Have met a lovely lovely bloke

[InternationalFlight]

He's on a dating site but totally not what you'd expect (or like any of the others I've met on them!)

What do I do? he mailed me about 6 weeks ago and I sent the one line thing but it took me till yesterday to actually subscribe...he's still acting interested and I think he's gorgeous, but am terrified I will bugger it up.

Haven't had a relationship since ds2's father who was a twonk. Also scared he won't understand about the children coming first as I don't have much time.

Any tips on how to approach this, as I am so scared I'll put him off and lose my chance. He's lovely and v clever and has a great smile. (no kids himself)

oh don't say that IF
there could be a whole variety of reasons why he hasn't been in touch tho it's true that one of them might be because he's no longer interested
honestly the best way to approach the whole online thing is with SOH by the bucket load as yes there are alot of strange men on there but also many normal ones too
i have had some pretty awful experiences which yes have put me off too if i'm honest but overall it's all part of a learning curve i think
chalk it up to experience and go back on and have another look,or maybe try another site,alot of the girls on the 'fit and interesting'thread use POF as it's free

I know Solid - of course he's entitled to stop, but he was so persistent originally, maybe that should have flagged up as a strange thing, to me...I'm not fed up that he doesn't want to know me any more, just that he implied he was really, really interested, and it turned out to be bollox. That is what makes me cross. And I do think it's quite rude to suddenly disappear when you've not actually done anything that would indicate a reason for that.

Buggered if I understand all this!

Thanks ASBM...it's not something I can do, I think. I appreciate your efforts to help me though. Good luck with yours x

aww bless you
and you will get over this i promise you

TBH he may well have been messaging several people with the same level of enthusiasm and someone else 'got in first' ie asked him for a meeting or offered him a shag, and he's seeing how he gets on before setting up the next date/conversation. Basically it's not your fault, it's luck of the draw.

See that just makes me even MORE depressed, SG!!

If the ones I think seem nice, kind, friendly and genuine are arses out for an easy lay, what hope do I have of spotting anyone actually nice?

(if they even exist..)

No I see what you mean. He might be meeting someone else to see how they get on, while keeping me 'in reserve'. Yes I could understand and forgive that.

Still a bit odd to just disappear...I had a look and am still on his 'favourites' list, hmm.

Meanwhile have had another message from another bloke so I have responded to that. Not as enticing on the surface but who knows...I may as well make use of the month's fees!

yay that's the spirit lol

A lot of guys do this to boost their ego...not saying he has but they contact people to get them interested then move on. It is a hard way to meet someone but I met DP from Plentyoffish. Kissed a few frogs first though.

A lot of women go through what you're going through but a lot of guys do too. I have a few male friends who get 'led on' by women that think it's all a game.

I hope you find a nice guy. Don't rule out any you wouldn't normally date. Sometimes a slow boil is better than a spark that burns

Thanks, you've all made me feel better, I can get very despondent!! However,

he just emailed!!!!

saying his week has been busy and lots of details about what he's been up to, plus his mobile number!

Hm. Looks like I got it a bit wrong

I had a feeling he was too nice to do that without at least making his excuses, iygwim..?

And the other bloke has emailed with his life story which makes me like him rather a lot too, oh dear I have got too many on the go now

life story!! Bit much in my opinion may be too needy. How many emails have you exchanged with 'mr open'?

Good news about the original guy Don't text him until tomorrow though if you haven't already You have to appear busy even if you're not

No you do NOT have too many on the go. Remember, you don't owe them anything, either, and certainly not any kind of exclusivity. At least, not until you have been on a few dates and at least discussed your sexual compatibility and views on monogamy etc. Don't be like some of the silly mares who get hooked up with completely useless, boring and inadequate men that they are too wet nice to dump after the first date.

InternationalFlight, I have only glanced over more recent replies to this but am getting the gist.

I've been in a similar position to you. The specifics for me are briefly:

Married then divorced, started online dating, met partner, had baby. Partner turned out to be nutter. Left partner, had a break from relationships, started online dating again about 6 months later or so and was determined not to be taken for a fool in a relationship ever again.

As a result of the above attitude, I found far fewer men to date online this time around and as it happens became involved with a RL person. (Ykwim!) The RL relationship has been a disaster and to be honest I was starting to learn more about myself with the online stuff, so it's a shame I got sucked into RL man's drama.

In the past I used to over think the whole online relationship development, would be far more flirty than I should have, keener than I should have and more disappointed than I should have.

If there's one thing I know right now, sat here pregnant with a baby belonging to another twit I have had a longish term relationship with.

Decent men will come to you. It does not require a game plan it just requires you to stick to your principles, to be yourself and to offer no more or less than ypu are GENUINELY happy to offer. Be that emotionally, physically, sexually...

Men that are very into you do not simply walk away the same as you wouldn't just naff off a guy you were into.

Have the self esteem to be you and accept no less than what you hope for. Don't do the accomodating.

What's the latest then?

Hello

Well, after Hobb's amazing post I really didn't know how to respond...it really stopped me in my tracks.

Thankyou Hobb for a lot of thinking material.

I've had long emails from both of them now, and haven't been online too much over the weekend as boy#1 was ill so I've just replied to both this morning.

It's so nice to talk to real, nice blokes. it's not like I thought it would be...they are just as real as I am, and seem genuine, interesting and sweet.

I can't decide whether I am interested in either as a potential mate, but there's time for that. The second one actually seems more, well I feel more at ease with him somehow.

Strange how little things can make or break at this stage isn't it? The first one teaches 'adult's literacy'

See being a pedant I find it hard to let that pass! But he has a lovely smile. The other one is a gardener and an artist which I like the sound of.

Will let you know!! Meanwhile thankyou for bolstering me. I am a bit of a wimp at this stuff.

Sorry poor chap i am not really that mean or critical!

Will keep talking to them both and see what happens. They seem v v nice. spelling isn't everything

Well, don't listen to someone who missed an 'm' out of accommodating! Rofl

Seriously, I hope I haven't put you off in any way at all.

I hope you can see that online dating is great stuff, but don't be afraid to take a step back whether n RL or online, it never deters the ones who are worth it! I've yet to try it properly myself because I always get panicky and offer up more of myself when I really shouldn't, or show a little more neediness than I ought to...

this is good to hear
glad you're finding it all fun

glad it's going ok and you're getting some responses.