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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Anyone hate their ex p with a vengance?

41 replies

taken4granted · 03/10/2008 20:26

I hate my ex p totally - he is the bggest piece of shite possible Doesnt give a shite about seeing his daughter will only do it if and when he can be arsed - he ofrced us to move 400 miles away put my dd through hell and back (not to metion me) I try and be nice about him but its extremely difficult I jjust wish you could google hitman and get someone to do the deed - life would be soooooooooo much better..........

OP posts:

silverwater · 03/10/2008 23:02

when you're going through a lot of pain it is really hard to cope with. I went through such difficult feelings but it's not always easy to be understood because people do't want to hear it. Who do you speak to about it?

Liffey · 04/10/2008 20:39

I don't know if I hate him, but I find a lot of things are to accept. And sometimes I don't know whether I'm being vengeful or trying to manipulate justice if that makes sense.

MascaraOHara · 04/10/2008 20:42

I don't hate him. I dodn't feel anythign towards him. I do however wish he was dead, would make life a whole lot easier.

I take pleasure in knowing he will never be happy.. bitterness and anger is eating him from the inside out.

ElenorRigby · 04/10/2008 20:42

Why were you with your ex p?

lunavix · 04/10/2008 20:43

Seconded MOH.

Liffey · 04/10/2008 20:58

How long has it been since the split?

Elasticwoman · 04/10/2008 21:49

I wonder how he forced you to move 400 miles, Taken4granted. But now you're not with him, surely you can live where you like?

Just be glad you don't have to live with him. He cannot have the same control over you now.

Liffey · 05/10/2008 08:55

Well, if you have a child and cant'earn enough to pay childcare, rent, bills, council tax, food, clothes etc, then maybe she had to go back to her parents....

If he's not overly bothered about your dd then that's sad but if he sees her occcassionally it'll be better for her, and you can build your own new life without him controlling everything.

Original poster

taken4granted · 05/10/2008 12:31

Liffey - thats exactly the bloody case - I lived in a beautifull house in a lovely area my daughter was at a great school and I worked part time term time only school hrs - the best job ever - however when shitehead decided to walk out on us both (daughter is 7) after a 6 yr affair of which we knew nothing about I was a bit in stuck could not afford a £1000 per month mortgage - no before/after school care in area - or childmiders doing her age and no holiday clubs haf terms x mas and easter - grated there was a summer holiday club for which I paid £330 for 2 weeks in the summer so I could help out at work and they paid me for it I did the mediation thing which was useless as he agreed to stuff at the last minute and then since the move has gone from everything promised nothing with regards to maintenance in writing as yet legally I could go on and on - I moved to be near y mum and dad so I have a full time job (in a school so I at least still get the hols) and she does a free pick up and drop off whilst I work to pay my rent food etc etc etc.

Ex p is the biggest shit ever a crap dad well hes not a dad hes her father and thats it - as far as I see a father would actually want to spend time with his daughter - (hes seen her 1 in the last 3 months and then couldnt wait to rush back down south to be with his whore. There how does that sum up for the way I feel! Taken4granted should be known as bitterand twisted i think! Sorry to go on just very cheesed off

OP posts:

piratecat · 05/10/2008 12:33

i someimes feel like i want to google hitman too.

Chandra · 05/10/2008 12:38

I know this is not what you would like to hear, but if you don't do something about it you would be the main victim of that hate.

I understand you are annoyed, and perhaps he has just annoyed you further, but once that you feel calmer try to work out how your life is better now he is not there. I know it will be difficult, I have been there myself, but apart of your DD you have another person to protect from being hurt even more, and that is you.

Original poster

taken4granted · 05/10/2008 12:39

wouldnt it be good if it was that easy - solve a lot of problems - the other thing is why when the exs promise thier kids all sorts then change their minds do we have to deal with the fall out? hes very good at that changing the goalposts and leaving me to dish the bad news and deal with the hurt - wanker! only decent thing he did was father my daughter

OP posts:

avenanap · 05/10/2008 12:41

I don't hate mine. I feel sorry for him that he is missing out on so much of our lovely son's life. He's missed his first day at school, him riding a bike without stabelisers, almost everything. In years to come he'll regret this so I find it so sad. I'm pleased he's found someone he can love.

heartmummy · 05/10/2008 12:42

i really hate my exp with a passion, he walked out on me when 6mths pg with dd oh and wanted a termination when i found out she would be born with sn (he couldnt have fathered a child like that!!!!) as he said,
but we have got our own back, we are really happy got a great family my dd is my whole life and he has no one a very sad lonely man (what goes around comes around)

NotDoingTheHousework · 05/10/2008 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Chandra · 05/10/2008 12:47

OF course it's not easy, but then, NOTHING that is worth something is ever easy.

I'm sure that I will be burst in flames for this but when ExH and I separated and in the subsequent months when dealing with the separation of assets, I have felt like I could kill him with my own hands, however, at some point I realised that the worst outcome of all this mess was not for me to come empty handed of all this situation but to get myself so hurt I could never trust again.

It's working great, I assure you, and my son has seen the benefits of it. Whether we like it or not, children realise when their mother is having a bad time. Keeping my feelings under control has helped me to maintain and improve my relationship with DS.

Original poster

taken4granted · 05/10/2008 15:11

I have a great relationship with my daughter - always have had as I was always the main carer 24/7 he did jack even when he was around if Im honest apart from criticize me and put me down and dd so we are better off we are at the splitting of assets stage and what was agreed has all been unagreed with the bloody credit crunch cant sell the house so I have to face facts that not only did I have to leave my life friends great school etc and lovely house - the whore he left us for gets it all as hes moving in my house with her and whats worse I get to pay for that prividge!! wheres the justice in that ????????????????????

OP posts:

mykidsdeservebetter · 05/10/2008 17:13

hi this is the first time ive posted anything on here but i totally understand what ur going through i split p with my ex when i was 9 weeks pregnant with my little boy then we got back together after he was born then we split up again then got back together then split up again this time i was pregnant with my daughter then we got back together then we split up AGAIN!! i just ended up not feeling anything for him he now sees the kids once a month or when he can be bothered an he pays nothing towards spporting them. the csa wont help as he lives with his mum and is on sickness benefit yet he still has plenty of money to go out every weeken an get so drunk im sure he doesnt remember he even has kids. i dont hate him though because in order to hate someone you have to have feelings for them he just annoys the hell out of me

Liffey · 05/10/2008 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Toothache · 05/10/2008 20:01

My ex has just given up a perfectly good management job to work cash in hand for his pal.... to avoid maintenance for his 2 kids. He took great pleasure in texting me today to say he couldn't afford to collect the kids for his usual Sunday visit as he was now unemployed. And added "oh and speak to the CSA as you owe £1500 in overpayments"!!!!!!

WTF?
SO I agree.... I HATE him.

Liffey · 05/10/2008 20:11

Oh,my.God. Toothache. This is why even though the injustice of my x paying nothing towards the children burns me, in some ways I feel I'm better off not getting used to maintenance, because this seems to be what happens. You get it for a while and then it stops.

SURELY the CSA won't take money from you?? I sincerely hope that they will not. I hope that it doesn't work like that.

I thought I was bitter that my x spent 40k on a car when we left, and gives his children nothing, but the meanness and the cunning of your x ..wow. I'm speechless.

Chandra · 05/10/2008 20:18

"I have a great relationship with my daughter - always have had as I was always the main carer 24/7 he did jack even when he was around if Im honest apart from criticize me and put me down and dd so we are better off "

That's the spirit Taken4granted, keep that in your mind. You are better off without him.

Chandra · 05/10/2008 20:31

Liffey, I'm sorry you had gone through that missery, it is rather shocking how bad things can get.

In the topic of forgiveness... I find it interesting that you mention " I don't want this to shape my life. I don't want to be a victim for ever, just becasue for a period of about three years I was subject to domestic abuse at hte hands of a controlling angry bully. "

I think that's definitively a good way to start the process of forgiveness. In the middle of this mess, and some others with my family after I announced we were spliting, all the things that he, his mother, his family and even my own, had done came repeatedly to my mind hurting me a lot. Somebody told me at the time "Don't be a victim, it disempowers you".

That phrase was the most helpful advice I have received in my life. By refusing to be one, I became finally able to go through the crisis, it just gave me the power to change things or pass through them. Further to it, I think that I have managed also to disengage myself from some very painful parts of my past that are not even related to my marriage.

Janos · 05/10/2008 20:36

I don't hate mine, I just don't really care about him or like him very much. Sometimes he does make me angry.

He is (generally) a good Dad so it is easy to ignore his 'bad side' tbh.

When you read some of the stories on here I can't blame people for feeling angry and pissed off though. Not judging at all, sometimes you just need to rant.

WheresMyWaistGone · 05/10/2008 21:14

Hi ladies

I'm in much the same situation as taken4granted and have many of the same feelings.

I discovered he had been unfaithful to me on the first day of our last holiday as a couple, when I was 7 months pregnant, with a girl 10 years younger than us. And he was simultaneously 'in love' with someone else again. I found all this on Facebook...and he had written things like he had married the wrong person. He refused to sever contact with either woman and carried on with the same conversations with them, even after our son had been born. And then, when the baby was 2 months old, i discovered my husband had picked up...a man...in a bar in Soho, 2 months before we got married.

He was hopeless after the baby was born, coming in late, wanting to be out 4 nights a week and when he did come in, being in a mood cos he'd had a row with one of his other women.

Our baby was born late last October. We came to my parents for Christmas and I never went home. So I have lost all my friends and NCT support in London, but I couldn't cope there on my own, so coming home to Sheffield was the only option and of course my family are great and I'm building up a good new support network who are helping me through the depression.

But the divorce is a nightmare and as you say...selling a house right now...? And of course, there's no maintenance as I should be able to survive on Child Maintenance, right?

Never mind what I would like to do to him...my Mum has a wonderful pair of red evening shoes with a VERY high heel which she's thinking about inserting in various places on his anatomy!

Anyway...enough burbling from me. I sympathise with you all, and whilst we can bemoan the state of affairs, I think we have to sometimes but that doesn't mean we see ourselves as victims and incapable of moving on etc.

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