Page 2 | Sexist External Trainer. Who should I tell?

NormanSicily · 2023-03-15T15:16:32+00:00

Hello, I' ve been mulling this over and it's pissing me off the more I consider it. I undertook some training this week as I am due to start a placement as part of my degree. The training was supplied by an external provider and no Uni members of staff were present. This trainer was trying to make the point that most accidents and injuries happen in the home due to lack of policies and procedures as you would find in formal workplaces. Fine. However, they chose to illustrate this point by asking me (Oldest there, rest all school leavers) if I was married. When i confirmed that I was (too gobsmacked to come up with a refusal). They then proceeded to ask me how my husband went about DIY. Sorry, what?! Assuming I'm married, assuming I must have a husband, and assuming that as a male he would be responsible for any DIY at home. The trainer also asserted that 'All Americans are mental' when talking about litigation and first aiders. None of this was ok was it? Or am I being over sensitive? So, who do I mention this to? I don't want to cause trouble but I do reckon the trainer would do with a bit of training themself....

Talipesmum · 16/03/2023 07:16

Not over reacting. It’s an embarrassing way to train and would be good to give feedback. I’d contact the learning and development part of your company if you have one - someone must be responsible for bringing trainers in. Feed back to them and ask for it to be passed on. Every training I’ve had has also asked for direct feedback after as well but I’m guessing not here, or you’d have mentioned it?

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 16/03/2023 07:34

I think the opportunity to give a proportionate response has gone by, I don't think the questions/comments were bad enough to warrant taking it up formally, they were dated but not hugely offensive (as in the comments were offensive, but, likely fall into the camp of meaningless lazy stereotype and a lot of people who use these actually would also believe individual cases don't - and shouldn't - fit the stereotype and they are just that... stereotypes, if you actually discussed it).
Humans are innately pattern spotting creatures, it is possible to know something is often true while also believing it is not always true and nor should it be. I.e trainer can know it is often true husband's do DIY that doesn't mean trainer believes it is always true or that wives should not do DIY).
I personally am building my house. I live in an area where lots of folk expect to find traditional roles and make assumptions all the time, but they are also decent people and as soon as they discover that yes, those tools are for me and yes I know how to use them, they fully accept that (and don't bat an eyelid, then we discuss the various benefits of different screen heads at length)
Ditto with the all Americans are crazy and litigious, it's just a stereotype like lots of Americans believe Brits all have bad teeth and are emotionally uptight.
In reality if you meet an American/Brit you take them at face value and don't cling to your stereotype because actually you don't believe it, it's just a lazy shorthand.
So, it's not great but not worth taking action over now the moment has passed imo.

RoseBucket · 16/03/2023 11:04

NormanSicily · 15/03/2023 20:26

Indeed, thanks for that, very helpful.

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If you want to be offended then be prepared to stand up at the time rather than whine afterwards. It allows the trainer to explain or apologise or create a further discussion. Or call the trainer and talk it through. External trainers usually have websites, LinkedIn etc with contact details.

Original poster

NormanSicily · 16/03/2023 11:13

RoseBucket · 16/03/2023 11:04

If you want to be offended then be prepared to stand up at the time rather than whine afterwards. It allows the trainer to explain or apologise or create a further discussion. Or call the trainer and talk it through. External trainers usually have websites, LinkedIn etc with contact details.

Show quote history

It wasn't a conscious decision at the time RoseBucket, I was taken by surprise and it was in front of a whole room full of people. Hindsight is a bloody marvellous thing, and yes, I really should have said something at the time. Your dismissive attitude and labelling my genuine discomfort as 'whining' is really unhelpful. I haven't gone out of my way to be offended but I do think that the trainer was in the wrong. If they had made assumptions about racial characteristics would you take it more seriously? or would that be whining too?

OP posts:

Magenta82 · 16/03/2023 16:30

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 16/03/2023 07:34

I think the opportunity to give a proportionate response has gone by, I don't think the questions/comments were bad enough to warrant taking it up formally, they were dated but not hugely offensive (as in the comments were offensive, but, likely fall into the camp of meaningless lazy stereotype and a lot of people who use these actually would also believe individual cases don't - and shouldn't - fit the stereotype and they are just that... stereotypes, if you actually discussed it).
Humans are innately pattern spotting creatures, it is possible to know something is often true while also believing it is not always true and nor should it be. I.e trainer can know it is often true husband's do DIY that doesn't mean trainer believes it is always true or that wives should not do DIY).
I personally am building my house. I live in an area where lots of folk expect to find traditional roles and make assumptions all the time, but they are also decent people and as soon as they discover that yes, those tools are for me and yes I know how to use them, they fully accept that (and don't bat an eyelid, then we discuss the various benefits of different screen heads at length)
Ditto with the all Americans are crazy and litigious, it's just a stereotype like lots of Americans believe Brits all have bad teeth and are emotionally uptight.
In reality if you meet an American/Brit you take them at face value and don't cling to your stereotype because actually you don't believe it, it's just a lazy shorthand.
So, it's not great but not worth taking action over now the moment has passed imo.

Surely this is how things continue though, people are too surprised to say something at the time, then afterwards it is "too late". Surely its better to give feedback so that the trainer knows he is annoying people.