Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 18)

1000 replies

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 24/02/2010 18:01

part 18.... jeeze 17 threads have past...17 threads worth of dating excitment/disasters.

wonder what number 18 will bring

any predictions anyone?

wedding/co-habitation for someone must be due by now.

OP posts:
piratecat · 18/03/2010 14:56

Thing is I was very in love with my husband, which started very quickly after we met,and i keep comparing how that all started.

We were both single,and able to do what the hell we liked when we liked. Now, of course i am much loder, a bit jaded and have a child. he has no children or 'past', but is still very much doing the out with the mates thing. I guess we'll see won't we.

I am not dissecitng it ( much), don't get me wrong, i am just being forced to look at myself emotionally in a different way, and i feel almost like i have not got a clue. It's quite alarming! I am a worrier yes. At least that first date if out the way tho!!

The new guy just seems so very very different, has said he plays his cards to close to his chest and wants to improve that to move forwardd, yet I don't like the feeling that I can't 'read' him much iyswim. He popped over today very breifly, as we live fairly far apart, and it seemed awkward/shy sorta. I keep questioning it, so maybe it's not right. How long do i give it lol!!!

Monty100 · 18/03/2010 15:09

Hi Pirate (just caught up properly).

It sounds like your confidence has taken something of a bashing. You should look at that and build yourself up. You're probably an even better catch now than when younger, maturity is a good trait you know! I don't blame you for being shakey and you shouldn't worry about it so much.

The guy sounds quite nice as he didn't flinch. Just give yourself time and take things at your own pace. We all have to build up a trust with others don't forget.

Good luck!

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 18/03/2010 15:36

piate - why are you being forced to look at yourself emotionally? who's forcing? yourself? or has fella mentionned something that makes you question yourself.?

monty - mmmmmmmm cabbage

lou - do you get into pj's as soon as you get back from school run yet? or are you not that far yet in old foggey-dome

just back from chiropractor. turns out he thinks i fractured myself with falling off the horse , and my neck doesn't sit right from a very old accident i have no idea where i got it from. i dont remember injuring it , says the neck damage seems pretty far gone (although he wont know for sure till he gets a good look at xrays and scans he did today)... thinks it a good 20yr old, meaning i must have done it as a toddler
and my hips are in bad state but they could be a combination of several accidents i've had over the years and a lengthy back to back labour with a maaaahoooosive baby!

OP posts:
lou33 · 18/03/2010 16:10

If content means tired then yes lol. I am tho in all seriousness.

Juice thats such a tempting thought but nowadays I have to do puppy walking so its not an option . And from tomorrow I have boris and dora for a week, as his ex w is going away and asked me to have him. I have will be in bed by nine and ten will seem dangerously exciting lol

SingleMum01 · 18/03/2010 16:40

Monty - don't know, there is an indian next to the cosy pub but I haven't been there so I don't know what its like. Other than that I could book the other indian in my town and he could come over here, but that means he may want to pick me up/drop me off etc! Plus it isn't licensed.

Monty100 · 18/03/2010 16:44

SM01 - Not licensed! forget that one

Right, we need a new plan here.

Juice - blimey.

SingleMum01 · 18/03/2010 16:52

Do you think I should book the other one, even though I don't know what its like?

piratecat · 18/03/2010 17:12

hmm ,interesting. I think my confidence has taken more of a bashing than i realsied. I have kinda boxed things up over thelast 5 yrs, now need to be having a good look at myself. my needs, my insecurity is all form me and mine iyswim.

As he seems a little hard to read, then i am questioning myslef? I don't want to be needy, but i will be honest. Its been so so long since i was even properly in the company of a man I fancy so much.
I guess i need to take time to get used to it all. he hasn't sadi anyhting to make me feel questionable, i seem to be doing it to myself.

I am just scared of feeling for someone again. It's my first toe dip, since 1995!!

SingleMum01 · 18/03/2010 17:40

Hooray, the indian I thought wasn't licensed is! Not too expensive either.

Now, do I suggest we meet there, how do I get round the fact that its in my town but I don't want him to pick me up?

lou33 · 18/03/2010 17:49

Book it and just tell him you prefer to make your own way. You dont have to give any other reason.

Monty100 · 18/03/2010 18:13

SMO1 - Or meet him for a quick drink somewhere near the Indian first?

SingleMum01 · 18/03/2010 19:42

Its booked, I text him, he rang me, we've arranged to meet there,

Monty - probably jeans and a nice top - if I can fine one lurking in my wardrobe!

Ooh I'm nervous, excited too!

Monty100 · 18/03/2010 21:09

SM - outfit sounds good to me. Oooo it's great when someone's got an exciting date.

Monty100 · 18/03/2010 21:21

Piratecat - its not an easy thing to do, don't beat yourself up though, its perfectly understandable to be scared, but it sounds like you need some confidence building. You've obviously been hurt. Time to move on?

ninah · 18/03/2010 21:44

Hello all
I've been inundated this week not with dates with work stuff, parents eve etc, and I have started to give an art lesson one eve to friends dc. After that random night of man hunting they all started to reply but I have still to arrange subs etc (found some time for ebay tho lol)
good luck with your date sm!
monty are you irish? I made St patrick's cards with the kids - but i am most excited about hopefully going to ireland at easter for first time, my grandma came from Tipperary but none of us have ever visited -
will prob go west coast and take some sketching stuff!
sounds worrying about your back juicy ...

ninah · 18/03/2010 21:46

oh yes and to pc agree with the others
it is normal to feel a bit on edge I would say, though - one thing that happened to me when I started dating again is I had loads of quite vivid dreams about my ex
was def wary ... not insecure tho

piratecat · 18/03/2010 22:20

yes, the insecure thing maybe is a bit telling. Good point, as I am really secure about who i am and what i want. I guess it's about guaging it all tho. We need time to suss each other.
my insecurity is deep lying, have been like this mainly because of how ex has treated me and dd even tho he buggered off.

How do you ever incorporate a new man with your kids, thats another one.

advice please!!

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 18/03/2010 22:30

pc - i think one of the vital things of a good relationship is that there's a natural belance of communication and you are both able to understand each others expressions of affection and attention for what they are.

if your not compatible in this way... you may never be. you may always be slightly insecure in this relationship. unless you wish to address the situation and put your cards on the table.

for example... is there a lot of game playing involving who calls who first, who arranges dates etc.

in a good relationship... the contact and communication is open and evenly matched that it isn't too much (or too little) between the pair.

everyone who has had a relationship that they felt secure.. if you ask them how the contact/comms were during the early day and if they played games... the general response will be that it never even registered if they were ... it "just happened"

i could be completely off goal with this.

but this is a very common factor in creating insecurity.

some people like to get something a text/call every day. others can happily go a few days with nothing and it doesn't bother them.

if you are an everyday sort of gal.. and he's an every 2nd day type of fella... that leaves you watching your phone in the middle day where he doesn't contact.

i certainly know for me. if i dont get this straight off the bat and natural matching. i give it up. all that does he/doesn't he takes up head space i dont have.

some of the others may be able to back me up on this. or telling me i'm talking shite.

but they def have more experience with introducing kids. i've only done this once. by accident due to being snowed in . and now trying to figger out how i go about it with my current situation

OP posts:
piratecat · 18/03/2010 22:51

juice, thanks for that, a really great post.

that's the thing, KNOW what it's like to feel totally at ease with someone, but that was my ex, and i didn't have the history i have today.

me and new bloke are relying on alot of texts, happily, and both in equal amounts.

he has told me he knows he plays his cards close to his chest and has said he wants to improve, that bit, in our new 'romance'. My guess is that it's prob hampered other relationships for him.

So ihave said 'yep thats what i need'! And i am trying not to be too judgemental, becuase I know it's not as easy for everyone to be so ridiculously open as i am. I am like it all the time!! Yet, there is no way I need a project.

I know he is insecure, he has told me, or that he lacks confidence. it doesn't come over to much like that, but i think he lacks confidence in relationships. Again, I have no idea why his past relationship ended.

We will see. Whateverh appens it will be another expereince for me, and it's good to be able to wrtie it down to you ladies.

Monty100 · 18/03/2010 22:59

Hi stranger - Ninah you do sound busy, a good busy though. Yes I am from NI originally. I've been here a long time though. I don't know Tipp. One of my close friends who is 'second gen' goes to Tipp all the time as she has loads of rellies there, she's more Irish than I am. Sounds lovely going to sketch, seascapes or wildlife? The coast and the wildlife are both so lovely, and it should be really pretty then, as long as it doesn't rain of course. (Take plenty of green pencils with you lol. Hope you enjoy it. The Guinness food is top.

Pirate - I'm not sure how old your dcs are. But generally, I'd say you incorporate a new man slowly and gently. All that Juice says is good advice, one thing I'd say is always keep a bit of yourself for yourself. Don't let them all consume you.

Was so funny when Juice's bloke got snowed in. Didn't he shake hands with your ds Juice?
Lol.

Friday tomorrow, thank crunchie. What's everyone else doing the weekend?

hatesponge · 19/03/2010 01:34

oh shit...i think i might have got myself a date for tomorrow afternoon

have been exchanging emails with new match man for last hour or so (not either of the ones from last night!) when i really should be in bed....now he's asked if i fancy meeting up tomorrow

he only lives down the road from me (literally about a mile away if that) so will be easy to meet up.

eek!

Dollytwat · 19/03/2010 08:50

good luck Hatesponge!

I've been chatting on Smooch with a couple of nice men, do you think it's better to get a date out the way quickly or to chat for a while?

Betty79 · 19/03/2010 09:10

Woohoo Sponge! Good luck on your date then!

lou33 · 19/03/2010 09:38

Introducing a man is as easy or as hard as you want it to be. There is no reason it has to be anything other then low key. . .'this is x, my friend' , and leave it to develop from there.

The right guy will not be phased. Fwiw my bf jumped right in willingly and made his own relationships with my kids as did they with him, with no pressure from me and without me making a big thing about it

hatesponge · 19/03/2010 11:01

well, date may or may not be on....basically last night he said think about where to meet and to text him.

which i did this morning

and I've not had a delivery receipt. so either hes not got his phone on, or its the wrong number...

what should I do? email him on Match? or leave it? was meant to be meeting him after 12....

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.