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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Farthers

40 replies

candylady · 01/05/2010 14:50

I have told my partner that I am pregnent, and he allready has two children, he dose not want me to have mine but i dont think it is fair im so anoyed anyone help?

OP posts:
TheJollyPirate · 01/05/2010 14:54

Personally I think the decision about whether you have this baby or not is up to YOU not him. The problem may come if he decides that he does not want to stay in a relationship with you. He will still have some responsibility to the child though - whether he likes it or not.

If you want this baby then my advice would be to tell him that you are not prepared to have a termination and then take it from there.

Original poster
candylady · 01/05/2010 14:57

yes i have told him, he was saying to me "I dont want no more kids, I cant bealive it, i feel like a failure, he is in bed right now snooring his head off

OP posts:
Cogitoergosum · 01/05/2010 14:58

Do you actually want this baby?

Original poster
candylady · 01/05/2010 15:29

yes I do

OP posts:
Original poster
candylady · 01/05/2010 16:14

So I guess no one on mums net has had this exprience then as no one has got back 2, me o what lucy women u all are seems it's just me then....

OP posts:
lindsaygii · 01/05/2010 17:32

You only gave it an hour and a half before giving up, to be fair...

You both got pregnant, and you are both responsible for it. If you are sure you want the baby then carry on. He may well change his mind as time goes by. And if he doesn't, you will have to do it on your own.

The law makes him financially responsible no matter what.

A married friend of mine just got pregnant with an unplanned third child. It took her husband a few weeks to get his head round the shock, but now he's looking forward to it. Not quite as much as she it, but when it's born that will change.

Maybe you just need to give him time before you write him off? A bit like you need to give discussion forums more than two hours before you write them off?

Just saying - be patient first, and see how it pans out.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 01/05/2010 17:34

He feels like a failure?

Why?

Leave off with the sarky remarks. This is a quick moving site and some people only read and reply to active convos.

nighbynight · 01/05/2010 17:44

candy
congratulations on your pregnancy!
give him time to come round, he very likely will.
if he doesnt, then he is legally responsible anyway.

Lulumaam · 01/05/2010 17:51

were you using contraception?

if not, he has not right at all to say he does not want anymore kids

but to be fair, if he was clear at the outset about not wanting kids, and you weren't using contraception, you have to accept some responsibility

at the end of the day, you are pregnant, and regardless of whether he wants the baby, you are the one who will carry it

how old are his othr children

nighbynight · 01/05/2010 17:56

contraception has nowt to do with it, no contraception comes with a 100% guarantee! Sex does tend to make babies, all you can do is tamper with the likelihood.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 01/05/2010 17:58

I disagree, lulu. If he didn't want kids it is up to him to use contraception.

Lulumaam · 01/05/2010 18:10

i know there is a failure rate, but that is totally different to not using it at all...

so there is a difference

i do also think that if a partner has said categorically he does not want more children, but won't use contraception and you don't eitehr, then you can't be surprised when the pregnancy is not wanted by him

you have to take steps to protect yourself IMO

i am sorry for the OP and her situation though, it is a tough place to be

nixnjj · 02/05/2010 02:38

OP I don feel for you. Surely he must have told you he didn't want children when you discussed it thou. If he has 2 children already then 20% of his income will be taken to support them, maybe he is worried about the financial aspect.

Like the others say thou give him time and see if he comes round. Good luck

smallishsheep · 02/05/2010 09:17

'easy junglist 1 u going jungle fever? on a serious note the crack thing dont work 4 me my man has is little dabble but never in front of the kids, and I told him he has to somoke outside untill at least 9pm, or in the kitchen. come on now we have to have some rules?'

This is from another thread you have posted on candylady. I searched your name as tbh I thought you were someone else. Why in gods name do you want to have children with someone like that

Original poster
candylady · 02/05/2010 14:18

yes I thank you all for your comments his children are 16, and 7, we had unprotected sex he knew it i knew it, as i have said it's not fair i should hav 2 kill my baby. i dont want his money i am fully capable of providing for-myself my arguement is that it's ok 4 him 2 not want our child. but lets face facts here some men do that have a women do what they want then soon as something serious happens it back off time. well you know what let him back off then because Im not going out of my way to kill my baby. thankyou all been a great help...

OP posts:
Original poster
candylady · 02/05/2010 14:21

Also I do not believe in abortion.

OP posts:
Original poster
candylady · 02/05/2010 14:24

I told him @ the start I DO NOT BELIEVE IN ABORTION,just like he told me HE DONT WANT NO MORE KIDS... I hope he will love the child but if not I will...

OP posts:
RoseBlossoms · 02/05/2010 14:43

FFS

I feel sorry for this child already.

DuelingFanjo · 02/05/2010 14:45

Then have the baby. But think very seriously about if you want to stay with an unsupportive partner.

Lulumaam · 02/05/2010 20:28

having unprotected sex when you knew he was not wanting more children was a bit naive... but it is what it is and you will have to face that you will be doing this alone

which based on the link below, sounds like a better idea

SolidGoldBrass · 03/05/2010 18:08

What exactly do you want people to tell you, Candylady? It's up to you to decide whether or not to continue your pregnancy. If your partner decides to leave you, he will still be legally liable to contribute to the child's upbringing - though if he's a crack-smoking loser you might not get the money he's obliged to pay you.
YOu will get benefits, tax credits etc as a single parent, and in many areas there are things liek Surestart to help single mothers, particularly younger ones (and you sound quite young).

mumtotwoboys · 05/05/2010 00:56

I have a 3 week old son, his father begged me to have an abortion, he didn't show up to any scans, was really unhelpful etc..
2 days ago they met for the first time, and he sat back and held his son, ...it was beautiful.

I would say have the baby if you feel you are strong enough to do it alone. Any interest on his part will be a bonus.

poshsinglemum · 07/05/2010 21:08

This is what happened to me. I kept her. He left but we are fine but your dp might stay when he deals with the shock. He's being very selfish. Does he expect nyou to be childless then? Do you want to stay with a mna who dosn't want children anyway? He may have kids but you don't. He is denying your right to be a mum. Lulu- don't judge her for contraceptive failure. It's happened.It happens all the time. He is responsible too.

GardenPath · 08/05/2010 01:28

Mumof2 - you mean your baby's father, though apparently perfectly willing to be there at conception, left you unsupported to go through all the stress of pregnancy and the birth of his own child on your own, and the only way you got him interested was to wave the child under his nose to which he may or may not have responded favourably?

Bonus?? He's the child's father for god's sake.

Personally I'd have told him to go fuck himself.

AWellHungParliament · 08/05/2010 01:47

Well (the issue of contraception aside) the fact of the matter is that you are pregnant so he is going to have to face up to being a father again one way or another.

He cannot insist you have an abortion if you don't want to (not sure about 'believing in them', they exist - fact).

You can't insist that he is involved in parenting the child but he is responsible for the baby he has created whether he wanted more or not.

You need to talk to him when the news has sunk in and see if he feels different in the cold light of day.

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