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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

should i thank 'estranged' FIL for £10 in an envelope and my dd's name spelt wrong??

33 replies

MaggieAnFiaRua · 12/12/2009 22:41

I get my dd to write thank you letters for presents, but the last communication between me and xfil was when he sent me a snotty email giving out to me because i hadn't acknowledged receipt of a parcel he'd sent. I HAD and I'd cc'd his son in on the mail i sent. So he was definitely wrong. I emailed him to say that if he didn't feel I was grateful enough quickly enough then I wouldn't be offended if he no longer wished to send gifts at christmas. happy new year.

That was last year. now, this year, dd has obviously been relegated from a proper present chosen with her in mind to ten quid bunged into an envelope and her name spelt wrong!!!! (he used to know how to spell it )

should i get my dd to write a letter thanking him for the ten measly quid?

OP posts:

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FiveGoMadInDorset · 12/12/2009 22:42

Yes

Tommy · 12/12/2009 22:42

yes

this is her Grandad

Slambang · 12/12/2009 22:43

yes dd should definitely say thank you for ten quid whoever it's from

SantasKinkyKnickers0nMaHead · 12/12/2009 22:43

Nope, I wouldnt tbh.

MadameMoe · 12/12/2009 22:43

Yes

Hulababy · 12/12/2009 22:44

I think that you should still take the higher moral ground, and have tou DD send a thank you for her gift.

Original poster

MaggieAnFiaRua · 12/12/2009 22:44

really? i should thank him for relegating her?? in previous years he got her a proper present?

i always thanked him for a present.

do you have to thank people for ten quid in an envelope?

OP posts:

FiveGoMadInDorset · 12/12/2009 22:44

Yes

Original poster

MaggieAnFiaRua · 12/12/2009 22:45

ok, ok, i'll get her to write a letter saying thank you very much for the ten pounds. you're too kind

OP posts:

SantasKinkyKnickers0nMaHead · 12/12/2009 22:45

I would be inclined to if he had spelt his granddaughter's name correctly.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 12/12/2009 22:46

Along with the others, yes.

You may not like it, but he has made a gesture of reconciliation and given a gift, which should be acknowledged.

Slambang · 12/12/2009 22:46

of course you thank people for ten quid in an envelope.

You thank people for whatever they give you, however small.

Surely you want to teach your dd good manners - double

Original poster

MaggieAnFiaRua · 12/12/2009 22:48

she does have good manners! we always do thank you letters.

i will send him one, even though he's a machiavellian arsehole.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 12/12/2009 22:49

"do you have to thank people for ten quid in an envelope?"

Erm, yes, It is still a gift. Many people send money or vouchers as gifts. Why is it not a proper gift? If things have been strained between you over the last year then ,aybe he is out of touch of what your DD's interests are and felt that she would be able to use the money to get herself something she will like. Many children quite lie getting money.

As for the misspelt name - it could be a simple mistake, and not intentional. Many people, including people we know are important to us, sometimes spell DDs name incorrectly. I do not for one minute think they do it deliberately.

Hulababy · 12/12/2009 22:50

"By MaggieAnFiaRua Sat 12-Dec-09 22:45:51
ok, ok, i'll get her to write a letter saying thank you very much for the ten pounds. you're too kind"

paisleyleaf · 12/12/2009 22:51

Don't write "measly" in the thankyou letter.

Original poster

MaggieAnFiaRua · 12/12/2009 22:52

I don't think you lot get it. After 6 christmases of getting her a proper present, he sends her ten quid because I didn't apologise to him for being rude to me when he thought I didn't thank him enough (even though I had and he was wrong).

This ten quid is the BIrD

OP posts:

Hulababy · 12/12/2009 22:54

If you truely think he has spelt her name wrong and "only" sent her £10 to spite you, then I still think your DD should send a thank you letter. It is the right think to do. It does not need to be gushing - just thank you for your gift.

Missus84 · 12/12/2009 22:55

You're lucky that £10 is "measly" to you!

Original poster

MaggieAnFiaRua · 12/12/2009 22:58

it's not measly. i used it to buy milk, cereal, bananas and coffee actually. I'm getting by with no maintenance from his son, but that's not his fault.

I will get her to send a thank you letter, but it won't be particularly effusive. I'll resist the temptation to add as a footnote, 'i hope dd is grateful enough and that letter was sent quickly enough'.

just wanted to vent really. this isn't AIBU. This is lone parents board.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 12/12/2009 23:00

Awar what board it is on, but does it matter? I may not be a lone parent, but srely can have an opinion on your issue over this. Thought maybe an impartial view may be useful; possibly not.

paisleyleaf · 12/12/2009 23:00

Would he know what she's into to have a good idea what present to get? Not many GPs do without asking for clues from the parents, and it seems he may not have wanted to chat to you about it, but still wants to give his granddaughter a gift.

paisleyleaf · 12/12/2009 23:02

Well she could write thankyou for the milk, cereal, bananas and coffee.

Hulababy · 12/12/2009 23:03

At least he is thinking of her.

Pannacotta · 12/12/2009 23:05

Of course she should thank him, not a good idea to get her mixed up in a disagreement between you and him, he is her grandfather and £10 in an envelope is still a gift...

Sorry but I think you're being quite ungrateful.

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