Defeating emotional eating

[OldBooks]

It seems like several of us doing Bootcamp struggle with eating for all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with hunger ... boredom, tiredness, stress, upset, and even when happy or celebrating.

I thought a thread where we can share experiences, resources and tips might help us stop self-sabotaging and increase our Bootcamp success. Just because cream is a bootcamp approved food doesn't mean you should eat a whole pot in one go because you had a crap day ...

I started a thread about this a while back so I will repost my story:
^Background (apologies for length): I have been a 'big girl' ever since I hit puberty, diagnosed with PCOS in my late teens. I seem to settle at size 16-18 and usually weigh around 90-100 kilos. I am now in my 30s and have just had DD2 which has obviously affected my tummy and I look flabbier than ever. I have lost weight in the past on low-carb diets or on 5:2 but always get derailed and never manage to maintain any loss.

My mother is a classic narcissist and we have a difficult relationship. One of her biggest sticking points is my weight. She herself is vain and insecure and constantly references her weight, what she is eating, how she needs to exercise etc. She grabs her tummy and says how disgusting she looks. This is almost a game or a habit as she never actually does anything to address it. Ever since I started to gain weight in my teens she has commented on it, screamed and shouted at me to lose weight, been extremely negative etc to the point of giving me a huge complex, shredding my self esteem/confidence and leaving me with disordered thoughts around food and eating. Of course she never actually helped me to take any positive steps to lose weight or begin exercising, and I have come to understand that in a way she actually wants me to be overweight as it reduces my threat to her vanity and she has sabotaged me to ensure I stay big, eg always bringing cakes/biscuits when she visits. I have struggled with depression and anxiety and have found my negative thinking about my appearance has affected my life, especially before I met my DH. For example missing a friend's wedding because I thought I looked hideous in all my outfits.

I was always a 'good girl', no drinking, smoking, boys and successful academically - eating was my only 'vice'. I comfort eat a lot, when I am stressed, sad, angry, bored etc I immediately crave sweet foods. I have only been able to maintain dieting/healthy eating during stable and stress free periods of my life, as soon as there is any difficulty I want to eat eat eat again. I also began to self harm in my teens and will still do so in extremis - I think that overeating and ruining my health by doing so is a form of self harm and fits with that mindset. But ironically I harm myself most over my weight, eg I once carved 'fat cow' into my stomach with a pair of scissors.

Now I have 2 daughters I am terrified of passing on my thoughts about my body image and eating to them. I want them to see me maintaining a healthy lifestyle, eating well with treats in moderation, exercising for pleasure and being positive, dressing well and taking care of myself no matter my size. But it is so hard to implement. I know how to eat healthily and about nutrition and what is good for me as a woman with PCOS. I know it will be beneficial to my long term health to eat a low carb, low sugar diet and maintain that. I know that my negative thoughts about my body and my low self esteem come from my mother. But I can't make myself stop thinking these negative thoughts. I can't approach a healthy lifestyle in a positive way, as a good thing I am doing for myself and my family. I feel resentful of the PCOS, deprived and sulky. I spiral into self-abusive comments, call myself useless, a failure, a waste of space. I fantasize about cutting my tummy.

How do I address the gap between what my rational mind understands (these negative thoughts come from my upbringing, a healthy lifestyle will be beneficial) and what my emotional self feels (waaaaa I want the cake it's not fair, why can't I have the cake, I shouldn't have the cake, just eat the cake, now look you fat bitch you've eaten the cake, you can't do anything right)?

It is so exhausting thinking about food constantly. I want to eat, I shouldn't eat, what can I eat... I just want to break this cycle and think about food normally!^

Thanks, OldBooks. Was kicking myself for a while as I was super-healthy while pregnant... And I kept thinking oh my God I must be fit to get up the duff again!
But now I see that I have got live through this, even if it ain't easy. Talking to some might help. The MC is one thing, but facing up to the fact that my chance may be gone is another (I'm 41).
Got AF pains right now (hoping they might be other pains...). Would like to sort myself out this cycle. I just need to start caring about myself again.

Thanks Oldbooks. I'd agree that I'm not in the right place at the moment, if it wasn't for the fact that my weight is making me so unhappy and I just keep gaining more. Plus the fact that I feel much better when I cut out carbs. I've made an appointment with the gp for in two and a half weeks time (the earliest I could get) but don't hold out much hope. I'd rather gradually come off the ADs for now and see how I am as I really don't think they're helping. I am seeing a counsellor at the moment but unsure where to start really as there seem to be so many things to discuss.

Thanks for all the tips, I'll give it a go. I think I get caught up in wanting to lose lots of weight and then get so frustrated when it doesn't drop off quickly that I think, what's the point and binge on unhealthy food. You're right, I need to pick myself up and start again.

It doesn't help that I can't really cook and am also on a tight budget. So most of the things I eat are meat (pork steak or chicken) with plain veg and butter. I'm bored of salad. It seems easy food is always carbs ...

Tonight has been difficult .. I was craving something sweet, but have managed to get through it by eating roasted nuts... just 7g carbs per 100g. Not ideal but better than chocolate I guess.

Weirdly (I know it's not LC but anyway!) I seem to have got rid of my emotional eating with fasting
I started doing 14:10 (14hrs fasting, 10 eating) as I read hormone wise it was more optimal for women than 16:8
So I eat fairly normally but overnight fast for 14hrs. Stops me picking at stuff and I can't turn to food for "support" as in my head the kitchen is closed
It's made me much much calmer about eating and not thinking what can I pick at or eat or am I hungry or...

Oh and I don't keep anything I binge on in the house at all. In my head I say I don't eat chocolate, or cake or crisps. And if I really really want something then telling myself it will still be there tomorrow really works and asking myself if I really do want it
Say it's something like cake then I think will I really enjoy that bit of crap cake I'm mindlessly eating or can I wait a day and get to the nice bakery - often by then the craving has gone as well

my weight is making me so unhappy and I just keep gaining more

Can you make your short term goal simply to not gain any more weight? That might take pressure off you at first while you wait to see the GP and see your counsellor. With counselling sessions I always just launched into whatever was bothering me most that week. You don't have to 'start' anywhere, it's a holistic picture.

I think I get caught up in wanting to lose lots of weight and then get so frustrated when it doesn't drop off quickly that I think, what's the point and binge on unhealthy food.

I can definitely sympathise with this. It's where following the Bootcamp can make it harder because you see people who have lost 20lbs in the BC time and you think why wasn't that me? But everyone is different. I did the egg fast this week and I "only" lost 2 lbs in 3 days. I had to remind myself that was actually very good! I see this as where the rational and emotional mind don't mix:
Rational: "Losing weight will take time, and that's ok, because a slow and steady loss is meant to be better and longer lasting"
Emotional: "But it's so hard and I am depriving myself and it's not FAIR I just want to be skinny NOW waaaaaa"

Well done for getting through your cravings last night! I found that in the first month or so of eating LC I had to have something available that felt 'naughty' but was still BC approved - double cream in my case. That way when I had cravings I could still indulge in something that tricked my brain that I was eating something 'bad' but was still keeping to LC. Don't underestimate how addicted we are to sugary foods. I don't think I realised how bad it was until I was well into BC and beginning to break that hold. What I mean is that while part of it is emotional eating, and you blame yourself for your lack of control and feel worse about yourself, some of it is physical addiction/dependence and you need to be in the right place mentally to undergo the 'detox' process. If you can cling on by the skin of your teeth to an LC woe for 6 weeks or so you might find that as your body changes your relationship with food will start to change too.

I am not saying that I don't get cravings now, or that if I feel stressed/tired/upset that my first thought is to want food. But I find it so much easier to control and resist the cravings and I am sure a large part of that is physiology. I can't see that my mental health has suddenly magically improved in the last 3 months!

Ollivander describes some great delaying tactics to deal with cravings. CBT describes one method called 'urge surfing'. Imagine your craving as a giant wave and you need to just ride it out. Feel it, experience it, and then let it wash away like a wave finally reaching the beach - all that power just becomes little ripples on the stones. If you have a good imagination you can really visualise it. Stand still while you picture it, immerse yourself in it and then see if you still want food.

I have the phrase "if the problem isn't hunger then the answer's not in the fridge" stuck to my fridge. It has taken some effort and I don't do it 100% of the time but I stop and try to think why I am wanting to eat. I find that emotional cravings come from my mouth while physical hunger is in my tummy, if that makes sense!

Journalling can be really helpful. I am sure you have been advised to keep a diary of food eaten plus mood at the time. This has never worked for me as I either 'cheat' and don't write down eating I feel guilty about, or I read back over it and use it to feel worse about myself and beat myself up. But one thing that looked interesting was using a journal to explore your feelings around food, and to use it when you have a craving. First write down the amount of time you are going to wait before you give in to the craving. Then write a list of things you can do to distract yourself from the craving in that time. After the time is up, decide if you still feel you want to give in. If you can't decide write down: advantages, disadvantages, reasons not to give in and your goals. All that writing might help the craving to pass anyway!

Hello all, may I join?

My story: I've never been slim and my weight has been going up and down all my life. I have hypothyroidism and hashimotos. The only time I lost a lot of weight was for my wedding. Almost exactly a year ago my h has left me for an ow - it completely floored me and I am still struggling. He has just started divorce proceedings. In the early months I couldn't eat at all and lost weight. Then my appetite came back with a vengence but all I could stomach was pizza, toast, pasta - basically carbs. I feel so lonely and comfort eat. I also don't really cook anymore as where is the point of it's just me? It's like I don't deserve nice food anymore. I try be good during the day and the undo it all over the course of the evening when it's just me and the telly. I am scared that no man will ever look at me ever again being so big but at the same time this feels strangely good too as it means I won't get hurt again. It's really messed up. I drink too much wine too. Two glasses every night.

Sorry for the essay above. I have bought the blood sugar diet recipe book and know that low/lower carb works for me for weight loss. I just don't know how to start.

I'm 5.7, 96.5kg and a size 16-18.

I have been trying to sort my weight/health out since January of this year. It wasn't until I started LCHF in April, and then the BC in May, that I got to grips with it. For much of Jan-Apr I felt how I imagine you feel now - panic that I couldn't get myself in control, fear of my rising weight, anger and frustration at myself for not getting myself under control. I researched a lot of the mindful eating techniques I have described here but it took a long time to implement them. Looking back at my journal there were many weeks where I started with great intentions on Monday and by Friday was stuffing my face with cake. It also took me a good month to phase into LCHF, I didn't just crash into the BC but took time to introduce it, had several episodes of carby twatness etc. I actually think this was helpful as I didn't have carb flu.

Think of some 'baby steps' you could take now that aren't full LCHF.

Aim to drink 2-3 litres a day

Reduce amounts of carby food week by week e.g. this week there will be no cake. Next week there will be no bread. But there are still pasta and potatoes for the moment.

Check your hunger level (0 Ravenous - 10 So stuffed you feel sick) before each time you eat. Take a while to get used to gauging where your hunger is.

Make eating a big deal. Lay the table EVERY TIME. Sit down. No TV/phone/distractions. Taste every bite.

Make a 'self soothing' list of things you can do when you feel like eating but know you aren't hungry. Mine are non-expensive and include things like ironing, folding clothes, cuddling my girls, doing a puzzle, going for a walk, decluttering, looking on Pinterest etc.

Doing something that engages your mind/creativity but also your hands is meant to be a great distraction technique, so puzzles, colouring, sewing etc.

Tell yourself you can eat the cake, but "in a minute". Just after you've washed up. At the next ad break. Don't deny yourself anything, just say you can have it 'in a minute'.

I am not a good cook at all. I enjoy researching new recipes and challenging myself to make new things. One a week.

Introducing an eating window when you can eat whatever you want might help. So do 16:8 or 14:10 but in the eating window don't worry about LCHF for now, just eat whatever you want.

These are just some ideas based on my experiences but I hope they are some use

Thank you, oldbooks, I will look into your suggestions.

Welcome sunshine. I'm so sorry about your awful experience, and no wonder you have turned to food for comfort. You are very welcome to chat here about emotional eating, but if you want to discuss the practicalities of introducing lchf then the main bootcamp thread is best as the people there are very knowledgeable about how it all works!

I also don't really cook anymore as where is the point of it's just me? It's like I don't deserve nice food anymore

In the nicest possible way, bollocks. You are 100% worth it. If you see my epic posts this morning one of the things I describe is mindful eating where you lay the table and enjoy eating without any distractions. Shovelling food in your face during Eastenders is ok, we all do it. But food deserves better than that. Cook yourself something delicious, sit down and enjoy eating it.

Are there any craft activities that you enjoy that can distract you while you watch tv? Colouring, sewing etc? I find watching TV is really boring to be honest! Your brain is rarely that engaged. Just knitting or colouring while the tv is on for the company is more engaging and might help distract you and keep you from wandering into the kitchen.

If you enjoy Pinterest there are some great ideas for mindful eating on there.

Ooops cross post! My first 3 posts today were for user but I think will help you too sunshine?

Also I should add that I am hardly a trained mental health professional so please don't take my advice/ideas as gospel, I am sharing what worked for me :)

Thank you anyway, oldbooks. I think some of these ideas will work for me too. I do crochet but haven't touched it over the summer. Time to take it up again methinks.

I just had a look at mindful eating at Pinterest and have jotted down a few ideas. I'm definitely guilty of the eating in front of the telly - I haven't sat at the table for months . I've become a real slob, it's embarrassing.

Thanks Oldbooks.

Hi whereisthesunshine

Oldbooks that's pretty much how I've been approaching the counselling so far .. just launching into what's been a problem during the past fortnight since the last session.

I love extra thick double cream but if I had it in the fridge I think I'd binge on it until it was all gone. Maybe that's still better than ending up eating chocolate though.

Yes re journaling ... I do cheat .. even on bootcamp. That's why I stopped posting ... I didn't dare be truthful because I'd "get told off" ... and then there seemed no point posting at all.

Panic about not getting myself under control ... that is exactly how I feel. I seem out of control, zero willpower .. I'm not a stupid person, I understand the ins and outs of low carb but when I crave something I become stupid ... just eat rubbish.

I'm proud that I've almost stuck to it in a way but ashamed that I ate a whole bag of nuts yesterday. Yet I know it could have been worse. I'm trying to stick to seeing each day as t he first day at the moment ... pick myself up and carry on. Not getting derailed by one weak moment.

Drinking water is one thing I really struggle with. I hate water .. never drink it. I drink black decaf coffee most of the time and quite a lot of it. I think I'll just have to put that at the bottom of my to do list, as I get too stressed about getting it wrong iyswim, it's all too much, sticking to low carb food AND drinking water.

Had a fairly good day today food wise. Didn't stick completely to low carb rules but it will be a gradual process, I don't feel well enough generally to go cold turkey.

I had:
125g pot of mango
2xcoffee
chicken Caesar salad (shop bought and had a bit of pasta in)
handful of almonds
2xlarge mug of green tea
2x pint glass of water
Pork and chorizo burger (no bun) with a mountain of green beans and some full fat mayo
Glas of white wine spritzer

It's going to be baby steps for me. Ate my dinner at the table but read a magazine. I'm struggling with being alone without entertainment at the moment.

I have lemon in my water which makes it bearable. I still don't drink enough too, user. Is sparkling water ok?

Eating at the table is great Sunshine! I can't preach, I ate sat in the living room watching in the night garden with DD1 while she stole most of my salmon off my plate.

My understanding is that it doesn't have to be water, just sugar free fluid. Sparkling water is fine, quite a few people on BC were adding fruit tea bags for flavour. I have one of those infuser water bottles and add mint and lemon to mine. I also have a pint mug and guzzle herbal teas all day. I am meant to drink 3.5 litres which is 6 pints so I usually break it down - 1 pint tea and 1 pint glass of water in the morning, repeat afternoon, repeat evening. It doesn't seem much that way. I also found that my normal drinking glasses are a pint so have those. Drinking from a beer pint glass feels wrong somehow!

That's a good start whereisthesunshine

I'm doing ok today at the moment. I've bought some extra thick cream and I think I just have to admit to myself that at the moment I'll not manage to follow this woe without dairy. I like meals with cream and cheese.

I'm back to 12 stone 12 which is what I started bootcamp on which makes me feel slightly better.

Good idea splitting the drinking like that Oldbooks, I'll try that too. I don't mind lemon and ginger tea so if that's acceptable instead of water I'll stick with coffee and lemon tea.

Just having my evening allocation now - plus double cream, chocolate and butter because I want it. User I started out drinking double cream from the pot and got through several pots a week. Now I can go without. If it helps you get into the woe then do it I say!

Ooh that's a nice mug! And the chocolate and cream looks good too

Yes I think I have to go that way ... on bc they are very strict and I was trying to stick to the rules but falling far short and making myself miserable. I now see that for me at the moment it's better to do what I can in order to feel better and hope that gradually the sugar addiction will fade and it'll become easier.

You are right, it doesn't seem much that way. My mini goal for tomorrow: drink more water/herbal tea. I'm a coffee addict and tend to forget it doesn't count.

Now I'm just craving something ... anything really ... I think it's a personality trait .. I stopped smoking years ago, but when my world became incredibly stressful two years ago ( my father died, my mum had cancer, my marriage broke up, I was selling my house) I started vaping to stop myself starting smoking ... i find now i vape to excess... nothing is enough ... same with food. I've had a quarter of a lot of cream and 2 tsps of peanut butter, I've vaped until I'm coughing and its not touching the "itch" .. I'm not sure what this means but I'll ponder on it ... maybe talk to my counsellor tomorrow. Any ideas? Is this an addictive personality? A hint of aspergers? (I don't mean to belittle anyone with aspergers, i just feel like there's something not right with me).

Sorry .. I'm regretting putting that .. just meant I feel that something's wrong sometimes.