Finding it really hard to be happy for friends who have moved on

[IllegallyBrunette]

I know several people who seperated from their partners/husbands either before I did or afterwards and have all moved on, are in new relationships, planning to get married, have babies etc, and are basically really happy.

Whilst I am happy for them, it makes me feel really depressed and sometimes I feel the need to either avoid them, or have to practically shove my fist i my mouth to stop me telling them to shut up about their fabulous life.

As I said, I am happy for them, but can't help thinking how bloody unfair it all is, especially as some of them pretty much walked straight into new relationships etc.

I don't do flings, and I don't see why wanting to spend my life with someone makes me desperate either.

Xp does have the kids on set days yep, but I am ont going out on my own, i'd feel stupid and like a billy no mates, which is exactly what I am.

I have contacted people that I like on dating sites. They either don't reply at all or they reply and then realise I have 3 kids and I never hear from them again. I have been on Parents Already for ages and ages, and never had any luck. I have sent messages to blokes I like the sound of and they just don't reply, and I can't afford to keep subscribing on the off chance.

Stop looking so hard!!!

I dont see why you are so obsessed with finding someone, i didnt mean you are desperate, but it is coming across that way slightly!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, didnt mean to sound so harsh then.

You need to make some new mates, it is really easy to do this once you are in the right situation.. dating sites are shite, you need to be out with friends having a good time and a good flirt.

Sort out an evening class? What about other mums at school? or your kids' after school activities? this is where i have made all my new friends, it is so easy to make friends with other mums.

Forget it, I am not gonna hang around here to be called desperate, which has happened more than once.

hi illegally

have only speed read but get what you mean. i have mates who have started again and put up with far worse than they ever had with their ex's - still, i'm happy for them and whatever they do.

ive been on my own with the kids since you left school! really, with only a few brief
interludes, ive mostly gone it alone with them.

and some days i get really pissed off at working all hours with no one to come home to - but wouldnt go back to the grief i had years ago with my ex - can remember all too well how close i came to loosing it completely. keeps me grounded on the 'what if' days.

anyway - just dont loose hope. i know women whove said i'll shag you but 3 kids, no thanks. obviously not the ones for me. so keep the same in mind, just cos youre a sp doesnt mean you dont deserve a fella who wants you as a job lot.

the thing is to get out and do the kind of stuff where youre likely to meet someone.

sorry, illegally.

Just wanted to emphasize with IB - yes it is shit sometimes. I've had a similar thing happen with several of my single mum friends finding new partners and seeming to instantly forget about DS and I. It can be exhausting constantly trying to carve out a social life, especially as we don't all have weekends (or anytime) 'off' from DCs.

hiya

can i join you. I don't know why but i am feeling soooooo alone atm too. it coems in waves. The kids being home now for endless weeks just reminds you how humdrum things are doesn't it?

I want to be loved too, no harm in that. Whem i had someone inlove with me, it seemed so preciuos, but 'what i deserved' iyswim. By saying that i mean, i was an attractive young woman, single, and just 'knew' that one day i would find my man, who becmae my husband.

Now i look back and think, how fragile life is, how bloody naive i was to think it would last. Yet at the time you giveit your all in hope it will be 'perfect'

Yet i didn't want perfect, just 'normal' as you describe. Its normal to have a partner i thought. God i dunno iam rambling.

I recently put myself oput there as you know, and got rejected, which was absolutely shite. The one time i thought i would be able to cope with the rejection!! Yet i know i have to keep going.

You just want to love and be loved. It's so much harder when you have kids, becuase you are giving giving 24/7 and you want a bit of adult love back.

Hi IB - I just wanted to say that I know how you feel, but hang in there and I am sure things will get better. As other people here have said, it is very easy to assume that other people's lives are so much better. I feel exactly the same way as you do, but I have been trying really hard lately to just try to enjoy life. I know it's hard. I am quite lucky, in that I have a good job, financial support from ex, etc. but all I can think of is that I cannot be happy without a partner. It's now two years since my exh left, and I have recently made a new resolution to try to be happy.