Husband of 30 years

[WillTurtle]

I don’t recognise my wife after 30 years together and two fantastic late teenage boys. We have lived abroad, live in a nice neighbourhood back in the U.K. now and have a great circle of friends. But my wife’s anxiety over everything is almost unbearable and there is nothing I can say that does not come without a rebuff or comment. Separate beds tonight after another row ... I can’t do right for doing wrong. Any help gratefully received, I fear this might be the end of all that we have built, but there seems to be little that I can do now ... perhaps it’s me and I should just smell the coffee.

I understand Queen and your posts are indeed very valuable but sometimes the tone comes across that any women with issues should automatically go on hrt because nothing else will help in the same way.

Yes it is possible to take hrt with high blood pressure, or if smoking but doing so could increase cardiovascular risks. These might be small but they are still there so it's not unreasonable to try other medications or even learning to live with symptoms rather than increasing risks factors which are already there. It's a balancing act like it is for most medication we take.

Antidepressants can be a totally life changing drug for many people like hrt is. For others it won't be. They are some risks associated with both but it might be that in OP's case, the risks with AD are lesser and worth trying first at least. I don't think we can say that a clinician is out of order for suggesting that approach.

Yes it is possible to take hrt with high blood pressure, or if smoking but doing so could increase cardiovascular risks

I'm sorry but your opinion is incorrect and I don't think it's good to a) derail the original post and b) invent 'risks' when the links I left from doctors say otherwise.

I'm linking to medical sites, not posting an opinion.

I felt very anxious during the early stages of the menopause. HRT was a life saver for me, I'll stay on it for life now. I'd highly recommend that your wife should see her GP and start on some HRT. it can't hurt and it's so good for all the other horrible symptoms as well. Good luck.

It is unbelievable how estrogen loss can affect the personality and the way the brain functions.
I strongly believe that your wife maybe need professional help and treatment.
It is crucial for you to understand her needs and that maybe her changes are not caused by you but because of hormonal causes.

@WillTurtle my husband used to make the mistake of saying things like:"what's wrong with you? You're in a bad mood". This kind of 'aggressive' questioning can be, at best, unhelpful; at worst, life-threatening! If there is any possibility that your responses to her debilitating situations are anything less then kind or helpful, then please make every effort to re-word your comments to her. And remember, she WIILL eventually come through this phase. If she manages it with your gentle support you'll both be all the better for it. Good luck XX