What is going on and what can I do as I can't carry on like this?

[Itsfab]

I have PMT and it has been mostly under control with Agnus Castus, however for the last few cycles things have changed and it is causing problems. I actually have the day where I feel I dislike everyone while I am on my period, instead of a day the week before. I feel really low as I am bleeding and I am on for longer and they feel heavier in the beginning. Yesterday was horrible. DH was annoyed with me and that upset me and I couldn't snap out of it. I knew I was being horrible but we were all out with extended family and I ended up sitting my car on my own for over an hour away from everyone.

This morning I have woken early and couldn't get back to sleep. I have come downstairs and DS2 is already up so I will get no time on my own just to potter about and the house is a complete mess including the kitchen. I feel like I just want out. I want some space. Was supposed to be meeting up with my oldest friend today but I have cancelled as the kids have been vile and I just couldn't face a 6 hour drive there and back with them sniping at each other.

I feel trapped, like I did when I had depression, and I need my hormones under control as I can't see my family liking me for much longer if it carries on .

That sounds tough!

How old are you, and do you have any other menopausal symptoms than cycle going (even more) cranky?

I am 42. I don't think I am having any more symptoms but other than hot flushes I don't know what they would be. I am embarrassingly not informed.

I asked in Boots and the lady said she couldn't recommend anything as I am already taking Agnus Castus and Starflower but did say maybe I need a blood test, especially as I feel tired a lot too. I have felt tired for years. I have three kids!! . I don't sleep late and even if I wake up before 6/7 on a weekend if I start thinking of what needs doing I have to get up as I can't settle then.

Could you be suffering from the beginnings of depression again?
It also does sound like you are per menopausal. All these changes are normal but challenging to say the least.

Sounds like you need some me time. What are you interested in? What can you do, how can you take a day off for yourself?

Something to look forward to each week, something to think about or plan during the rest of the week. Perhaps try some st johns wort to improve your mood, or hrt?

I think I will always have an element of depression but it isn't a massive problem atm.

I have had no free time for weeks - other than an hour to do the food shop without the kids .

DH now has 4 days off and I would love free time but there never seems any time available with the kids to look after and the house to sort/clean/tidy.

My 13 year old is a rude sod and I am sick of that. I just feel everyone takes me for granted and no one thinks of me as I do everyone else. Today I bought nice lunch for DS1 and DD but didn't bother getting the salad I fancied as it was money I didn't really need to spend as there was soup in the cupboard I could have and money is running low this month. I hate how I martyr myself at times unconsciously but some of it is not feeling worth it. For instance, we all went to the cinema. DH got everyone a drink. I didn't bother as they are always £££ at the cinema. When I was a kid I lived in a foster home where all the proper kids would get bought stuff and I wouldn't even when stood right there. I wouldn't dare say I wanted something, they never offered and that was that. Totally ridiculous to still feel it now and I am such a prat.

Itsfab that is sad....and its horrible that it goes on. Sorry that you had that experience. What kind of people do that? Is it possible that you can change things for you now, in small steps? Sorry, not trying to sound patronising.... starting with very small things for yourself, and working up? You are as entitled to a cinema drink, same as everyone else. I sympathise about the teenagers...mine is just starting to become less rude, at 16. x

I think it would be very good therapy for you to spend a little money on yourself OP. It sends a message to your inner child that you love and care for her and that you feel she is worth it. x

*UncrushedParsley- the kind of people who decided to foster a child as it would look good and give the "mother" something to take her mind of her lover . The kind of people who were vile to me always.

Today I did what I wanted. We were invited for lunch at PIL so DH took the kids and I stayed at home. Admittedly I spent the whole time ironing, cleaning, making bread, doing admin, odd jobs, hoovering and painted the wall but I was happy. I had peace and quiet. Didn't have to deal with disciplining the kids - who obviously weren't too bad at PIL - and didn't have to be sociable when I just wanted space.

I feel I over react when the kids play up and it is ME that escalates things and makes thing worse. I should know by now me getting cross or upset doesn't have any effect on the kids. It doesn't make them realise they need to behave. When they came home I ignored the kids when they were being pests and it faded away. I know it is all my fault. I just need to find a way to ignore and sometimes I am just tired of it all.

This week I will spend my birthday money. I have had it for months and have considered using it for groceries but I won't. I will spend it on the child who got nothing. Maybe on some shoes as mine never fit as a kid.

If I'm reading your post right and your periods are longer and heavier it might be something as simple as anaemia, it's amazing how being even slightly anaemic can make you feel really rotten.

Shoes sounds like a good plan. But not too sensible :)

OP, I was like this at the beginning of the menopause and know how you feel.
I hated everybody, couldn't cope and one time had my packs packed to leave the family, dc as well .
It is totally hormonal and not normally a sign of depression, but obviously I don't know you, so can't 100% say.
It does get better and easier, but the question is what you can do to help yourself.
I found counting to ten and rationalising really helped. Telling myself it was temporary and would get better, talking to dh also helped.
I told him I wasn't myself and how stupid and out of control it all made me feel. I found that the family were sympathetic when they knew what was happening.
Take care of yourself and open up to your family, find some you space once a week if possible.
FWIW, the doctor told me that quite often the most severe symptoms meant you were finished quicker, with me completely done in a year.

Sorry, meant to add. Be careful with your contraception during this time. You may think its the least of your worries but so many people get caught around this time, including me DD is now 10 and I was an early menopause.

Anaemia sounds right if I am right in thinking it makes you tired? I often feel I could drop off in the afternoon if I sit down. I usually do all my errands and jobs in the house in the morning but if I sit for lunch and don't carry on I can feel myself nodding off.

I can't walk in heels so live in boots and converse but want something different. Just no idea what.

No chance of a late baby . Dh has been snipped.

What I had no idea about is how topsy turvy everything feels. Feeling hateful and low while on. Appearing to ovulate sooner than 14 days which is really making me confused.

Thanks everyone. You have really helped [chocolate eggs].

Hi i think it wouldn't hurt as suggested to get checked for anemia /pernicious anemia.
Why do you run yourself ragged when dh has 4 days off???could her pay for someone else to do your ironing.
Don't be ashamed to schedule a nap as often as you can in the afternoon.
abroad on the continent it's standard practice even with women who feel fine and are not premenopausal.

i'd seriously consider ditching the starflower oil as i don't think it can be taken together with the agnus castus.How much A.C.do you take and in what form and what are your SFOil dosages.

for heavy flow i have tried 2 herbs in teas: lady's mantle and yarrow (not together!) and they both work.
TRy them 2nd half of your cycle, after ovulation.

It is fine to take the starflower with the AC. I have checked.

Holland & Barrett have changed the AC so is now in tablet form to be taken one a day. Currently I am taking 4 capsules a day.

I have decided to listen more to my body and try and put myself first sometimes. Currently I am last and it gets me down at times.

This morning DD was horrible to DS2 and I felt she was gas lighting me when she denied saying what I heard her say. Then I doubt myself as she is so convincing. I then spend the day worrying about him as sometimes if I have told her off in the morning she is horrible to him at school, and has had enough difficulties without her making things worse, and she goes in and has a nice day not thinking about either of us. I decided instead of rushing home to clear up after them, etc I would buy myself some jeans and a nice lunch. Had to order the jeans but have got a nice lunch and have left her mess for her to deal with.

I have planted some flowers in the garden, enjoyed the fun that is the cats having a treat stick and just taking it easy. Might go mad later and paint my nails .

it sounds like you have found your relaxation already.
maybe you are suffering from a touch of sad syndrome and you haven't fully recovered from the winter just gone?you need some sunshine?

in this week's times supplement they advertise vit D sprays easy to use, apparently recommended by the dpt of health, to supplement lack of sunshine.
and also in last week's you magazine sarah stacey - who has written a book on the menopause - recommends magnesium, it's a well known stres buster, in bathwater - the good old epsom salts!

Personnally i have started taking a lot of vitC both in fizzy tablets and foodstuff, however i don't buy anymore the cheap tablets because they were not effective, i use more expensive brands and i can feel the difference.

do you grow foodstuffs in your garden or just decorative flowers?

I think DD is opposing you because she feels you are protecting your boy, and you are protecting him because he's being teased too much...
a vicious circle.
but it's no good if she lies.How old is she?

Where have you checked about the SFoil?

I painted my nails finally last night but then this morning had some bad news so had a cry in the car then came home and made a pear gingerbread cake. I bake when sad or my mind needs clearing.

I have grown food but not currently doing so. Oh, I forgot. I have a plant in the garden but can't remember what it is!

She is 10. Very bright and thinks she is more grown up than she is though tbf was born old.

I haven't checked. I was told by two doctors and a herbalist it was fine.

itsfab i don't have time to expand but i still think 4 capsules of starflower oil is a bit much.
according to my info it is not really recommended in high doses if heavy periods, and also it contains omega 6 more than 3 and we want omegas 3!
unless you eat a lot of fish it's going to disrupt something and might give you symptoms.

glad you found your own calm inducing activities!

I am not taking 4 capsules of starflower oil. I am taking one. The four capsules were AC which is what I posted above. They have changed it now and it is one tablet of AC a day.

ok now i understand!;)

it's great you sound better, from finding your inner Nigella !

the holiday break is approaching, hopefully your DD will be able to lokk forward to some activities which will distract her from her brother?
What if you promised her something for that time if she leaves him be?
she's started on the great teenage rebellion...

Or could she spend some nights at relative s? (granny's?)

i wish i had a garden.

it's dandelions season now and i'll be looking for some young salad leaves.
did u know they're good for absolutely everything, digestion, kidneys, bones,general immunity... we think of dandelion as a weed but it's more a superfood ! And free for all!
With lemon juice drizzle...
have a good we.

Going purely on your physical symptoms...

My lovely lovely GP (who is also 40-something and female) ran a blood test and found rampaging anaemia, due to my heavier and longer peri-menopausal periods. She prescribed Ferrous fumerate (the iron tablets that don't give you black poo) and Tranexamic Acid (which basically cut periods down to size). It's been a total RESULT!!! I am no longer a moody cowbag who falls asleep at five in the afternoon and grumps at her children, but back to a reasonably compos mentis business owner in charge of her life.

I am glad you are feeling better, AlpacaLypse. Is there something I can do without having to go to the doctors? You have to be almost dead to get an appointment as the receptionist asks what is wrong and decided if you are ill enough to be seen . Would a nurse be able to help as I can usually see a nurse slightly easier.

I am tired a lot. Waking up around 6 every day doesn't help. Dh is asleep still. He will appear at some point and ask me why I was up so early as if I choose to be!!

Unless your GP's receptionist is medically qualified it isn't her job to act as Triage - but that's a whole other thread.

Seeing a nurse would be a start, she (or he) can always refer you on to the GP, thus bypassing the dragon on the desk!

Oh and I think both my drugs are prescription only. The Ferrous fumerate I know is something like a hundred times stronger than any over-the-counter supplement.

Demand to see your GP and refuse to tell the receptionist why, or change GP. You need proper blood tests and proper medical advice.
If your car wasn't working properly would you just change the oil and maybe buy super unleaded rather than unleaded; or would you go to a garage and get it seen by professionals.

There are a whole range of reasons for your symptoms, you will only properly find out what if you see a professional.