Bearinthebigbluehous - I think what you have just described is exactly how I felt when I first moved here - I found it really really hard (still do sometimes) to settle down and learn to keep my opinions to myself. I know that in the last 10 years I have completely changed as a person and I do feel very hemmed in sometimes.
I remember when I first came up to visit my then boyfriend (now dh) dropped me back to Central Station - at a red traffic light I saw a mother with a baby and toddler waiting to cross and a soldier with gun raised standing beside them. The child didn't seem to notice and it really shocked me at the time. I thought what a terrible place to bring up a child........ and here I am!!
I have got used to the 'sights' (which have obviously improved in recent years) and don't really pay too much heed, but just reading your post reminded how I was always on edge when I first visited and lived here.
btw none of my friends in Dublin have ever brought their children to visit here (even now). One even said to me bluntly that she couldn't risk visiting me as she 'has responsibilities now'. That hurt - does she think I would have my children here if I thought for 2 seconds that they were at risk! I think any city is as dangerous.
I must admit if my dh would move I would probably leave tomorrow but I have got used to all that stuff and am happy enough now. We have always had the understanding that if there was a hint of trouble (we would be perceived to be a mixed marriage - God, I don't usually admit that!!) we would move immediately, but 10 years down the road no problems at all.
Anyway, sorry for going on, as you said you just got me thinking.
btw you MUST miss the 11th night bonfires - the mess before and after (have never been to one) is soooooooooooooo bad - I can't believe they cannot organise something to reduce the eyesore!