5.45am friend is here and we are going to try and get baby back from hospital but he is apparently under a 72 hur police protection order.
Police came because dumb mate abroad rang them after I said on phone to her that I can't cope. Think it got to the too many tears stage because it was a month ago to the day h buggered off..maybe it's because I have done all the physical shoring-up practicalities possible and am now lef with black hole of silence and Nothing More To Do except Cope.
Police got here and said ds and i both had to go to hospital...I said i didn't want to go to hospital and lost rag for nano second in bedroom packing a suitcase and said ok take the baby...at which point they got tough and cuffed me, arrested me. Put me in car and said "why didn't you just go volunatirly" but they don't say anything about cuffs coming out and strong-arming you into back of police car if you say the wrong thing for a nano second do they.
The police doctor and the hospital doctors said lovely things and that i needed more support and it's amazing I have done so well so far...but as I said earlier I couldnt take baby home with me because they gave me demazepam to sleep (sp of that?) but friend didn't get here til midnight so too late to take him with us.
Come to think of it I asked at police station to see duty solicitor but none arrived. Only doctor. Why would they not rovide solicitor?
Rang hospital late last night o check on ds and said i would be up there first thing tday to pick him up but they said he's under this protection order and they would ring me.
Friend and I are going up there anyway, This whole situation is just a total nightmare. Remeber: if you have a distressed friend who is in tears because she has spent thirty days coping with disappeared H and massive overdraft and all the other shit that goes with finding out you married a selfish, weak, hopeless prat who sleeps with prostitutes and wrecks lives, do NOT tell the police that you think she is distressed and they should go round there. Unless perhaps you can actually hear her strangling the cat or something. Instead, call her back fifteen mins later and fifteen mins after that and rally some of her other friends she is too worried to call in case it's too early, and tell her to make a cup of tea. Be Sensible.
If they don't let me have ds back this morning I don't know what I shall do.
Why aren't they searching for borderline personality, heart-and-soul wrecker who can just walk away from family home, wife and baby with all their available money and just disappear to prozzie land?
Luckily lovely friend now here but god, it's not going to suddenly improve and she will have to go home in couple of days.
Am going to put this house on market and move. Decided. Move closer to other lovely friend and try to create good life for me and ds away from this memory-laden area where I am now a known entity to authorities because have tried to lean on them in the absence of friends on the ground here..grrr.
Please cross all fingers that I can bring my lovely ds home and hide in cupboard with him from police!!