Advice needed urgently!!! long post sorry

[kdk]

Hoping some of you wise and experienced internet daters can tell me what to do ...

A while back (last time I tried online dating) I got chatting to a bloke - we exchanged quite a few messages before I realised it was always me asking the questions and initiating conversations so I stopped - and sadly so did he ....

Anyway, although we have not contacted each other for quite a few months he still views my profile occasionally - the last time the other day. What I want to know is should I contact him - eg spirtit of christmas/goodwill etc. TBH he's about the only bloke I've got chatting to on any of these sites that seems reasonably attractive and intelligent and I would hate to regret not having contacted him in years to come ...

Should I maintain my pride and let him contact me or not - or nail my courage to the mast or whatever the expression is and stand up for a woman's right to initiate things? If anyone wants to look at my profile and give me any (useful) pointers I"d be grateful as well.

And I've got a bloody horrible cold as well .....

No! If he was really interested he would be in touch.

I wouldn't bother. If he was interested he'd have been in touch long ago.

What if he's shy and thinking the same? C'mon is everyone negative about this? Okay then [slinks away to corner and sulks]

Wouldn't normally recommend contacting him (seems like you're doing all the running) but life's too short to regret not doing anything.

Go for it.

Thanks for this one. I have a guy on line who said he would be in touch before christmas to arrange a date but he hasnt been. Based on your views am NOT going to contact him. Happy christmas

Kdk - hi, think you'll get good advice over on the other thread maybe a bit later as everyone is probably wrapping and stuff at the minute. (which I've just been doing and still got tidying up to do grrrr).

I think they might say don't contact him though. I'd maybe give it one last go and then forget.

I'll chat over there about different sights and stuff as I don't want to hijack here.

Chin up though!

Hi all - firstly merry christmas and secondly thanks for your insights - to be fair, it was me that stopped responding - just never replied to a message he sent me rather than other way round if that makes a difference.

Methinks this is one of the reasons internet dating doesn't cut it for me, bad at reading signals/not very good at flirting and seem to attract mainly outright weirdoes/tossers extraordinaire so just a bit worked up that I may have screwed up only normal-ish prospect on the (virtual) horizon.

Chin still up though (just)

if you stopped responding then say happy xmas to him or something along those lines

if it was all rather a lot of effort on your part i would say leave him, there will be others

sadly not the case lou, wish it was but for some reason I attract lunatics, transexuals, toyboys and the deeply unattractive and am therefore doomed to remain celibate for the rest of my days - hey ho at least there's chocolate and plenty of good books to read.

nothing wrong with a toyboy, i am a bit partial myself

@ lou, toyboys not my scene - particularly 20 year olds - my dts' dad is 10 years younger and that along with a couple of other dalliances has put me off huge age gaps either way - just want to meet someone intelligent/charming/reasonably fit and attractive between 39 and 54 - would have thought not too difficult but think I'm probably just too fussy!

oh no 20 yr olds are a no go!

You're telling me they're a no go! The other incredibly undesirable option is the over-60s .... one got irate when I suggested he might like to meet my mother - well she's a very young 73 - and less difference between him and me than him and her!

kdk have posted some advice on the other thread.

All of those people have also contacted me ie transexuals, loons, 18 yr olds to seventy year olds, ugly bugs (the ugly bug ball etc etc

Ignore them.

I once started chatting to someone who told me he had the name of his football team tattooed on his knob - yuck yuck yuck.

Just moved swiftly on.

was it manchester united or qpr?

it matters you know

probably a five a side methinks

did he send you pics scl?

no I stopped communicating with him there and then.

Neither of those two teams nor five a side

OK - just had the all time best - and this is why I despair

"hello i am not shore if i am the sort of man you are looking for . so if you think that you would like to get to know me better then please drop me a line .. . PS i have had 6 operations on my spine which has left me unable to walk any great distance , so i have a small electric scooter for when i go out . it dose not stop me from gardening and DIY , it just takes me a little bit longer . also i have had a triple heart bypass in 2002 . so if you don't like bodies with scars all over it then i will not do for you yours mick . PS . i am not looking for a nurse maid as i can do every thing for my self .."

from X, aged 61

as you can imagine I can hardly contain my excitement and am leaping up and down thanking santa for bringing me such a wonderful specimen .... not particularly the disability nor the age but all that combined with spectacularly bad grammar and absolutely no shared interests ....

oh - and that was after yesterday's 41-year-old virgin who thought we had lots in common

hi and happy xmas kdk
is this that fella from FRD?
there are lots of loons online or seemingly nice men who turn out to have major issues
i know that you've had a bit of a crap time with it all but don't give up
all of us have had a hit n miss experience not only with online dating but with dating in general
i think it's partly because we're older and hopefully wiser and won't accept any old crap post divorce and also because we're now single mums and we are naturally wary as well as lacking in free time
i think i dated 6 blokes before i met my now dp and by the time he came along i was really bored with the whole thing and wasn't going to renew my sub
noticed you're on GSM now,i was always led to believe that it attracted a better class of clientele for want of a better word?!
isn't that the case?

Hi asbm, god no not him - captn slingyourhook - no, I have to say that I found FRD a total waste of time - maybe it's because I'm in London and there are a lot of 40-ish, attractive, intelligent women to choose from and sadly not a huge corresponding pool of intelligent, attractive men - I mean I've even had bi-curious women approaching me who seem to have got fed up with the standard of available men - just not a direction I'm willing to go in (yet ...)!

This one is off a site called OK Cupid -it's free and mostly US-based but seems to get a (slightly) more intelligent clientele than POF - still get weirdoes/trannies/toyboys but get the occasional potential - and I think maybe be and the one that got away are both a bit too wary of getting hurt to risk very much. Like I've said, I felt he wasn't asking me many questions and just stopped responding ... now think that may have been a mistake but hey ho, we'll see ....

oh thank goodness for that!{phew emoticon}
he was a right tosser weirdo
and you'll be pleased to hear was still active on there after you'd bowed out
iirc he also seemed to be on there all day on that page of oldies,losers and nutters
never tried ok cupid but i think scl has and she's in london too so hopefully she'll come along and post
please don't let all this get you down,i know that the xmas period seems to bring it home,i was right royally dumped last xmas so i do know how miserable it can be

think it's that along with a couple of other things that has made me start getting a bit down - I just would like to meet someone with a modicum of wit, wisdom and good looks but keep getting offered dregs ... and yup, it gets me down - suppose it's time for me to bow out again which I think I will when my sub for soulmates runs out soon. Glad to know you've found someone and hope he's nice and worth your time!

thanks!