so, if you do meet someone again, how do you stop feeling scared?

[piratecat]

I have now maybe met someone, and I am absolutely terified of the whole deal. I don't want to scare him off.

I had a date, and it went lovely, but proceeded to well up during a bit of conversation. he was fine about this.

I am very surprised by my feelings, like insecurities, when i feel i have become such an independant person these past 5 yrs! It's like a whole other world.

Plus I cannot belive how naive i feel regarding the whole dating thing!

Hello, am new to all this but totally get where you are coming from. I found out my ex was having an affair and it totally destroyed me...a year later and I do worry about ever meeting anyone again and how the hell do I trust again. And like someone very wisely said abouve - I can't stop thinking HOW COULD I NOT HAVE SEEN IT?!?! How could I have put up with his mean and controlling behaviour - so worried that I can't spot the good ones and will thus end up indepdant and single forever, aaggh.

It's crazy, at night I always think about how mean he was and how he cheated, and this was over a year ago (I left him in the end). When will I stop obsessing about the past? It's driving me crazy.

Sorry for the ramble/rant!

rambling and ranting is the game here!

It's when someone does soemthing so so out of character, and it floors you, that of course you feel totally lost.

I am 5 yrs on, and it gets easier. I didn't stop loving mine till about a yr ago.

it will take whatever it takes imo, and i hope the day comes soon for you.
x

I met a guy a few weeks ago and we exchanged numbers. I text him but he didn't reply, so I guess it wasn't meant to be.
I'm scared that this may happen again and again, my confidence really took a battering when exh left for OW.
I'm scared I will be alone for ever, I'm in my mid 40's, can't imagine being in love again.
How do I get over this, I really struggle with this more than anything else that separation has thrown at me.

i think you just have to be extremely brave, and remember (as i am telling myself!) that it's not just you it is happening to, in that it's perfeclty normal, and understandable to feel scared.

being let down by our men has been a major major trauma, maybe that's what it is, trying to work thru trauma. Keeping hold if that feeling that we are good, lovely women who deserve the best.
x

partytime i am in my 40's too. It's a bit of a shocker to be on your own, and be starting over.

thanks piratecat, thanks for the encouragement. it is a huge shock, i was married 20 odd years, with him since we were 18, thought it would last forever, never even considered being in this situation. i hope to meet nice new people, others tell me i will because i am a lovely person, attractive etc, but where do you meet them, where to start. as you say i am out of touch with the whole dating thing. i'm too old to be out clubbing, i have no single mates to go out with, all are married and only do things with their partners. where did you meet your date?

hiya, i met him online, i have been on the internet sites for (coughs) 3 yrs!! He is the 3rd date inthat time and theonly one i feel i have something going on with

i amthe same as you, i was with dh for 12 yrs. he left us in 2005. I have no sitters, all my mates are maried, and it is very very hard. BUT yu are not alone in this.

have a look at the thread 'where have all the fit and interesting men gone'. You don't have to 'know' anyone to go on there, and have a read of the dating stories, you can just say hi. It's really nice to see that everyone has the same fears, and that men seem to confuse the lot of us!!

put my profile on an online dating site, and exchanged emails with a couple of guys, but i felt a bit weird, as if i was advertising myself, and i worried someone might recognise me, so i removed it. i think it's the whole confidence thing. and yes men are very confusing.