want. I can’t have that when I’m feeling so tired, crap and almost agitated with everything. Sometimes I don’t even enjoy my children and that’s not because they’re being naughty or pains, I just feel disconnected from relationships. I need to rule out medical conditions first and foremost x

JinglingHellsBells · 09/05/2019 15:30

I understand that but also think a lot of it is the stage of life you are at.
There are things you might need to address that are not connected with hormones.
ie make some inroads into your weight? Try the 5:2 diet, join My Fitness Pal? If you can't get started or find the oomph to do it, you may be suffering from peri meno depression in which case HRT is perhaps the thing to try next.

Likewise, loads of people work from home but if it's not for you and you feel isolated, perhaps it's time to re-think that? Or join some networking groups and meet other women like yourself.

Again, if you can't even get started, then it is perhaps your hormones but 3 months trial of HRT should help you see if it is.

goth13 · 15/05/2019 08:29

just watched bbc menopause week and tried to tell to my partner what’s going on with me, but.... received just comments that I’m idiot and need to be locked in mental clinic... I’m 52 and just started HRT in March.

JinglingHellsBells · 15/05/2019 12:19

@goth13

I'm afraid he'd now be an ex -partner if he talked to me like that.

You deserve better than being with a complete tosser.

goth13 · 15/05/2019 13:18

you right, just so difficult to find job at that age . If I can work myself and survive without his finances I would run away from him.

JinglingHellsBells · 15/05/2019 16:20

You're only 52! I retrained at 50 and again for something to run alongside it at 55.

Be positive- there IS work you can do and staying with a man like this is demeaning and soul destroying.

goth13 · 15/05/2019 17:01

thank you for support, will try to change my life

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