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Lone parents

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Original poster

Have met a lovely lovely bloke

43 replies

InternationalFlight · 05/05/2009 20:17

He's on a dating site but totally not what you'd expect (or like any of the others I've met on them!)

What do I do? he mailed me about 6 weeks ago and I sent the one line thing but it took me till yesterday to actually subscribe...he's still acting interested and I think he's gorgeous, but am terrified I will bugger it up.

Haven't had a relationship since ds2's father who was a twonk. Also scared he won't understand about the children coming first as I don't have much time.

Any tips on how to approach this, as I am so scared I'll put him off and lose my chance. He's lovely and v clever and has a great smile. (no kids himself)

OP posts:
poshtottie · 05/05/2009 21:04

I met dh on a dating site.

If he doesn't understand your situation regarding your children then he is not worth it.

Keep it casual. I always liked to chat on the phone first before meeting. If I knew we would get on I would meet for lunch or dinner. If unsure then I would meet them for a drink only.

Just be yourself! Good luck

hobbgoblin · 05/05/2009 21:06

Um, best start would be to start considering HIM lucky to have the chance to date you. Get that bit and never be with a twonk again!

Original poster
InternationalFlight · 06/05/2009 07:45

Thanks

I think I am a bit bowled over because he has been quite persistent - he emailed the other day trying to give me his address, it didn't work but also he wasn't like the usual desperate ones who say 'Meet me at so and so nOW!' so I felt he was quite normal.

not really thought about actually meeting him yet - we've just been emailing a bit.

Also worries me very slightly that he's not hooked up with someone before now - well obviously he's probably had girlfriends but usually men I meet who have never been properly committed - well it's because on some level they dont want to be, iygwim?

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Original poster
InternationalFlight · 06/05/2009 07:46

His email address, I mean - because I didn't have a subscription! Not his actual address obv..that would be weird..

OP posts:
mrsblanc · 06/05/2009 07:56

stop worrying!
Keep things chatty in your communications , but don't get your hopes up just yet, bearing in mind you have not actually met him!
it is impossible to tell whether there will be any real attraction until you meet in person.

Good luck

aseriouslyblondemoment · 06/05/2009 10:21

what site is this btw?
i would just take things at your own pace here and enjoy,you won't really know til you meet him i guess

Original poster
InternationalFlight · 06/05/2009 10:46

It's GSM Asbm

How soon would you think about meeting up? I don't know what's usual at all.

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 06/05/2009 11:03

oh GSM!
have heard that there's high calibre talent on there lol
are you able to IM on there?
or have you moved onto MSN?
meeting up is really up to you
i have met up with men aft.a few days and also aft.a few weeks
but have always chatted quite a bit beforehand
has he said anything about a meet up yet?

Original poster
InternationalFlight · 06/05/2009 11:12

Thankyou no not yet,...we are at the 'what are you having for tea' stage/ and lots of POETRY.

i have not got MSN, I tried it once it was awfully difficult to keep up. I hope he does not suggest this.

OP posts:
Original poster
InternationalFlight · 06/05/2009 11:13

we have swapped email addys. Is this Ok? He sent his bcos he's letting his membership lapse, so i thought it polite to give him mine.

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 06/05/2009 11:20

aww
i quite like MSN actually as i usually get a better idea of what someone's like by the way they type ie soh etc etc
it's what suits you really
are you in contact with anyone else off GSM?

Original poster
InternationalFlight · 06/05/2009 12:23

No, I met an aged lecturer once, about 18 months ago...not really spoken to many people. I favourited a few a while back but no messages. I must have been on there for around 2 years now, just lurking in the filing cabinet!
He's got a great sense of humour which he started off apologising for, till I told him not to. He's really funny, I have my moments on here but compared to him I feel dead serious - which is strange! Scared he will think I am v dull!

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 06/05/2009 13:28

an aged lecturer?
well he obv.doesn't think you're dull does he or he wouldn't still be messaging you

Original poster
InternationalFlight · 06/05/2009 20:29

hmm...he hasn't emailed since 11am. I did answer that one.

Oh dear, what did i say? I've had a few convos with blokes that ended this way - they are interested then they just stop.

Really hope he tells me why, if he's not into me any more.

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 06/05/2009 20:47

try not to overthink here
but try not to give to much away iyswim and not replying quickly always works too
would personally make him wait for your next reply
treat em mean etc
it always works

Original poster
InternationalFlight · 07/05/2009 06:20

Thanks

ok...if I do hear from him again I'll not rush. He waited over a month for me to write back at all, maybe he wants a totally one way relationship!!

Still nothing though

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aseriouslyblondemoment · 07/05/2009 10:24

aww sorry to hear
chin up and now you're a fully paid up member why not get looking and send a message yourself?
it's always good to have options

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 08/05/2009 01:25

Please chill out about this and enjoy it for what it is. You can;t know if he's someone you want to date until you actually meet him. he might smell.

Original poster
InternationalFlight · 08/05/2009 06:50

That's true. I'm trying to get involved in other stuff to do and not worry about him...I can't think of anything i said that was possibly offensive, I was very nice. only thing was I asked a few questions (just normal stuff) like so, you share a house then? because everything in his last email was 'we' did this last weekend, stuff to do with their garden etc. So I thought I had better clarify the 'we' bit. although why would he be on a dating site if he was, erm, living with someone already...?

Surely my asking if he shared a house can't have put him off??

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kidowner · 08/05/2009 07:03

Does he know you have dc?

I would get any new boyf CRB checked.

My dfriend met a lovely chap on the internet and was funny, kind, made her feel special, was charming, goodlooking (she couldn't believe her luck he was interested in her)

He moved in, every thing fine, he was brilliant with dc unlike her exh.

Then she got a call 3 yrs later to say he was a convicted sex offender (child)and record of domestic violence.

So sorry to rain on your parade but the devastation and fall out for my friend, for her dc means that a simple check would have saved wasted years and a lot of pain.

If you think this is a rare occurence, think again.

Original poster
InternationalFlight · 08/05/2009 07:08

Thanks Kidowner. That's good to know (in a way)
He knows I have kids.

Why oh why did I bother subscribing to talk to someone who was just going to bugger off after 48 hours? That makes me quite angry - I can't afford to do this. It makes me feel like I totally wasted that money on a flight of fancy, just through being lonely/selfish and thinking someone actually might like me.

bullshit isn;t it. I'm never doing that again.

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kidowner · 08/05/2009 07:34

Please don't feel badly or feel selfish for thinking someone might actually like you, your self esteem sounds really low. Big hug.

I bet you're a great person and I bet your dc think so. There are great men out there but another dad would understand your situation better, if he's a good one that is!

IDidntRaiseAThief · 08/05/2009 07:42

flight

I would feel the same, but you did what you did in good faith, it's NOWT to do with anhy failing in you.

Your not 'too' trusting or daft or anything. It's happened to me so many times on these online sites, and now every convo I have via message, i just expect it to go tits up anyhow!!!

That attitude is rubbish I know, but those site seem to breed insecurity. Maybe just maybe he has gone off to 'think'.

Anyhow, there are loads more men, new ones joining everyday.

It's natural, to feel let down, when yuor confidence is low. It's hard to convey yourslef on there too, without underselling yourslef, or coming across wrong.

Original poster
InternationalFlight · 08/05/2009 09:06

thanks for being kind

It's been too long now, i think I have run out of hope! just don't believe for a moment that it'll happen...

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solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 08/05/2009 10:25

The thing is, someone who has messaged you a few times on a dating site, or even made arrangements to meet you, or even met you at least once, still doesn;t 'owe' you a relationship, any more than you owe them a relationship, or sex, or even a kiss.Please bear in mind that either party is entitled to stop all contact at any time without any kind of explanation - once you accept that it actually gets easier and more fun.

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