It makes me feel ghastly to hear you in this emotional state. That is because you are going through something that is really ghastly. I too have been there and more with knobs on, so I know exactly what it is like.
There is pretty much no way you have of avoiding feeling terrible as you can see from other people who all say they went through the same - including me.
But we all recover eventually. It just takes time - lots of it. And lots of talking about it helps too. My own experience couldn't have been worse and I thought I could never recover. But you do. Just grin and bear it right now and try not to wallow too much and try and force yourself to do things to distract you. That is a vital thing to do.
So, force yourself to go out with your friend no matter how much you don't want to.
And, loneliness is the worst thing and the best way of dealing with everything you are experiencing is to talk to people who have been through similar experiences.
Curiously that gut wrenching emptiness of being alone at home without your kids is really nasty and something you think is quite impossible to recover from.
That is what I felt, but now I can't wait to be alone at home on my own (that is free from my time consuming 11 year old son) so I can get things done other than just bringing him up as a single dad with no mum at all in his life.
I think the best way to recover is to think 'Ok that effort at family life failed, but I'm absolutely not letting it stop me from trying again."
And then you need to go out and be proactive about it. The trouble is, it is difficult but when you do it really helps - even if you are not successful. At least it helps move you along in the right direction.
But it is too early to actually to do that right now; you just have to start realising that that is what you will need to do.
Right now, just get out there and start talking to others who have experienced similar situations. But, make sure you speak to men as well as women to avoid being brainwashed by the strident men hating harpys who can't wait to recruit some one else.
I was utterly destroyed by my wife's behaviour, but I made that effort at trying to find another partner. It wasn't a bundle of fun dealing with an endless stream of no-hopers.
But within just six months I had found a really fantastic woman with a ready made family of a boy of six and girl of seven. We really clicked and I couldn't believe my luck.
Interestingly it showed just how unpleasant my entire time with my wife had really been because she had been a total emotional screw-up from the word go.
Thirteen years later, I'm extremely glad I'm not with my nightmare wife. I've completely recovered from that relationship.
And that is despite the fact this second woman became seriously ill in the most devastating way and is no longer able to be with our eleven year old son and me.
Force yourself to read my blog for something to do and some other stories about people having a bad time. It might lighten your load a bit.
]]rocketspage.wordpress.com]]