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Original poster

Please help . . . my relationship is over.

67 replies

Libb · 17/03/2005 08:32

I have struggled with my relationship with my partner for a while now but I think it has finally died a death. He doesn't know if he loves me anymore but he adores our 10 month old son. However I don't think I can carry on being messed around just because he doesn't know what he wants.

However, I just don't where to start. Obviously I will be going to the Citizen's Advice Bureau but does anyone know how long it takes to apply for housing etc.? Please can those of you that have been through this share your experiences as I feel all over the place . . .

Sorry, I realise that I have been clumsy with my words but I need all the advice I can get.

Many thanks,

Libb

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 21/03/2005 16:24

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fairyfly · 21/03/2005 16:31

It is true libb he will, on a positive note a little change sets them up for the big jump to school. So it is not enough reason to stay. You just come to the best decision to make you happy that is the most important thing.
Glad you got out last night

Original poster
Libb · 21/03/2005 17:59

Thanks FF, I don't know what to do. I feel like screaming and doing something stupid but my logical head says no . . . I need to look after Reuben. I am finding the smallest things painful, all I can think about is how I announced my pregnancy here, his birth and all his little steps. His brand new car seat is sitting upstairs unused and his dad just keeps telling me that it is better now than later, in what way? If I can't get a flat then I have to return to bloody rural Norfolk. And I won't be able to claim benefits because I gave up my job! F*k fk f*k!

ExDP has just asked me not to get narky tonight . . .

OP posts:
Original poster
Libb · 21/03/2005 18:00

I should go and do some primal screaming in Wales, sadly I don't know the girl whose Mum did it anymore . . .

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fairyfly · 21/03/2005 18:08

You wont believe it now but it will all get sorted, all the practicalities work themselves out, it is just a shit journey. I think the first thing you have to do is decide where you want to be, Reuben will be ok, he just needs love.

sistermoon · 21/03/2005 18:35

ties in the area and your son an dhis fatehr also stability of child minder. You could if you wished claim emotional abuse as teh reason you can no longer stay in the house this would be counted as a legitimate reason for being homeless

Original poster
Libb · 21/03/2005 18:50

Lots of fantastic advice here. Thank you.

Reuben is very much loved, by both of us - that makes it harder by itself!

I will keep you posted xxx

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egypt · 21/03/2005 21:08

just caught up with this libb. so sorry, don't know what to say except here for you if you want to chat, cat me, msn, etc. (((((((((((((((huge hugs))))))))))))

Caribbeanqueen · 21/03/2005 21:13

Hi Libb,

I don;t have any expert advice re housing (or anything else for that matter) but if you need somewhere to stay for a bit we have a spare room. I won't be around for much of April, but apart from that it's available to you if you want. Afraid I don't know when you will need somewher.

GeorginaA · 21/03/2005 21:13

Libb - no advice, but just wanted to add my love to the thread. I really hope everything gets sorted out easily.

Thinking of you.

xxx

spots · 21/03/2005 21:40

Libb, I was so hoping this wasn't you. It is. hell. I can understand wanting to stay near the good childminder... someone who offers fantastic support to your child offers fantastic support for you by proxy. This getting set up by yourselves bit is the thing you have to sort out first and then you can fine tune it afterwards. I want to stay in touch if you're not mumsnetting, how can I do that? CAT me if you can. For now dh is wanting on the computer so I have to go but will be checking in here and hoping you find your stomach is made of strong stuff during this time (I suspect it is from knowing you on here but any more support we can offer, just do come and get it. XXXXX)

Original poster
Libb · 22/03/2005 12:02

I need kicking up the bum, any takers? I can't seem to get my head around taking proper action - I will see CAB tomorrow but right now I just want to wander around the house and daydream about the plans we had. What a stupid moo I am!

Right, what should I do? I need something that will push me and galvanise me into taking action. Any ideas? For once I am completely stumped.

OP posts:
hewlettsdaughter · 22/03/2005 12:10

libb, sorry you are going through this. have you made a list of what you want to ask CAB tomorrow? is there anyone you can take with you for support?

Original poster
Libb · 22/03/2005 12:18

My friend offered but her days off are few are far between so I don't want to drag her through all that, besides I am not sure of what I should be asking? my only question seems to be "what do I do now?"

Anyway, afterwards we intend to go out and have a merry lunch and discuss why boys smell so much. Although I can't get too merry for obivious reasons, it will still be a breather.

I have spent most the morning wondering if I could afford to spend £500 on a computer for when I move, being without Mumsnet is like being without oxygen. I would have to convince my Dad though and might prove interesting!

My brain clearly works in stupid and reckless ways.

OP posts:
hewlettsdaughter · 22/03/2005 12:21

Well, if you're not sure what to ask, then just make sure you take pen and paper so you can write down what advice they do offer you.
Do you get internet access at work? Does your local library offer access?

hewlettsdaughter · 22/03/2005 12:27

the merry lunch sounds a fine idea, btw

cat82 · 22/03/2005 12:42

Hi Libb, I can come with you to the CAB if you need me to as well.
Although obviously i'll bugger off afterwards and you can have your merry lunch in peace- i can't join in with your "why boys smell" conversation as i have a girl (who also pongs occasionaly)
If you don't need me to come then please let me know how it goes.
Lots and lots of love babe.

xxxx

Bozza · 22/03/2005 12:45

Libb - another one of the May 04 bunch dropping in to say how sorry I am too. Would be sad to see you leave mumsnet too. Hope the advice you get hear helps - I only know what I have read on other threads here.

Papillon · 22/03/2005 16:53

Just wanted to say I am thinking of you Libb X

MissingMyBoy · 23/03/2005 23:12

Hi Libb,

Sorry to hear about your situation, I am in a similar one myself, but am the male in the relationship. My advice from bitter experience is avoid sols and lawyers at all costs, whatever they tell you they are just in it for the money. They have made a relatively straightforward split for me and ex wife a total living nightmare £6k worth of legal fees and 6 court appearances and nothing resolved really.

Unfortuneatley, if you are working do not hold out for CSA, my ex is on bens so CSA opened a case in November - I am still awaiting a call from them even though I phoned to be assessed myself - I pay 15% net earnings voluntarily - that is the maximum they can take. They will back date it, but that may cause more agro. If you are on speaking terms with your ex please try and keep it that way. As soon as sols got involved on my ex wifes side all communication stopped and we were polarised completely.

I know this is a naive suggestion, but can you both not share the house that you lived in - I don't see any posting relating to domestic violence etc and maybe the cheapest and best alternative in the short-term.

Your ds should remain the highest priority in this and if you can behave civily towards each other (i know its difficult, my ex and I couldn't and she walked out to security of her parents). It sounds like ex is a decent dad and if you can both keep calm and talk finances etc over, I can guarantee you will save a lot more heartache than if you go to a sol.

Hope this helps

feelingold · 24/03/2005 09:56

Libb
You MUST go to the CAB and get some advice from them. They also have a solicitor who you can make an appointment to see. You may be entitled to stay in the house, i do not know but you must go and find out BEFORE you make any drastic decisions. When my marriage ended my husband told me what I was entitled to and he was totally wrong, because I was the one that our dd was going to be with i was entitled to loads more when we sold our house. Do not do anything without getting proper advice.

hewlettsdaughter · 24/03/2005 12:22

libb how are you?

Beetroot · 24/03/2005 12:31

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cat82 · 25/03/2005 09:02

Hope you're okay Libb, thinking of you xxxxx

Beetroot · 25/03/2005 20:07

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