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Lone parents

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Original poster

So I met this man on a dating website, and he told me that he is a Phd, but I have just googled him

60 replies

nighbynight · 23/01/2010 00:28

and he's not, in fact he doesn't seem to have a degree at all.
Actually, he is interesting, but the lie kind of puts me off. Doesnt he realise that any genuine phd is traceable on t'internet??

heyho, just an everyday story of internet dating.

OP posts:

SixtyFootDoll · 23/01/2010 08:04

Well if you googled my name it would tell you I am a triathlete.
I am not.
Have you got the right person?

pagwatch · 23/01/2010 08:14

ummm,the "its the lie" is all very well and pehaps I am a twat - not having a Phd and all- but he didn't tell you that he was a brain surgeon and then actually turn out to be a drug dealer.

He bigged himself up a bit. Perhaps he really liked you. Perhaps he thought you were a bit of a snob about education ( not totally out of the bounds of possibility given that you googled him) and wanted to keep you interested.

If everything else about him seems fine I would ask him to explain.
If he admits and was just exagerating for a bit of air brushing , I would give him another chance .

Gumbo · 23/01/2010 08:17

Sorry, slightly off track but...
I worked with someone who claimed to have a Phd. He was a complete tosser, and very very unpleasant. Even referred to himself as 'Dr. Tosser', and made everyone else do the same. During the time my company hired him, and for several weeks afterwards, they were constantly trying to get him to produce proof of his qualification - there were endless reasons why he couldn't (lost in the post, forgot, flood damaged it etc). He never managed to produce it, and shortly afterwards faked his own death in the Paddington rail crash!!!! (It was in the papers everywhere...)

Basically, if you don't think this bloke is telling the truth walk away - and as others have said, trust your instinct. Good luck!

Original poster

nighbynight · 23/01/2010 10:53

thanks for replies.
I really dont know how googling someone you are interested in, equates to academic snobbery, pagwatch. Actually, I found out that he has got a big achievement, that many women would be impressed by, that he didn't mention (yes, I am sure its the same person) - he is a former olympic sportsman.

he is claiming, not just a phd, but to be a researcher at the top of his field. I find it a bit much, unfortunately.

OP posts:

Original poster

nighbynight · 23/01/2010 10:54

I remember the story about the guy who faked his death, gumbo. Sounds a bit of a problem.

OP posts:

pagwatch · 23/01/2010 11:00

fair enough.
It wouldn't occur to me to google someones Phd but I am sure you have made the right decision. And he deliberately conclealed the whole Olympic sportsman thing too....

Original poster

nighbynight · 23/01/2010 11:08

no, it was just a general google, so put the sarcasm away! But I did want to read details of his research. No snobbery, I know loads of people who have research papers on the web, including family members.

OP posts:

TrillianAstra · 23/01/2010 11:13

Googling someone makes perfect sense - when you don't know someone very well it's hard to tell if they are telling the truth (or if you are just being unnecessarily suspicious), and plus it's fun to be nosey.

pagwatch · 23/01/2010 11:22

I think you are massively misreading my tone.
I thought your post was a kind of 'oh well, what do you think, shit happens' type posting.
I thought he may have been worth being given a chance to explain and that you seemed very focussed on one down point which just may have been explained by other things.
I thought asking him may have revealed benign motives.
And googling people one meets does seem really weird to me - maybe not to you, but it does to me. It wouldn't occur to me

open thread, you invited comments, i was teasing you.

pagwatch · 23/01/2010 11:23

I have missed the nosey oppertunities. This could be a whole new hobby

pofarced · 23/01/2010 11:27

How odd that he would conceal the fact that he has been an Olympic sportsman yet lie about having a Phd.

Original poster

nighbynight · 23/01/2010 11:50

I am shocked that you dont google people!
when I am feeling a bit down, I depress myself further by googling all the people I was at university with, half of them are on wikipedia by now.

OP posts:

Original poster

nighbynight · 23/01/2010 11:51

pofarced - I dont know a lot about him, but I have picked up that he is very focussed and works very hard - I would speculate that he finds it hard not to be at the top of whatever he is doing, perhaps.

OP posts:

pagwatch · 23/01/2010 11:53

oh trust me. I intend to take it up imediately.. This is a rich vein of self esteem mangling info that I now realise I cannot live without

skybluewinking · 23/01/2010 12:04

I am in nighbynighs camp re googling, but think I take it to a whole new level. When I worked in an estate agency we ALL googled our applicants.(This was for lettings) Usually it backed up whatever they had told us, but sometimes, especially if we were a bit dubious about someone, it would help us decide. Unfair? Maybe.My duty of care was to my client, the Landlord.
I think this is very common in life now.

TheBossofMe · 23/01/2010 12:11

Hey, I even google myself. Self-obsessed, moi?

EdgarAllenSnow · 23/01/2010 13:14

yeah likesay its the lie thats the problem - and i believe you've snooped properly!

and i don't see anything wrong in flaunting real qualifications - they represent much time and effort on the part of those attaining them. Big sister was v. disappointed when her school told her about their first name policy... (she is not the down with the kids style of teacher)

wannaBe · 23/01/2010 13:49

I think it's incredibly sad when we start basing our opinions of people on what we find (or don't find) out about them on google.

If you googled me you wouldn't come up with anything because I haven't done anything in my life worth publishing on google. So if I were in the unfortunate position to be dating again could I assume that people would consider me a fraud because I wasn't googleable? what happened to taking people at face value and finding out about them as a relationship develops?

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 23/01/2010 14:14

..but presumably, wannabe, you wouldn't start off the relationship by claiming to have a PhD? (Or to be a triathlete, or whatever)

I can kind of see where he might have felt justified in pretending though ... I worked in a research lab without having a PhD, where most of my colleagues did. And life being what it is, a fair proportion of them were, well, not the intellectual giants you might think.
You do find yourself thinking, yeah, Dr X, I may not have a PhD, but at least I haven't exploded my reaction/dropped my product in the water bath/burned down the lab..! I have been slightly tempted to introduce myself as Dr Y; after all, who'd know the difference? Really? ...but I never have, I'm rather a poor liar and generally find it best not to even try

Mimile · 23/01/2010 14:19

Are you actually sure that anyone having a PhD is traceable on google?
Not sure about it [but do enlighten me if I am missing out on a trick!]

EdgarAllenSnow · 23/01/2010 14:32

i've just googled big sister. there she is.

and the OP said they had found a page that definitely related to him. And she's right about Germany - the letters would definitely be used.

Sassybeast · 23/01/2010 15:35

People who claim to have PHds but don't are generally losers not to mention fantasists and pathological liars. Drop him and move on to the next hunk My classic dating lie involved a guy claiming to be 6'. When he was about 5'2''.

Original poster

nighbynight · 23/01/2010 15:45

wannaBe, I dont agree. I found a publication by a reputable organisation that directly contradicts what he has told me.
My ex on the other hand spun loads of lies, that I only later realised were lies - I had no way of checking them, as he well knew.

Loads of people, including me, aren't googleable - I certainly wouldnt hold it against someone if they were not googleable, unless they said that they had published a book, or something, of course, in which case I'd expect to find it mentioned somewhere.

Anyway, when you meet someone over the internet, it seems a little illogical not to use it to find information about them!

OP posts:

Original poster

nighbynight · 23/01/2010 15:47

Actually, I dont mind him not having a phd, and I can even forgive him lying about it - what pisses me off, is that he thought I was stupid enough that I wouldnt catch on to the discrepancy immediately!

OP posts:

Jux · 23/01/2010 15:48

Tell him how interesting you find it that he pretends to have a PhD. Ask him how insecure he is. Ask him whether he feels stupid or just is.

Then find someone else.

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