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Mature study and retraining

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Original poster

Sexist External Trainer. Who should I tell?

30 replies

NormanSicily · 15/03/2023 15:16

Hello,
I' ve been mulling this over and it's pissing me off the more I consider it. I undertook some training this week as I am due to start a placement as part of my degree. The training was supplied by an external provider and no Uni members of staff were present. This trainer was trying to make the point that most accidents and injuries happen in the home due to lack of policies and procedures as you would find in formal workplaces. Fine. However, they chose to illustrate this point by asking me (Oldest there, rest all school leavers) if I was married. When i confirmed that I was (too gobsmacked to come up with a refusal). They then proceeded to ask me how my husband went about DIY. Sorry, what?! Assuming I'm married, assuming I must have a husband, and assuming that as a male he would be responsible for any DIY at home.
The trainer also asserted that 'All Americans are mental' when talking about litigation and first aiders.
None of this was ok was it? Or am I being over sensitive? So, who do I mention this to? I don't want to cause trouble but I do reckon the trainer would do with a bit of training themself....

OP posts:
PlateBilledDuckyPerson · 15/03/2023 19:33

Is there a specific tutor supervising you on your placement? I would start there - ask them how you can give feedback. It does sound crap. I've had similar assumptions made about me in work-based external training.

WomensLandArmy · 15/03/2023 19:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

PlateBilledDuckyPerson · 15/03/2023 19:42

Do you have any liaison point directly with the university as yet?

EmmaEmerald · 15/03/2023 19:44

I’d tell whoever organised the placement

if they ask similar again, tell them they are in the wrong century.

RoseBucket · 15/03/2023 19:50

You should have challenged him at the time.

carriedout · 15/03/2023 19:58

None of this was ok, you are not over reacting.

It is often hard to challenge in the moment, you are entitled to complain in retrospect. You did nothing wrong.

Contact whoever organised the training at the university.

Original poster
NormanSicily · 15/03/2023 20:26

RoseBucket · 15/03/2023 19:50

You should have challenged him at the time.

Indeed, thanks for that, very helpful.

OP posts:
TomAllenWife · 15/03/2023 20:38

Why are you gobsmacked at them assuming you have a husband when you already said you were married?
Because you wanted them to ask if your partner was female?
But if they did you'd be offended at that too

I'm very bored of the terminally offended.
Yes you're overreacting
I couldn't get my panties in a wad about this

And personally I find most Americans a bit nuts 💁🏼‍♀️

Original poster
NormanSicily · 15/03/2023 20:40

TomAllenWife · 15/03/2023 20:38

Why are you gobsmacked at them assuming you have a husband when you already said you were married?
Because you wanted them to ask if your partner was female?
But if they did you'd be offended at that too

I'm very bored of the terminally offended.
Yes you're overreacting
I couldn't get my panties in a wad about this

And personally I find most Americans a bit nuts 💁🏼‍♀️

Wow

OP posts:
goinggoinggoneagain · 15/03/2023 20:42

To make a formal complaint seems really over the top. When stuff like this happens, you just nip it in the bud straight away with 'you're assuming I'm married to a man and that only men do DIY?'

When challenged like that most people rapidly back down or apologise. I'm a big fan of just calling it out when it happens and leaving it there.

Original poster
NormanSicily · 15/03/2023 20:49

goinggoinggoneagain · 15/03/2023 20:42

To make a formal complaint seems really over the top. When stuff like this happens, you just nip it in the bud straight away with 'you're assuming I'm married to a man and that only men do DIY?'

When challenged like that most people rapidly back down or apologise. I'm a big fan of just calling it out when it happens and leaving it there.

I don't want to make a formal complaint, that is the point. But I do think it needs addressing. I agree with you about calling it out but sitting on the other end of a keyboard hearing a story and stating how you would react in a the same situation is very easy. Being present at the time I was not prepared for those sort of questions, The trainer was in a position of power (could pass or fail us), I was in front of a group of relative strangers and in a strange setting. So, bearing that in mind, should I now just shrug my shoulders and let it go, or try a way of informing someone that something really less than ideal had happened?

OP posts:
TomAllenWife · 15/03/2023 20:52

<gasp> imagine if something 'less than ideal' happens in your life!!!!

Call 101 and log it

Original poster
NormanSicily · 15/03/2023 20:54

TomAllenWife · 15/03/2023 20:52

<gasp> imagine if something 'less than ideal' happens in your life!!!!

Call 101 and log it

You can have a difference of opinion and state it politely and pleasantly you know? Are you this pugnacious in real life, or do you just prefer rudeness to strangers asking for advice?

OP posts:
Lady1576 · 15/03/2023 21:05

Yes I think you are overreacting. The trainer made some assumptions as people sometimes do in life, because lots of people fit the cliche. They have a ‘spiel’ to make boring training slightly more entertaining. He was trying to involve people in the training, and he doesn’t know you yet so has made assumptions. It seems like he’s not the most sensitive or witty of people, but next time, if he’s been complained against, he’ll deliver the content like robot.

Original poster
NormanSicily · 15/03/2023 21:12

Lady1576 · 15/03/2023 21:05

Yes I think you are overreacting. The trainer made some assumptions as people sometimes do in life, because lots of people fit the cliche. They have a ‘spiel’ to make boring training slightly more entertaining. He was trying to involve people in the training, and he doesn’t know you yet so has made assumptions. It seems like he’s not the most sensitive or witty of people, but next time, if he’s been complained against, he’ll deliver the content like robot.

It's interesting that of those who have assumed the sex of the trainer, both have decided on male!
See, this is probably where I am at BUT we have had soooooo much diversity and equality and inclusivity training for this course (an allied health profession) that it just seems so incongruous to suddenly encounter someone with attitudes from the 1950s and who uses language such as 'mental' about whole nations of people, and who makes such basic sexually stereotyped assumptions. I don't know. It felt very invasive to be put on the spot and asked personal questions. What if I was in the middle of a divorce, what if my spouse had died? etc etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
NormanSicily · 15/03/2023 21:15

And I have been on plenty of training courses that have been very engaging and well-presented but without recourse to cliched stereotypes and personal questions. i don't think it's a choice between one or the other! A good trainer is a good trainer. In fact the afternoon session with another trainer was excellent and they managed not to be sexist, ableist or ask for personal information.

OP posts:
Lady1576 · 16/03/2023 06:00

Yes I do get it. I’ve been on similar training before too. If there has been lots of emphasis placed on inclusivity then as you say, I think the organisation should be made aware that this trainer could require some of that training too.

Macaroni46 · 16/03/2023 06:04

I think the point is that's it bothering you. It wouldn't bother me but a) I wasn't there and b) I'm not you.
I'd mention it to your immediate supervisor.

torquewench · 16/03/2023 06:13

So now I'm assuming all of the trainer's assumptions were incorrect.

Is this the first time a stranger's made assumptions about you in your life?

It's subjectively annoying, but hardly worth reporting them over.

category12 · 16/03/2023 06:16

There's generally a feedback form or channel for external training, I'd use that.

nocookiesnocream · 16/03/2023 06:21

He's probably not wrong though

It's ok for people to be intuitive. I tend to take things in the manner they are said, do you think he intended to cause offence?

Or on the balance of probability you are more likely to be married to a man and men usually are disproportionately responsible for DIY

Eeaieeaioh · 16/03/2023 06:28

It’s so easily solved by trainer though once they are made aware this is a pretty sexist way to illustrate the point. You just ask the group ´who likes doing DIY at home? And if no one answers ´what about partner’s? Anyone got a partner who does all the DIY at home?’ Then jump into the health and safety questions.

carriedout · 16/03/2023 06:51

Lady1576 · 15/03/2023 21:05

Yes I think you are overreacting. The trainer made some assumptions as people sometimes do in life, because lots of people fit the cliche. They have a ‘spiel’ to make boring training slightly more entertaining. He was trying to involve people in the training, and he doesn’t know you yet so has made assumptions. It seems like he’s not the most sensitive or witty of people, but next time, if he’s been complained against, he’ll deliver the content like robot.

That's stereotyping, it went out with the ark.

Amazed how many people on the thread are defending it, it is no longer the mid 80s.

It is training 101 not to assume about people.

Verylongtime · 16/03/2023 07:07

I don’t think you are overreacting at all. I’m shocked that some on this thread seem to think it’s OK. Can you email the provider?And let the university know that you’ve done so and why.

Magenta82 · 16/03/2023 07:13

Is there some kind of feedback form at the end of the course?
I wouldn't want to make a big deal about it but I would want to raise it.
Maybe email the training company and the uni course coordinator with some constructive feedback?