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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

benefit changes??????????

225 replies

mummylou85 · 06/03/2009 23:09

Just wondering if anyone else is worried about changes in income support. I think by 2010 the age will be brought down to 7 if not found job benefits be stopped then if not found job it's job seekers? what do you all think of these changes. i'm happy towork but I have no family to look after my daughter? so in sept i'm goingback to finish my course in child care but what if I don't get job out of there. my daughter only 3 now but it's hard out there to get jobs these days especially to fit around children.

I know on job seekers you have to go on many courses, what if these are not child friendly but you have to go you get no money.

staying on benefits is not long term thing for me, I have worked payed taxes in past. but is anyone worried about future, in past didnt matter on what job i did and hours but now fitting it around my daughter. I really scared about job seekers are they child friendly. I stress about everything i'm sorry, but I think these changes take away your rights on how to parent I really think these changes in benefits wont work and i'm worried. i am stresser though x

OP posts:

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FAQinglovely · 07/03/2009 17:39

yes - because we've been "dating" again for the last month and a half. He still lives on his own and deals with his own finances , housework, and has his rules for when he has the DS's . I still live on my own and do my own thing here - he still only has the DS's to stay at his for weekends once a fortnight.

When we have on occasion been over to each others houses in the last 1 1/2 months it's been very much as if we were girlfriend/boyfriend. He doesn't inteferre with my childcare/housework - I don't interferre with his (although when I've popped round to his with the DS's they've clammered round me, and when he's been here they've clammered round him. But we respect each others way of doing things and always ask if we (or they if it's the DS's) can do x,y,z.

I make no decisions in his home, he makes none in mine (and I'd bloody kill him if he did )

GypsyMoth · 07/03/2009 17:43

Lolthink I remember from another thread now!

FAQinglovely · 07/03/2009 17:45

yes I'm in an odd position right now and it is difficult explaining to people.

Oh and he got his "D" back after he rescued me from my dress after the zip had got well and truly stuck after a dinner date.......he'd just walked all the way home when I rang and said "help" and he walked back and helped - I was mortified, I'd put my sexy undies on (as you do when you're wearing a nice dress - but with no intentions of him seeing them) then we had to force the blardy thing over my head with the zip still stuck firmly (and yes - seeing them was as far as he got lol)

conniedescending · 07/03/2009 17:46

I welcome the changes. I dont think it's at all healthy for people to be at home, living on benefits for the duration of a child's life. Not healthy for them and a poor example for the child.

GypsyMoth · 07/03/2009 17:48

Not healthy same as fruitshoots aren't!

HelpwithNameNeeded · 07/03/2009 17:48

But its not going to make any difference is it Connie? The money is the same and little effort is made to ensure active job seeking.

Seems like a waste of time IMO.

FAQinglovely · 07/03/2009 17:49

anyhow - I think we may have to agree to disagree on the 7yr age thing for being expected to look for work (think it's one of those things you either agree with it or you don't - you know like the religion, abortion, bf/ff, sahm/wohm............oh this is one of those sort of isn't it).

And I have a "date" at home tonight - I've got a roast chicken in the oven and Magners in the fridge...........and a house that looks like a bomb has hit it (good job he doesn't mention my lack of housework these days as it's none of his business ).

FAQinglovely · 07/03/2009 17:49

.........my DS's love fruitshoots

conniedescending · 07/03/2009 17:51

oh no, I totally agree helpneeded....but it's a crude step in the right direction at least.
A kind of 'expectation' that being single and having children does not give you a free pass in life.

FAQinglovely · 07/03/2009 17:53

but connie - the majority of single parents didn't plan on becoming single parents.

conniedescending · 07/03/2009 17:54

long term unemployment isn't healthy for you..........far more detrimental than fruit shoots.

FAQinglovely · 07/03/2009 17:55

so should all sahm's who are married and are at home while their children at school also go out to work then??

conniedescending · 07/03/2009 17:56

not sure whether single parenthood was planned or not has any bearing on whether you should work when youngest is 7?

FAQinglovely · 07/03/2009 17:58

well that depends on whether you think that a SAHM in a couple is also being "unhealthy" by not working until their children are much older or not........

Lulumama · 07/03/2009 17:59

from this thread, i get the disticnt impression that the lone parents would love to get back to work, but with the issues of childcare, it is a pretty much impossible task.

conniedescending · 07/03/2009 18:00

well personally I believe they should for their own welfare but of course if you are priviledged to be in that position then its a matter of personal choice.

but most sahm do venture back into the workplace out of necessity as I am doing shortly. Thing is when you are responsible for a house and food and bills, working becomes more of a necessity than a choice - there's that big push as well.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 07/03/2009 18:00

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RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 07/03/2009 18:01

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conniedescending · 07/03/2009 18:02

yes childcare is a huge issue Lulumama - not an issue that solely affects single parents though. My point is when you have a mortgage to pay and food to provide you perhpas have a little more motivation to fnd an option that works.

FAQinglovely · 07/03/2009 18:03

well actually Reality I think I may have to agree with Connie on that one. A large number of parents who had planned to be long term SAHP's do end up venturing back into work out of nessecity. Certainly I had to when DH and I were together and most of my friends in couples are also in the same situation.

Happened to my mum too - she had to go out to work when I was about 10 as finances dictated that she had to.

conniedescending · 07/03/2009 18:03

well I do think that most sahms return to work in some capacity - and way before the youngest is 7

Lulumama · 07/03/2009 18:06

yes, but for some the options aren't there

no family

no friends who can help

no childminders or ones with multiple vacancies

no place at before and /or after school club

no holiday clubs or no places

it can be so incredibly demotivating to want to work, but no be able to find childcare.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 07/03/2009 18:08

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conniedescending · 07/03/2009 18:08

well I could tick all those boxes lulumama

Lulumama · 07/03/2009 18:09

I have a friend whose H left 18 months ago, they have 3 DC,the oldest has SN , she is also sole carer for her fatehr who is old and v v unwell, with multiple hospital admissions.

what are her options for work?

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