Single parents who work full-time, please tell me how you do it - how you juggle everything and keep smiling

[Rumbled]

So far as a lone parent, I've been able to work part-time, which has worked well around DS going to school - I've been able to see a lot of him in the gaps between school and him visiting his dad. I have found there's enough time to do housework, errands, cook some decent meals, and also see friends and enjoy some down time when DS's been with his dad. It feels balanced. Given my/our circumstances, I feel very fortunate, and DS and I have a lovely relationship.

My financial circumstances are changing, however, and in a few months' time, I'll know if I'll need to switch to working full-time, which is looking likely. I realise a lot of lone parents work full-time, and I'm in awe. I don't know how they/you do it.

I'm so afraid that, if I work full-time, I'll see so little of DS (nearly six): four rushed mornings and tired bedtimes a week, and every other weekend only. I won't be able to organise playdates (we have a few a week at the moment), and DS - who tends to be withdrawn in big groups and clubs - will have to go to after-school clubs because grandparents can't help five days a week. I worry that I'll struggle to keep on top of things to do with the house - housework, maintenance, paperwork/admin, cooking, etc - and errands. I'm worried I'll be tired and grumpy, and see less of friends/pursue fewer interests because I'll need to catch up on chores (and sleep!) when DS's with his dad.

I know I'm being really negative about this and worrying a lot. I suppose it's because life feels manageable now - balanced - and is far better than I ever imagined it would be as a single mum, and I'm reasoning that working full-time will surely upset this balance. My best friend works full-time. She's single too, and her life seems exhausting - and she doesn't have kids!

Please tell me it can be OK; how I can view this likelihood more positively. If you're a lone parent working full-time, tell me how you do it - how you juggle everything: being a good enough mum, doing a good enough job at work, keeping your home more or less in order, getting enough rest and having a life outside of all of this. Is it possible?!

Thank you.

Hello ladies,
I'm a LP and in the same boat !! I work full time and trying to juggle things to make sure im providing a good life to my kid who is turning 5 soon. There is no help from family( Lost mum recently ) and no help from her dad. I have a live out nanny but since my daughter is born with a rare disease she gets sick very often. So me trying to keep up with the full time demanding job and begging the nanny to adjust her schedule when my daughter falls sick kills me.

I tried Au-pair once but didn't work out well. Planning to look for a live in mothers help to see whether i can manage. Its all scary on my own without anyone to even talk and cry. I hope one day things will settle down and god sends someone reliable to live with us to take care of my daughter. Please share if there are any tips that i can use who is a single parent with a sick child.

Thanks.

Maha I went with a live in since my daughter was a few months old. She is now 8 years. As a single mum with a full time job (and I travel) it was the best decision because of the house stuff and my daughter being ill etc.

Having a live in really enabled me to just focus on being a mum and my career.

I've no tips! I did it for six months and it was tough. Internet shopping. Lowering your standards. Knowing that the kids' homework was probably shite and living with it. Forgetting to take the sandwiches out of the freezer the night before and telling them to just eat around the edges then. Outsourcing laundry. I was operating on a more immediate sense of panic! Every night it was 'omg what do kids need for tomorrow '. I was neglecting myself though. Smear tests, dentists etc....

Unemployed atm and I miss the money but I don't know if I could go back to that high level of panic. It's different for couples. They're a team. I'm less stressed now but I'm looking for part time work.

Lower your standards. That's my main piece of advice. If I get to the end of the day and can say 'everyone fed*, no dead' then I give myself a smug pat on the back and await my Mother of the Year award in the post.

That's what I did!!

Am a long term veteran 2 Kids,13 years a lone parent,kids don't really see their Dad so its just us.
1.Be kind to yourself,don't compare yourself with others.
2.Each day be ready for the next,clothes out bags packed.
3.load of washing a day.
4.I rotate same few meals, and use slow cooker.
5.kids have jobs and responsibilities.
6.If it takes less than 2 minutes do it now.
7.online shop,everything amazon is your friend.
8.have cleaner ,recently. used to do 20 minutes a day ,hour at weekend.
9.have a finish time,I am sitting at 8pm if its not done,that's OK
10.occasionally, throw all the routine in and do something different,stop you feeling like a rat in a wheel.
11.plan but be flexible,also you are one person ,I am much practised at saying no sorry I can't do that.

Jeaux,
I totally agree with going with a live in nanny option. Infact after all the sleepless nights of thinking what will happen tomorrow, how to manage meetings( if at all i goto office if my nanny turns up ), I have decided to go with a live option. I'm planning to search for a mothers help as i found au-pairs are better for grown up kids and esp for my situation where my daughter gets sick very very often, au pair hours didnt match. Praying that things should turn well and one day for sure one day life will start to get better..Full of positive hopes :)

By de way, I would like to say a biggg cheers to all the single mums in this forum and esp this thread who are all staying strong through all the troubles...My mantra is "Everytime I fall down, I will get up more stronger than before "..Big hugs

I did it but didn't manage.. I was miserable and exhausted. I felt I wasn't great at my job, was too tired to give my DS the attention he deserved.

I now work 32 hours a week and find it more manageable. I think that is the better balance for me. I could earn more but I grew up in an unhappy home with lots of money.

Could you up your hours but even give yourself one half day or a day a week. I was completely unable to get my hair cut until I found a mobile who would work past 6, I found it awful. Hats off to those who manage.

How flexible /sympathetic would your employer be?
I do about 1/3 of my ours when kids are in bed or on the weekends they are with their dad... I am lucky I know to have a sympathetic employer and a job that allows that, but it could be worth considering?
Alternatively if he would thrive in after school (mine didn't like it either) then could you see if a friend woth a child he likes would have him in exchange for some money? My best friend used to Come to mine several nights a week for several years and we were like twins

I sympathise, I do, it's tough waving them goodbye every other weekend

Maha do it, I promise like will be so much easier once you work out how to live together. Mine gets Saturdays and Sundays off and I am home most Fridays, and most evenings unless I am travelling. The blessing is being able to not worry about fitting in meetings and travel but also having time to keep yourself sane by doing the things you love (I swim every day for 30 mins)

Being able to say yes to dinner with a friend without worrying about baby sitting etc

I went with a mature nanny, she's from the Philippines and friggin awesome x

I work full time and really it's about getting good at juggling. I can't afford a cleaner or an au pair . We pretty much scrape through each month but we do manage and you will too. I have 4 dc and to be honest something has to give each day as you just can't do everything. I tend to pre-prepare meals each night for the next day so that we can eat good food (but sometimes that doesn't work out and it might have to be pizza but that's ok once in a while. I don't beat myself up over it). And sometimes the house is messy and the bathroom needs cleaning or the garden needs weeding or the cars a tip. And sometimes I do sit and cry in the bath because I think I'm failing my children for not being there when they get out of school/nursery. Then I pull myself together and carry on doing the best that I can. My children are loved, clean, well fed and still participate in clubs and activities. They have decent clothes and shoes and I very very carefully budget out a holiday once a year if I can (this year it's camping).

You will manage. And your ds will grow up knowing he has a strong mum who is doing the best for him, even though sometimes you will second guess yourself.

I could quit my job and live off the state and be no worse off. But I don't want my children to see me doing that. It's not who I am. It's bloody tempting though!

Thanks Jeaux..that has given me a ray of hope im planning to use a nanny agency to find a live in mothers help...im also thinking of going for a mature lady who will be able to understand my situation and help...also trying to find some good livein in childcare.co.uk. its bit tough to find that one person but this time im going to be careful and choose the right nanny even if takes long !!!

30 mins swim a day is something too far for me now but its my dream..hopefully i can join the club one day

Stay strong dear sunshine !!! Its bloody tempting to quit and i have many many times thought of quitting the job but somehow managed to remove that thought...U can do it !!!

You will be able to do it because you will find a way. Im a single parent and work ft and a separate part time job as well as after school clubs twice a week. No family support for childcare etc as parents live abroad.
Im always knackered, never go out because i cant afford it and because of this my friendships suffer.
However I dont have to consider an OH and can do everything in my own terms.
We just about get by but at least I'm doing it.
You will be able to as well.

Hi ladies, I’m a single mother of one who lives in Kent while my whole family lives in London. I’m currently on benefits but I’ve also been looking for a job and nurseries since we moved and managed to find both but the nursery only has space for one full day at the minute (15 hrs free childcare, only takes 9 hrs) then the job is part time but requires me to be flexible (care work). Also in October I’ll be going back to study psychology through distance learning. So I’m wondering if there is any additional support we could receive to help us.

Thank you in advance
BlakeXBlake