QuietOne
I really wanted to respond to your thread as it struck so many chords with me. I am shy in certain situations,but not all the time. When I had my dd, I assumed (as that was what I had been told) that I would meet lots of other mothers and have a great social life. I found that it didn't really happen, in that most of the parent and toddler groups I went to were remarkably unfriendly (others I have got to know since, also felt the same). I think that when you stop working and have a child, your life is so changed that you can loose confidence. This certainly happened to me. However what I realised was that whilst some people at these groups didn't talk to anyone but their friends, others didn't communicate because they were shy and didn't know what to say.
Your strength is that you have realised that you may find certain situations difficult, and that you are looking for ways to deal with it. It really bothered me that I didn't initially meet people, as I as concerned that it would impact on my dd. I then remembered that someone at work who I would never describe as shy, had told me that she had also found it difficult. I think that one of the problems is that we assume that we may have things in common with others in groups, but at the end of the day, the only common factor is that we have a child.
As a result of all this, I made a point of talking to any new people who joined, who I thought looked interesting. I also decided just to attend one well-run group, where everyone mixed.
Have you thought about helping with the PTA at your child's school? If you offered to carry out a particular task, you could just get on with the job and you might find that you met other mothers along the way. It would be less difficult than the situation of waiting outside the playground. You would also meet parents outside your child's year group and just because they would be a arger group, there would be more potential for finding common interests.
I've two other suggestions - you could join an adult education class. It's a bit of a cliche, but has worked for me in the past. Also, does your child play on your local swings? Now that the weather is good, if you went everyday, you would probably see the same people. I have found that although this is unlikely to lead to deep friendships (though whose to say that it couldn't), there are people who I would know just to say hello to when I am walking around.
I can't say that I have made lots of friends through my dd - it is also complicated by the fact that I work - however I have made a couple.