Ooh, can I join in?
I'm not actively looking for anyone right now. I think it would be nice to meet someone who is really special and have a wonderful relationship that's right in every way, but I don't want it enough actually go out there and make it happen.
I've seen enough friends go through the dating game to realise that you sometimes have to meet many, many people before finding the right one. Frankly, I can't be bothered and I don't want my children growing up seeing me trying to establish my own identity through finding another man.
I wouldn't say that what I'm looking for in a man has changed because I'm a single parent. However, and this is important for me, it's only since I've become a single parent that I've developed the self awareness to actually recognise what I want in a man. I never really questioned it before - was just looking for some sort of connection and someone I could have a laugh with. Now I'm a lot more picky. I'm concerned about things like values, morality, self-responsibility. Not too concerned about looks or physical attraction. I've had 2 long-term relationships as an adult. The first was based on an intellectual connection, the second on a sexual connection. Though both relationships failed, I've learned that an intellectual and emotional connection can carry you far further than sex, however heady it seems in those early days. It sounds corny, but if I have another relationship I would like him to be my best friend as well as my lover.
Sometimes I think meeting a single dad would be the ideal as another parent can really understand why life has to be about the kids' needs in a way that a non-parent usually can't. I thought I was great with kids and really got parenthood (I fostered too), but nothing compared me for the strength of emotions I feel about my two now I've had them. That said, if I met a guy who was right for me in every way, I wouldn't dismiss him just because he didn't have kids. There's also the problem with meeting up if you're both single parents. Once you've been going out a while, you can meet up and stay over each other's houses, kids included. Before it reaches that point though, it would take a monumental amount of effort to arrange babysitters.
My life is very well balanced between kids & home life, me time, friendships, family and work at the moment. I'd be reluctant to upset that balance, though I've no excuse as my friends tell me they'll all babysit if I find "a nice man". My trouble is that I don't go anywhere to find them. Though I have a rich life and do some interesting things I've met everyone I'm likely to meet. Joining an evening class isn't really an option for me as my life is full enough already. Although I've done it in the past, picking up a guy in a pub isn't for me. I don't want someone who only knows how to let their hair down by getting drunk. Not that I'm against drinking (far from it ), but it's really boring if all you can do when you get some free time is get drunk. That leaves dating agencies, which are actually a very sensible idea in terms of screening potential partnes, but as I say, can't be bothered to go to that sort of effort.
Looks like I'm going to be single for quite some time...