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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

how do you 'announce' to people that you're a........SINGLE PARENT.....

68 replies

livvysmum · 24/04/2005 15:54

have been friendly with some mums in a mums and toddler group i go to on a weekly basis, was getting to know one quite well and felt it was time to let out my secret, that i am indeed a single mum, she seemed a little uncomfortable with it and visibley backed off. it didn't make me feel good. i don't tell everyone that i'm on my own as i feel that 'yummy mummies' tend to have negative ideas about single mums.(please correct me if i'm wrong any ym's out there) i have a beautiful dd and she is developing just fine, we're happy, but i can't help but feel a small pang of shame for my situation. how do other single parents hold thier chin up, should i tell people about my situation or just leave it. i feel awkward when they talk about thier dh's.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Mhamai · 25/04/2005 10:37

ok was only meant to send that once think its time for my tablets

chipmonkey · 25/04/2005 11:14

mhamai, you've got the shakes, were you on the red wine last night?

Janna · 26/04/2005 09:51

If people assume when I'm talking to them that I've got a partner. I put them straight quite cheerfully by saing ' No I'm on my own actually' I get comments which range from oh yo0u are lucky ! to 'how do you do it.. How do you cope you poor poor thing. My mate constantly asks me this and it really gets on my nerves now.

I must admit (and I will probably get slated for this!) when I was in a relationship and happy, with my ex I did have that attitude where I thought 'oh god, not another single mum' and 'poor them' and 'drain on society'. However now i AM one I DONT think like that AT ALL. I didn't want to be a single parent at first I hated it but now I'm quite happy and proud to be one. I look at my friends who are in relationships like the mate mentioned above and they are having problems in thier relationship and I just think I'm past all that now and it's just me and the kids. I don't have much money and I do have my problems as some of you will have read!
Those people who turn thier nose up at single parents have no clue what it's like to be one (I didn't)and they won't until it happens to them one day.
WWW I like your hierarchy of singleparent hood.. so true.

Original poster

livvysmum · 27/04/2005 13:05

hi everyone,

just had a chance to read all your encouraging messages, loved the 'lone ranger ' title MHAMI uses, i'll be using that in future, as in ''hi, i'm a lone ranger, are you?''. i come a C) on WWW quiz.
i've had some really positive feedback and i love it, thanks all of you, wish i had a group of mates like you in RL, seem to of lost contact with every one. any way hope i meet some positive mums, married/single or otherwise, i think thats what matters, motherhood is a universal thing, it's such a shame we have to have it cut up into who's got what and who comes where on the social scale. thanks girls, i really appreciate your support.

OP posts:

Caligula · 27/04/2005 13:16

ROFL at WWW's hierarchy. That's so true. To the extent that I momentarily considered telling everyone that xp was dead, but then realised he might turn up and give the kids psychological problems and the neighbours a turn!

WideWebWitch · 27/04/2005 13:23

ha ha ha Caligula!

WideWebWitch · 27/04/2005 13:24

Visions of you saying 'well, when I said dead, I meant, y'know dead to me...'

ggglimpopo · 27/04/2005 13:26

Message withdrawn

Listmaker · 27/04/2005 13:27

I too loved WWW's hierarchy!! I'm a c) and I'm damned proud of myself! I always tell people as soon as possible too - gets it out the way and they can go 'wow you're so amazing'!!!! I do actually have a bf now but we don't live together so still think of myself as a single parent. We are planning to live together and I'm almost sorry that I'm going to lose my kudos as a single parent!! I like that smell of burning martyr!!

Louise1980 · 27/04/2005 19:48

Im a lone parent and proud.

I have 2 boys to 2 different fathers, try explaining that one to a 'yummy mummy'! It was my decision to be alone parent or I would either be a) be in a both emotionally and physically abusive relationship or b) have some total tosser hanging around me thinking he was doing me a favour because I had his son!

I just tell them out right although it has taken me a long time to accept that they have diff dads and be comfortable enough with that fact to tell people. If they comment I just say "Well I have more respect for myself than people who stay together for the kids", "If I want my kids to see people beaten up I will let them watch Rocky films!" something along those lines usually shuts them up!

If they mantion Daddies in front of the kids they jusy say "Daddies? Yuck Ive got a mammy not a daddy" Any1 who then argues with a child is not worth being friends with, and if they do the littlest says "Daddies smell!"

Louise1980 · 27/04/2005 19:49

Oh and when they say things like "i have to ask him" or "he did this", "he did that" etc I just grin and say "Oh the joys of being alone!" Will P them off big style!!!

PaigeMorgan · 28/04/2005 13:40

im a d on www scale.

and imk proud of it. i have a lovely dd, altho were definatly in toddlerdom now. and
im chuffed that im doing all the work. despite my exs best attempts at sabbotage.

long story

i just say. im on my own. and usually i get a "shes lovely u should be so proud" and "oh she looks just like u and she acts it"

ignore that 1 snooty mum. ull do fine.

Janna · 28/04/2005 21:09

I got talking today with one of these 'yummy mummy' types (fantastic phrase, who thought that one up). The subject came up about dh/dp and I told her about being on my own. It registered, there was an awkward silence and thebn she came out with 'well I might as well be a single parent with all the hours dp puts in. I feel so on my own too. I looked at her with her, with her designer tracksuit, perfect hair, teeth, make up etc, she has 3 foreign hols a year and a new kitchen, and Ithought you have no idea whatsoever what it's like. Stupid woman
Bit hormonal . Just tried to finish painting my bedroom, run out of paint, half finished ds wonders in, gets paint (somehow) over his school trousers and in his hair.so pissed off now

rickman · 28/04/2005 21:34

Message withdrawn

Caligula · 28/04/2005 21:36

rickman snap! I can see people sometimes looking at my DD (who is dark-haired) and DS (ginger) and wondering...

rickman · 28/04/2005 21:37

Message withdrawn

QueenEagle · 28/04/2005 21:50

I was a single parent to 3 under 4's for 5 years and often saw the flicker of sympathy/horror in people's eyes when they realised they'd been talking to a leper of society. I loved watching that same flicker turn to absolute amazement when I then went on to say that I fostered 2 extra at the same time. Oh, then I was a "wonderful, marvelous, super person; so patient and dedicated, what a super job you do."

So why is it a "super job" when it involves looking after someone elses childern, but not when it's your own?

karenanne · 30/04/2005 08:42

i just so hate it how us single mums seem to be stereotyped together.ive been on my own with the kids for nine months now and yes they have been hard but now im starting to enjoy it.lol.im lucky in the fact my family has been a godsend and my ex sees my kids very regularly .
before we split it had the upmost respect for single parents ,i often wondered how they coped on their own,thinking i would never be able to ...now on the other side i laugh and realise we cope because we have to and sometimes its fun too,also the fact you make all the decisions is a good one too.
at first i felt ashamed ina way for being a single mum but now realise its an honour to be bringing my kids up on my own.that the way they are is down to me especially with my ds who was only a baby when we split.being a single parent has made me more confident,independent and a stronger person,who now doesnt really care what other people think .

if anyone looks down on me for doing this alone theyve obviously got their own insecurities.i say these people should walk a day in my shoes and then see how they feel.

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