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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Given up on love - very sad.

41 replies

poshsinglemum · 10/02/2010 17:30

I don't know what else to say really apart from it just hasn't worked out for me.

I am so fed up with men and love. I have lost all hope. I know it is something to do with me. Men just seem to hate me.

I feel sad that I was lied to when I was little girl. No handsome prince will ever rescue me.

OP posts:

Flightattendant · 10/02/2010 17:32

I feel the same...but am consoling myself by being hopelessly in love with someone completely unavailable!

Not good...

JeremyVile · 10/02/2010 17:34

Why do you need to be rescued?
If you are going through life with notions of fairytales then this in itself may be a little off-putting.

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 10/02/2010 17:44

I don't really believe in being rescued but I used to believe in a love where the man cherished the woman.

Not any more.

OP posts:

Flightattendant · 10/02/2010 17:45

I don't think it's exactly that.

I find it's quite hard work when one likes oneself, and thinks oneself is an OK type of person, but nobody seems to join in with this...rather, nobody comes along and thinks you are special enough to fall in love with.

Maintaining the feeling of being someone 'loveable' is really difficult; it's easy to get demoralised and fall off the wagon a bit in that sense.

I think the rescuing thing is about some bloke appearing and saying 'actually I agree, you are a very nice person and I really would like to be with you'

rather than having to fly your own flag the whole time.
Maybe that is all wrong...but it is how it looks from here.

Flightattendant · 10/02/2010 17:46

It is like being a political party that nobody votes for.

Bit of a waste of time!

thesteelfairy · 10/02/2010 17:48

Yes, me too but also slightly hopeful that my life may improve now that I am not allowing to be defined by any relationship I happen to be in.

Flightattendant · 10/02/2010 17:50

Yes that does help,

it is surprising how much one gains in strength when one is not in a relationship...not in a crappy one I mean.

But oh the loneliness!

thesteelfairy · 10/02/2010 17:58

Well I have been married twice and had two other live in partners plus numerous others relationships, I am definitely a serial monogamist. Some of the break ups my fault some not. What I do know is that the times inbetween relationships were my happiest and most proactive and when I felt most at peace. I think maybe I am just not meant to be in a relationship. I truly am a better more focussed person when single.

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 10/02/2010 19:08

Hi all.

A lot of the time I am blissfully happy when single but I do get sad when I see couples and feel liek I am missing out.

Sometimes I feel that I am TOO independant.

OP posts:

chubbasmum · 10/02/2010 20:46

i think you have hit the nail on the head we are too independent men find it a threat they like to be needed at the end of the day it should be 50/50

AnnieBeansMum · 10/02/2010 20:50

Yes it is very sad. But it could be worse - you could be in a relationship and still be lonely and feel unloved.

RedHairedGirlie · 10/02/2010 21:04

I feel the same too - and it just gets worse with the run up to valentines with all the lovey stuff going on.. its not even a jealousy thing - just sad that I am on my own and sick of being treated like dirt by men. I am a nice person.. sometimes wonder if thats where I went wrong ...

Its actually getting to the point now that I feel compelled to distance myself from married friends as it just hurts and makes me feel more of an odd ball...

Sorry, been ill all week with the wee one so feeling particularly sorry for myself ..

I never wanted a prince or to be rescued - just treated wtih some common decency and respect would have worked..

Janestillhere · 11/02/2010 19:05

Today I went to M&S and bought the 'two dine valentine meal blah blah for £20'

The nice lady who was stacking the shelves said 'ooh yes, I'd choose that for my romantic meal too'

I nearly told her her in actual fact the meal was just for me and would be split over two nights. I didn't.

The children eat potato waffles for England and I did feel a fraud for buying it, but hell, the food looks fab! Sod it!

pinksmarties · 11/02/2010 21:22

OMG I agree with you all. Was dumped 2 years ago (we were together for 27)

I find its getting harder as time goes by instead of easier. I've been dreading valentines day so much. It used to be one of my favourite days and i'd fill the house with chocolate hearts, he'd buy me flowers etc. Now he'll be buying them for "her" instead.

I went to the bakers and bought lots of lovely huge biscuits (like jammy dodgers) with jam hearts in the middle for me and the kids.

As for finding love again I know it will be hopeless.

I've been on a dating site for 2 months and most of the men are very sad cases indeed.

I myself have more baggage than Luton airport

but am lovely in most ways all be it in my mid 40s.

Dillie · 11/02/2010 21:33

It must be the time of year i think ....

And yes as Annie says, it could be worse in a relationship and feeling ever so lonely

pinksmarties · 11/02/2010 21:39

Flight, you put it so well, you have a fantastic way with words.

I can't bear being a political party that nobody votes for.

Yes the loneliness is a killer.

Went to the DR 2 days ago. Told her I was close to a breakdown.

I said that there are so many women in similar situations to me and what are we supposed to do ?

Lonliness, depression, overwhelming responsabilities with kids, home etc, never mind the deep loathing and betrayal and an ongoing divorce. She suggested that I have a 10 minute walk everyday FFS. Then she increased my ADs and that was that.

Thank f...k for mumsnet.

All you women are just wonderfull and more support than most things in RL.

I can recomend "divorce recovery workshop" though. Google it.

Now I just need a"spelling in your late 40s workshop".

Chil1234 · 12/02/2010 13:00

Don't worry OP. Men don't hate you. However, unlike people in the first flush of love's young dream you are probably just a little more fussy, a little less tolerant and little more cynical - and therefore less easily duped.

If you want a pick-me-up, just read some of the many MN threads from people in relationships who do nothing but moan about their 'DH'. Think yourself lucky and enjoy your singledom. When you stop looking for love it'll probably come along to ruin everything anyway!

Flightattendant · 12/02/2010 18:35

Thanks Pink that is kind of you!

I suppose usually what happens with a political party is they stick to their principles, go on being unknown and a bit undersubscribed for donkeys years, then suddenly they have their moment and get very fashionable!

I'm not sure what would precipitate this though. But you will do better if you can prove you have always been the same and are not some fly-by-night new labour softy

there is hope

we are just having a quiet bit at the moment...

MrsMorgan · 12/02/2010 20:38

I was about to post on here and say that it does get easier, but then I thought 'does it'.

Imo think the loniless never goes, but you learn to accept it.

I have stopped hoping for a man to come into my life. I have been single for 4yrs and think that if it was going to happen then it would have by now.

I don't like the thought of being single forever, but I have accepted that I probably will be. Or at least I cry less now so I think I have accepted it.

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 12/02/2010 21:25

Hi all. I am feeling more positive today. I think that Valentine's day does bring up this sort of feeling.

I think that the best way to tackle it is to enjoy all the good things about being single such as freedom to be ourselvesa and in due course good things will happen to us that may involve men or not.

I am going to focus on dd, friends, mum and dad and hobbies. I am going to get dd and I some pets. I think if I have some pets i will keep the nurturing side of me going.

OP posts:

pinksmarties · 12/02/2010 23:34

Glad you're feeling better Posh. I am too. Was really dreading valentines day but am dreading it less now and by monday it will be over.

Pets is a wonderfull idea. Ive got a few including a rescue dog from battersea dogs home and she is THE MOST WONDERFUL thing in mine and the kids lives. ds1 just can't understand how dh could have left her as he loved her and she's SO wonderful.

The only thing is that there's an extra thing to be responsible for which can be quite daunting sometimes, especially if she's ill.

She's had 2 opperations this year and the vets bills are horrendous. It wouldn't be "home" without animals though.

Get something lovely to cuddle, there's nothing like it. x

ROCCIA · 13/02/2010 20:57

Poshsinglemum, I have the same problem, furthermore, I am afraid I live very well with it

ChangesAhead · 13/02/2010 21:57

Hi everyone, just picked up this thread, to be honest I usually don't comment because I do not feel like I have much to offer as everythings usually been said anyway! But just reading through this briefly I feel compelled to add to it.

I split up from exh 2 yrs ago, since then had a couple of very brief relationships but men just seem to run away from me! I think like some of you ladies I'm probably just a bit too independant but that doesn't mean I want to be alone does it!

I hate Valentine's Day! and I feel sad when I see couples together. I spent 15 years in a marriage where I think my exh hated me most of the time, and now I'm free it doesn't look like I'll ever meet anyone who wants to be with me!! I do feel sad and my heart feels so heavy sometimes, I just don't think I'll ever meet a guy who will love and cherish me and truly want to be with me. I just get this sinking feeling that I'll always be alone!

There that's my rant over!

kdk · 14/02/2010 09:32

Hi all

Just thought I'd add my tuppenceworth - I've been on my own since my kids were six months old bar a couple of very brief dalliances - one of which ended when I made it clear that a shag was not on the near horizon ...

I'm on various websites but find them absolutely depressing for several reasons, mainly that the men I find attractive (and there sadly aren't that many!) don't seem to find me so ... and the ones that find me attractive or message me - well in general I would rather consume my own used sanitary protection than spend time with them.

I've come to the conclusion that if you're 40 it is highly unlikely that online dating will work, especially if you are in a big city as there is such a large pool of attractive, 30-ish women who attract the 40+ men.

I do get messages but they are from guys under 30 (not my thing), old farts of 55+ (likewise) or blokes who are so fugly/thick/weird - delete as applicable - that I am sometimes sickened that they even think I would be interested.

While I get down sometimes and would like someone not just for the obvious but also as a companion/friend/lover - I'm not so depressed that I'm prepared to lower my standards. If the payback for that is that I remain single for the rest of my life, so be it ... it's a situation that could be considerably worse!

Embrace your independence, value your own time and company - and cherish yourself and your many many attributes!

kdk · 14/02/2010 09:33

Oh and @pinksmarties - noticed you're in north London - a few of us on the other thread "where are all the ...." are thinking about meeting up one evening in London - why don't you come along?

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