Want to be a nurse so badly but anxiety is crippling me

[blonderoastvanillaicedlatte]

What the title says really.

Unfortunately due to really bad anxiety and low mood (have told the uni this and have a sick note), I’ve missed the first few weeks of my nursing placement and feel as though I’ve made a really bad impression. I even told the ward sister how I was feeling and she ignored me completely. I feel as though I need to force myself to go in despite how I’m feeling just to get my epad signed off on this placement that I have been in but I feel so embarrassed due to how much of a bad impression I’ve made and the constant chopping and changing of my shifts.

The anxiety I was feeling for starting is just heightened with how bad of a first impression I’ve made.

Any advice on how to just brave it and go in and not worry with the first impression I’ve made (even when the sister ignored my email explaining why I was off 🫠) ?

I have support from the uni in the form of well-being sessions to manage my anxiety but I'd just like to know I'm not alone in feeling like this and if you've found anything to help if you've experienced this before?

I'm a second year student nurse if that helps? First placement of the year.

Hi there, just wanted to send you some support! I hope you are feeling better now, and that you will be able to go to your nursing placement. Try to do your best, and don't be embarrassed. I am rooting for you! Good Luck!

I'm second year and tbh I could've written this. Keep going - you can do it! I've missed time and it's been touch and go for me. Strange as meeting me you'd never guess - I'm very outgoing and confident but the anxiety can be massive.

Are you medicated for your anxiety? I’m a second year student midwife and there are so many in my cohort that are down on hours due to issues with MH, and various other stresses that come with being a mature student.

I suffer with anxiety and I’m on medication, which helps massively. However, it still rears its ugly head from time to time and I constantly feel like an imposter whilst on placement.

The training is tough and the fact you’ve made it this far is a testament to your strength. Be kind to yourself ♥️

I couldn't thank you all enough for your kindness ❤️

I'm hoping the time off will give me a chance to reflect and cope with the emotions! I can't help worrying about going in but then I want too so much it's just never ending. 😔

@SkaneTos @OrlandointheWilderness @Mama05070704

Not sure if you are on meds but beta blockers are great for the physical symptoms of anxiety if your gp can prescribe. Good luck and just try and grit your teeth and go in asap.

Surely if you are still unwell you can't go in?
I would expect that you would have to just repeat the placement?
It sounds like your anxiety is driving this.

I don't mean to be unkind but likely a student nurse is the least of her worries and she probably has 700 emails awaiting so she just hasn't seen it yet.
Concentrate on getting better.
Again meant kindly but if this is a long term thing , is nursing with all the pressures really for you?

@NeshNamechanger I have come to the conclusion that it isn't so much the nursing profession that is the issue - personally I love nursing, I enjoy working with my patients and I'm good at it. It is this particular stage that is the training. Generally as a student nurse you aren't particularly welcome on a busy ward where people resent having someone following them around. Staff can be a little frosty to downright rude. You are forever finding your feet somewhere knew and just when you get comfortable you leave! You of course get the staff who are wonderful but they tend to be the exception.
It's like perpetually being the new girl.

You explained it perfectly and definitely more professionally than me! It's the constant being the new girl wherever you go and as much as you might think nurses or ward sisters are so helpful and kind, for some (not all!) that is absolutely not the case.

I'll probably get flamed for this but please OP, have a serious think about if this is what you really want. Nursing is 5% caring for people the other 95% is paperwork, stress, trying to do the job of 7 people, verbal (sometimes physical) abuse, bullying, bullying and bullying. It's always been a stressful job but the past 10 years it's gotten horrific. I'm in the process of retraining so I can leave nursing and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone until major changes are implemented. I also have old colleagues who were the 'born to be a nurse' type also leaving.

5 years ago I'd have said to stick with it, there will be good days and bad days but not now.

That's the nature of being a student though, you have to do different placements.

I found offering to help and getting stuck in better than following someone around.
Are they frosty or just busy and stressed.
I find it helpful to not jump to conclusions about what people are thinking but to reframe things.
Staff are on their knees.
If you can't cope with this then how will you cope with the challenges of being a nurse with your own patients?
Challenging Dr's, speaking up for your patient, dealing with aggressive relatives.

Yes @NeshNamechanger, being student nurses we are definitely aware of how the placement system works! And I always get stuck in, always. But you still have moments where you need to be with people because we can't trot off and do meds rounds for example by ourselves! And yes, frosty and rude are things experienced. I have actually had people turn round and say ' for gods sake, not another student. What am I meant to do with you!?'. Which is obviously part of a bigger problem within their role, but in my mind it is completely unacceptable and downright rude to talk to someone that way. At the end of the day they are paid extra to have us, we are paying to learn there and I don't care how under pressure you are, there is no excuse for bad manners. I will always, always try 100% but the strain and pressure of being a student IS real, and it is not a failing to admit you feel that.

Oh and challenging doctors, advocating for patients and dealing with aggressive relative are all things I am 100% comfortable with! 😂

Have you escalated this?
I always love having students but it sounds like you are training somewhere awful.
It's completely unacceptable.

" They are paid extra to have us"

Don't understand who is being paid extra??

Escalation is a tricky one. I have worked on a particularly tricky ward, and yes I escalated it. The student there after me also escalated it. To absolutely no avail. The rest of the time, to be brutally honest, you put up with it as obviously we need to pass the placements to progress. Currently the ward I am on is not the best - people are generally civil however I have concerns about the level of care there which mean I will raise it, but I am very aware this can have repercussions!
The places that accept students get financial recompense from the uni.

I meant did you escalate with Uni or the Pre Reg team?
Tbh if someone spoke to me like that I would remind them of their NMC guidelines or the trust values.
Firmly !

If that doesn't work use the Uni escalation process-its so unacceptable .
Ime Uni will step on it straight away if you use the formal process,they have to.
If they have half their students off with MH issues or large attrition rates they will act.
On the bright side rotations mean you can leave a shitty placement and never look back!
Your average RN isn't involved in who pays what but the trust should if they want to attract future RNs.

If you have done all that then I don't know what else you can do.
I'm so sorry

Uni. Oh I don't take it, I'm old enough that my bullshit tolerance is far lower! But the young student do and I know it affects a lot of them.
The placement system has definitely let me know where I DON'T want to work! 😂
Thank you. There are very very good and lovely members of staff on every team I have found, even ones with horrible ones! It makes such a massive difference. My absolute best placement was a UTC. It was a small unit staffed by ANPs and one HCA, and they were the most supportive, wonderful people ever. The genuinely enjoyed sharing their knowledge and I learned a huge amount with them. I used to go home buzzing, and I cried buckets when I left!
Even on the bad wards I have seen enough to know I'm doing the right thing - my patients are a joy and every day there is something that makes me smile. I just try to block out the crap! 😂 😂

Any advice on how to just brave it and go in and not worry with the first impression I’ve made (even when the sister ignored my email explaining why I was off 🫠) ?

Going back to this.
It's sounds like you manage well with the staff but possibly have high expectations/ perfectionist tendencies ( ask me how I know!)
In all honesty you have no idea what the ward manager is thinking about you and I doubt she or anyone else is thinking about this, realistically YOU think you have made a bad impression when it's unlikely they have given a student who isn't there much thought.
99% of judgement is from within us, you simply don't know what other people are thinking !
Your email is probably sitting there with 1000 others she is trying to get a grip on.
It has helped me enormously to think in a different way and not jump to conclusions .
Far better to get well and then redo the placement.
Are Uni supporting you?

The trusts are paid extra for having students, I think that’s what PP was referring to.

Yes I know, I'm a senior HCP
I didn't understand why Op thought anyone on the ward would be aware of or even interested in this.

I’m sure they’re not interested and are unlikely to care when they have a student to supervise, it addition to the multitude of other things they have to do. Your question wasn’t clear.

The ward sister is probably trying to do you a favour by NOT making any formal note or recognition that you exhibited anxiety at work. She's given you two chances so far.

If you intend to work as a nurse then you'll need to make yourself turn up on shift as required. It's really up to you.

Yes exactly but Ops point was confusing.
It read like she/he was referring to the ward staff.
Tbh it's not a bad idea 😉they would be queueing up to supervise students.
Yes it's part of the role but like everything there's zero reward or recognition so people don't bother .

I don't think nursing is the job for you from what you've written. Maybe it's time to rethink your career plan. Its not for everyone.

The university are incredibly supportive. I think the main issue is instead of seeking help about the issues; the feelings and emotions have spiralled and caused this. Funnily enough I was absolutely fine during my first year placements but the panic of expectations being a second year have just spiralled.

That sounds so familiar!
One of the things that's really helped me is understanding why in anxiety, we jump to the worst scenario or make assumptions.
It's because it takes away the uncertainty iyswim.
I can assure you the,Ward manager has got a million things on her mind such as rosters, short staffing , incident reports, meetings etc and won't even be giving it a second thought. Or judging you.

Deep breaths and I hope you can get some support, a few good shifts and hopefully it will break the spiral.