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where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 18)

1000 replies

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 24/02/2010 18:01

part 18.... jeeze 17 threads have past...17 threads worth of dating excitment/disasters.

wonder what number 18 will bring

any predictions anyone?

wedding/co-habitation for someone must be due by now.

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 23/03/2010 12:54

aww this is lovely lol...

cake4ever · 23/03/2010 18:06

Hi everyone. Have been following this thread and have posted a couple of times. You all sound so lovely and upbeat about this dating thing. Pirate the waiting for texts is awful isn't it. Also MrsM waiting for neighbour to turn up.

I've got a bit of a strange situation that I really need some advice on as it is getting me down. I have met roofer man 3 times now but chatting for a fair while longer. He is absolutely drop dead gorgeous which sort of disturbs me a bit cos I am quite ordinary and a size 16 etc etc (prob get flamed for being insecure now!!). Anyway, he was quite full on to begin with and seemed very keen. We met twice and I went to his house and we had a lovely evening - bit of a kiss and cuddle. After that his texts tailed off and then stopped altogether. I did text him a few times but then gave up. Then I gave it one last try and got a reply. I asked him what had happened and he said that I had not replied to his messages which was not true. He said that he paid his phone bill late and that may have been the reason.

Anyway, he seemed keen to meet again and we exchanged a lot of texts with him telling me how special I was and how he wanted a long term relationship with me etc. I went to his on Sunday, and we ended up sleeping together. I shouldn't have but he's absolutely gorgeous and he seemed so keen. I know it's only Tuesday now but there has been a distinct cooling off since then. He won't commit to a definite date to see me again. The texts have changed and are much less frequent. I am not chasing him in any way but he did say he considered we were in a relationship so I guess Ihave certain expectations, like it would be good to arrange a definite date and maybe talking occasionally inbetween on the phone. Last night we texted for a bit and I told him that I was glad we were together and asked if he felt the same. He didn't reply.

Have heard from him today but only once which is unusual but I'm not contacting him again now.

I have a horrible feeling that he said all that stuff to get me into bed and if that is the case I am gutted. I am not so upset about him as a person but the fact that I have been rejected yet again. I have had some dating disasters including having my drink spiked and various other stuff.

Feel like giving up but know there must be someone out there for me as I really want to meet someone.

Basically what I want to ask is do you think he has used me and dumped me or am I expecting too much too soon. I would like to add that his texts have been very full on so it's not all been one way on my part.

Should I ask him outright what is going on or will that really put him off?

He tells me that he has women throwing themselves at him all the time and I think God do I want to go out with a man like that. It would do my head in!

Sorry, didn't mean this to go on as long as it did but I feel pretty shitty at the mo and don't seem to know the rules of this game.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you and I wish all of you success in your search. so good to see that Lou has found a decent bloke. Good on you Lou!

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 23/03/2010 18:15

cake - i'm so and but i'm afraid i would say he's been a real rat and said he he thinks he needs to say to get sex .. what an arse.

suppose he may... however been truthful. but... you only have one way to find out.

stop texting. see if he contacts you to arrange anything. if you haven't heard from him by the wkd i would consider it over.

move on.. shout NEXT!!!

this isn't the right relationship for you anyway.. i get the impression he makes you feel insecure. the is completely wrong in a relationship.

in the start of a relationship on initial dates you should be excited, feel great about yourself, etc. not questioning your looks.

OP posts:
DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 23/03/2010 18:22

mrsm - i'm still at the power of good boots

OP posts:
cake4ever · 23/03/2010 18:22

Thanks for replying DontTouch. I really appreciate it. I think you're prob right but I find it so hard to grasp how men can do this. I really like him aswell. I do feel very insecure and have done since the beginning - he is a very very good looking man and there's now way it can go anywhere. I feel really crap and what's the point in that.

I'm not gonna text him anymore. How do you know if a man is doing this to get sex. How the hell can you tell? He seemed so genuine.

cake4ever · 23/03/2010 18:24

Now I'm really confused. He has just this minute text me saying good evening gorgeous I'm gonna see how work goes but I'm hoping we can be together tomorrow eve. How was your day hope it was good.

What now!! Help!! So confused.

Betty79 · 23/03/2010 18:48

Cake-I was thinking the same as juice, but seeing as he's text maybe not, only time will tell If you are prepared for that. Some men are just in it for the sex though I'm afraid! One thing I wouldnt like tho wud be him bigging himself up about how many women he has throwing themselves at him

Mrsm-neighbour sounds promising lol

Not much else going on for me, still planning to meet trucker tommorow and estateagent sunday now i think cos cudnt get sitter for fri. I'm out for a 30th birthday sat night too so will be knackered by monday morning!

cake4ever · 23/03/2010 18:52

Thanks Betty, do you think it's possible that he may be prolonging things to get more sex!! How do you know if this is what's going on? Am a bit concerned about the women thing but he did say it in the context of us talking about being faithful and what goes on with online dating so it didn't seem too bad. Maybe I'm being naive.

Anyway, I wish you luck with trucker and estate agent. Trucker keeps on hanging in there doesn't he. If I remember correctly he hasn't always been consistent with contact either. What's the estate agent like?

aseriouslyblondemoment · 23/03/2010 18:57

betty he's an EA

lou33 · 23/03/2010 19:06

i would say he was keeping you interested in case he fancies a bit, sorry to say

doesnt mean you cant have the same kind of fun back with him as long as you are ok with it, but i dont think he sounds like he is a long term thing

the puppy just ate my lipgloss and now has pink paws that wont wash out

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 23/03/2010 19:09

cake - hmmmm.... considering he said those things in context to dating... has he ever said something along lines of liking things to be casual, or hassle free.. these kind of things are a warning sign he's only going to want a casual based relationship... relationship can be many things btw... him saying he's in relationship means he's having regular sex and meetings with you.....but... did you specify if it was an exclusive relationship?????

if you were in a casual non exclusive relationship.. then his contact is perfectly acceptable. and the infrequency also fine.

as for sex... well.... will you be going on a proper date again for next meeting. or just round to his/yours?? if you are repeatedly meeting, and just having sex.. then thats all you will get used for. if you insist on going out and doing things cinema/dinner/theatre/drinks/shopping..... first... then sex(we all like sex. lets face it).. then you will feel confident tht not only are you more than sex as he's spending quality time with you "doing things".. and he's not ashamed of you if feeling insecure.

must admit. even if we're skint, and doing the cheap thing staying in... i will always make sure we nip out for a single drink, pop to supermakret and get dvd/muchies/bottle of wine for at house so we are getting out and about. and not stuck in constant rut of just meeting for sex.

and btw - i am size 16. (down from 18-20 at start of this thread).... and never had an issue.

but.... i echo betty - his saying about his legions of women chasing after him would have me binning him. thats not confidence. thats arrogance.

betty - busy wkd

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 23/03/2010 19:13

wise words there juice!

Betty79 · 23/03/2010 19:15

asbm-actually he said he runs an estate agency in a big city centre

cake-I do think like lou says he might be stringing you along for more sex, if it was me and i wanted to test this wud be let him come round but avoid sex and see if he comes back! or dont bother?! It's a hard one but if you think they are playing games they probably are.

lou-ahh poor naughty puppy lol

As for trucker, yeah he's seems to be hanging on in there still not really sure if I'm that bothered about him, i still think he needs to make more effort but we'll see! As for EA he seems nice so far, easy to talk too(well on msn lol) he did say yest its hard to talk on there so might say next time ring me.

Betty79 · 23/03/2010 19:18

you snuck in there juice, u always have wise words lol

aseriouslyblondemoment · 23/03/2010 19:22

am not being rude but it's one of my bogey professions after all the crap i've had trying to sell my house
are you preferring him to trucker now?
you're def the lady with the options on here atm

cake4ever · 23/03/2010 19:33

Thanks everyone. Juice do you think it's ok to check this out with him now about the exclusive thing? He has only ever talked about long term - never about casual. His profile on pof also talks about long term. He has however, got a few pics on there which are a bit posey with his shirt undone and lying on a bed with his hands behind his head kind of thing.

Betty the EA sounds lovely and seems quite keen from what you say.

Thanks Lou for your input - I think you may have a point and I know you've said you've been dating for a while so I guess you've seen this kind of thing before. Your puppy sounds like a handful but they are so cute aren't they!

Betty79 · 23/03/2010 19:34

ha ha no probs asbm, estate agents can be idiots i know! anyway lets hope he's one of the good ones

Not sure who i prefer tbh like u say am keeping my options open

It's not cheap to keep getting babysitters tho, am glad kids are with their dad for 4 days next week, means if i do have any dates i wont need sitters lol

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 23/03/2010 19:38

cake - if you have discussed you are "in a relationship".. you should definately be able to ask if this relationship is exclusive.

ea - a bit like car salemen in my books. all full of shit charm.

lou - pink puppies are all the rage dont ya know??

OP posts:
Betty79 · 23/03/2010 19:40

juice-well im not writing him off yet lol he's not been too charming yet will see on the date i suppose!

aseriouslyblondemoment · 23/03/2010 19:46

oh juicy i could have dated a guy who termed his profession civil servant...until i delved a bit deeper and found out...

...he worked for the csa

Betty79 · 23/03/2010 19:48

oh no the csa!!

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 23/03/2010 20:04

rofl at csa

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 23/03/2010 20:06

oh yes....hmm wonder why he's not snapped up yet?...maybe as he feels uncomfortable with single mums and views us all as scroungers..or maybe it's his interest in whether an exh/p pays maintainence
seriously,i kid you not!

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 23/03/2010 20:14

asbm - please tell me your taking the piss??... he didn't actually ask those things and have those opinions?

OP posts:
cake4ever · 23/03/2010 20:15

asbm he would never be off duty would he. As for estate agents, I think they can be ok these days - not like they were back in the 80s and 90s. They will never shake off that label though!

No follow up text despite me sending him one back asking a few questions - we'll see! God he's so bloody gorgeous. When things seem too good to be true they usually are.

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