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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Maintenance question

34 replies

Peckarolloveragain · 09/01/2009 13:12

I have a 9 year old. I get £35 a week from her dad.

Anyone know what the csa rate would be?

he is on 25k, has no other kids and sees him once or twice at weekends

He is witholding maintenance so think i might have to go down this route.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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MadameCastafiore · 09/01/2009 13:15

I think it would be more than £35 a week - it is pegged at £20% of their earnings minus a percentage according to how many overnight stays they have.

Original poster

Peckarolloveragain · 09/01/2009 13:27

And what is maintenance actually for, officially.

He is saying that his contribution should all go on clothes and things specifically for her and not as a contribution to the house because i would have had a house whether or not we had a child together???

OP posts:

SameAsYou · 09/01/2009 13:28

I was told 25k a year is £55 a week

FAQtothefuture · 09/01/2009 13:30

calculator here will give you a pretty good idea.

PurpleOne · 09/01/2009 13:41

Wish I hadn't looked at that calculator

scorpio1 · 09/01/2009 13:44

its 15% of his income.

it is towards ALL costs of your ds; clothes, food, school, water, gas , electric...everything really.

scorpio1 · 09/01/2009 13:44

you ok purple?

Lauriefairycake · 09/01/2009 13:45

ignore what he says - what you spend it on is your affair. His argument doesn't hold water - most parents have the heating on much more with children around than they would themselves.

Don't argue or discuss with him as he's just trying to control what you spend your money on. Just go through the CSA.

N1 · 09/01/2009 19:00

When you add more money into something that's working without seeing if you can agree, there is often a reaction that hurts.

Is the father seeing the child and is the relationship between you and your ex working as things are at the moment?

FAQtothefuture · 09/01/2009 19:01

N1 - the OP states quite clearly

"He is witholding maintenance"

N1 · 09/01/2009 19:22

Well observed.

The opening line says the OP gets £35 a week. Perhaps we need clarity.

Any chance of the OP knowing a reason about why the maintenance is being with held.

Original poster

Peckarolloveragain · 10/01/2009 08:59

I dont really get the last few messages, it must be too early!

I get £35 a month paid monthly.

I am still waiting for Decembers money and his response that he isnt giving it to me because doesnt think that enough of it goes directly to DD so is going to keep it and spend it on clothes and things for her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Peckarolloveragain · 10/01/2009 08:59

35 a week paid monthly that should say

OP posts:

AnarchyAunt · 10/01/2009 09:06

He is being a twat.

It is money to maintain the child, yes, but that includes general household expenses such as bills, food, etc etc. None of his business how you choose to organise your finances.

He is trying to control you through the money and that is Not On. I'd say go to CSA and let them make him pay up.

missingtheaction · 10/01/2009 09:19

His take home pay should be about £1580 per month; on behalf of your dd you are entitled to 15% of that which is £217.15 per month.

Maybe a letter to him pointing this out and referring to CSA? or straight to CSA?

It is NOT his choice how much maintenance he pays you.

N1 · 10/01/2009 13:55

If you make the bloke pay £200 odd a month and he turns nasty to the mother and child but insists on seeing the child. How long will it take till the mother and child feel that the money with the hassle just isn't worth it....then then the mother tries to get rid of the CSA, just to get rid of the hassle, and finds that she can't get the CSA to leave everyone alone....what then?

If that father purchases cloths, then the mother doesn't need to buy cloths because the Dad is getting them.

The Dad, by purchasing clothing feels that the money is being used on the child....everyone is happy.

Add the CSA into the equation and there is a good chance that everyone won't be happy.

FAQtothefuture · 10/01/2009 13:59

so - my exH buys the DS's clothes occasionaly (new trainers and socks from Tesco last time he had them) - both needed, but he doesn't buy most of the stuff they need. And I would be very surprised if the OP's exH is buying all of the clothes that the child needs (in fact I'd put money on him buying stuff that isn't needed anyhow). And I bet he's not spending £200 a month on them either (or £35 that he's now withholding etiher).

AnarchyAunt · 10/01/2009 17:46

The dad does not have day to day care of the child in question and has no idea of where money can be spent to best fulfil her needs.

It might be that one month she doesn't need clothes, but there is an electricity bill to be paid. Still benefitting the child.

He has no right to a say in how the maintainance money is spent. So long as the child is fed, clothed, and not neglected it is none of his business.

This is about control to him, not money.

PurpleOne · 10/01/2009 18:38

You know, I mentioned this very issue to my social worker last week. About the lack of maintenance (he does pay, but is self employed and has lied to CSA) and that he is ripping us off.

The Sw's response was 'well, would you be paying money to an alcoholic to piss up the wall?'

He pays £16 a week for 2 DD's, age 13 and 10. When I looked at the calculator on that website, I averaged out his earnings (London cabbie) and he should be paying at least £130 a week. No other dependants only his wife.
All the while the ex and wife are sunning themselves up in Sharm-El-Sheik right this very moment. They only got back from the Maldives 5 months ago. 3 cars between them! Oh, I could go on.

It's just wrong isn't it?

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 10/01/2009 18:55

Sometimes the money needed to care for the child goes on boring stuff like bills because that is what's needed to care for the child, whether or not the ex agrees with the decision. It his not his choice to make

FWIW if he is witholding payment now I would start proceedings with CSA it takes them ages to get anything done ( 1yr in my sisters case) and who's to say he's going to pay anything in that time.

He should not be ble to hold you over a barrel which atm he is doing, How can you plan your finances if you do not know how much he sees fit to give you each month?

Tinkerbel6 · 11/01/2009 10:13

PurpleOne wouldnt you be better off going to the CSA ?, and I must say your SW sounds really patronising, is she the one who is telling you what time your eldest should go to bed in the holidays ?

PurpleOne · 11/01/2009 13:11

Tinkerbel6 - we ARE with the CSA!!! I even asked the ex if he could write me a cheque for £16 a month, to round it up to the £80 a month I'm allowed to keep. Nah, he says he cannot afford to.

Yeah, it's the same SW too. Telling me she 'hates my clothes' and I can't 'smoke in the house anymore'.

GrapeJelly · 11/01/2009 14:28

Purple One, you should note down these things your SW is saying and report her to her bosses. She's seriously out of order.

snoopyatemyblanky · 11/01/2009 15:05

Just an idea: could your ex give you vouchers for Tesco or ASDA to shop with? Could he pay your weekly shop if you order online so he can see what you buy but who gives a heck if your trolley's full of tatties, beans and such like. Your dc is surely allowed/entitled to eat!!

Or could he enrol your dc in a class (sports, arts, music, etc) and pay for it? It's not likely you'll be the one taking banjo lessons is it?

AnarchyAunt · 11/01/2009 20:12

snoopy - why the hell should her ex be allowed to dictate how her family finances ae organised?

The decision about where the money can be best spent is not his.

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