Please help . . . my relationship is over.

[Libb]

I have struggled with my relationship with my partner for a while now but I think it has finally died a death. He doesn't know if he loves me anymore but he adores our 10 month old son. However I don't think I can carry on being messed around just because he doesn't know what he wants.

However, I just don't where to start. Obviously I will be going to the Citizen's Advice Bureau but does anyone know how long it takes to apply for housing etc.? Please can those of you that have been through this share your experiences as I feel all over the place . . .

Sorry, I realise that I have been clumsy with my words but I need all the advice I can get.

Many thanks,

Libb

And mine libb! People here care about you, please log on soon and just say I'm ok (ish).xxx

Hello, sorry I have been away for a couple of days with my parents. They are lovely but I actually feel more relaxed being back here with an ex partner skulking around! At least he isn't fussing over every little thing. He is also entertaining DS so I get a breather. It is all I can do to talk him but he is great with DS.

I got your e-mails. Thank you, you are both really sweet and I will reply as soon as possible. I promise.

I am really appreciating the advice here and it is all going on board - I have an appointment with the housing bods next week and I contacted the Inland Revenue about my change in circumstance. Not much they can do though until the split is definite though, so I am rather puzzled by the new calculation they have sent. It is still includes ex?. Maybe they will readjust it at the time I move.

Thank you for all the support, it is really great.

Glad to hear from you Libb. Look after yourself, please keep in contact. xxxx

I am struggling to keep my equilibrium going at the moment. I hope DS and I move soon as I may end up belting ex round the head, I know he is sorry - but does he have to keep on about it? It doesn't make things feel better.

Plus I have spent 3 hardcore days caring for a suddenly mobile DS (he has learnt to crawl and demands a "on feet and waddle time" for when he isn't heading for all the dangerous stuff this weekend). Ex is currently getting grumpy after just a few hours of it which just makes me want to shout "POOR OLD YOU!, you effing shite. Walk a mile in my shoes from now on". Any advice on how to combat bitterness would be nice.

On the other hand he has kindly recorded Doctor Who for me so I could prepare the bottles without missing anything. His heart is in the right place? and apparently he does still care about me.

Sigh. Sorry, I decided to get a new haircut today (always makes me depressed because I never end up looking like some gorgeous strumpet that no man can turn down) and I have had a glass of wine or two. I promise not rant anymore.

Honest.

Oh Libb I am sorry. I am also coping with a "wanting to be mobile but not quit capable of standing by himself" ds so I do know how trying it is. And that's with dh and dd to help amuse him.
I think you need to stop taking so much responsibility for ds - he is your exp's as well, and you say he still loves him, so make him look after him - whether he gets grumpy or not - it's not your fault. And presumably once you have moved out he will have ds by himself at times so will have to cope. I know it is difficult, but you have to seperate his abilities and actions as a partner (pretty crap) from his abilities and actions as a father (fairly good)

So sorry Libb. No advice but adding my love and thoughts to this thread for you. xxx

Thank you Prufrock, you are very right. It is too easy to assume he is going to be bad at both, but he doesn't have that well needed patience as much I do. Not that that makes him nasty Dad, just mardy Dad - and in my current "zero tolerance" mood it won't do.

(However, my so called patience might explain my inability to club him about the head as deserved).

Is he being mardy with you though, or with ds?

Indifferent with me and just slightly confused by the new moblie version of DS - I have just told him that he can't just plonk DS down now, he likes to go places so you have to watch him. I think he is a peeved because DS took his first steps this weekend and he wasn't there. There isn't much I can do about that sort of thing though, this isn't going be easy for any of us.

I don't doubt his love and care for Reuben for a minute though.

Libb, . I am thinking of you. DS is deciding he would like my company now so can't stop, but really if you do need to get away you can come here. I'd certainly like to get to know you better!! Love and hugs, look after you and reuben. xxxxx

Hi Libb, hope you are ok today. Well done your ds on his first steps!

Hi Libb, hope you got my email, been thinking of you and how awful the whole splitting up, feeling confused/bitter sharing a child business is. Feel free to CAT me if you just want to RANT! and i too will have a good moo! lucy x.

The git has just told me that he is buggering off to Glastonbury this year. He also said to me "I hope you don't expect me to have DS every weekend"

I thinkI I am now going through my angry phase . . .

i think i would tell him to get a job and sharpish - i do not see why you should do without maintenance so he can go through some hippy midlife crisis. - if he wants to go to glastonbury - it should be secondary to the needs of your son.

Libb

sorry to hear DP is being so unhelpful. did you manage to get to the CAB last week?