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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

its friday night, I'm lonely, and I just really want to call him up

33 replies

averyquickex · 20/06/2008 20:40

I know he is not in a good place at the mo, and I know he is seeing someone else, though allegedy taking it slowly and not a physical relationship.
But I really miss him. I just want to talk to him. Or text him, saying I am missing him. Or something. I know I am setting myself up for a fall, but I feel so sad tonight

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averyquickex · 22/06/2008 20:16

babytime - you are so right, he SHOULD be the one begging forgiveness.
but, I really do feel I have turned a corner now, and though I was scared of it, I do realise I cannot share my life with someone thoughtless, selfish and unreliable.
And I would never be able to trust him again anyway..
Feeling very strong today

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babytime · 22/06/2008 20:48

Ahh just saw your message - I am happy for you.

You know if there was any chance that you two did get back together its not going to be now is it?

I think you both need to get on with your own lives and have a friendly relationship around your child for his sake.

My friend who has recently had councelling because of many failed relationships said that it all boiled down to her mum and dads relationship. They spilt when she was younger and can you believe she has not one memory of them in the same room together? She said that she suffered because they were too selfish to put their own crap to the side to make happy surroundings for her.

To be honest they probably thought that it was best they saw her separately so they didnt argue but its not. I am not saying you and your ex should have happy holidays together but you should be able to be in the same room and have a friendly (if poss) relationship for your son snd so he feels its nothing to do with him etc...

I guess to get to that point it may take a while at first.

Anyway back to my original point, if you two ever do patch things up it will be when you have both been separated for awhile, he will miss you and regret what happened. If that happens and you are willing to try then you should have coucelling and see if you can forgive him. Its hard to forgive and forget isnt it so I guess you would need help with that.

But for now you need to concentrate on YOU - its all about YOU and your son so enjoy spoiling yourself and make plans for things YOU like and things YOU want to do that you may not of been able to do before.

I think its a good idea to read up on dealing with separating with the father of your child because these things are not always obvious to us especially when you are in the situation.

averyquickex · 22/06/2008 20:59

very wise words babytime

I know at the moment it is best for me NOT to see ds's dad. I get very angry, and basically my day is in ruins afterwards.
Obviously I would lke to be able to stand being in the same room as him at some point in the future, for ds's sake.
But it does annoy me how it seems like the onus is on me to forgive him and accept what he has done, yet its ok for him to carry on seeing someone else knowing that this is taking ds's dad away from him and it is putting a massive strain on any possible friendship we may have.

bloody arsehole!

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babytime · 22/06/2008 21:03

allgonebellyup - bug hugs to you too.

Get some strength from averyquickex - she's doing great.

Its so hard going through crap like this but you'll be stronger for it.

If you do move on and forget him then whats wrong with that? How is that going to have a negative impact on your life. Moving on and going forward makes us happy as people and people who hang about clutching to lost memories are the ones left behind.

If there is one thing I have learnt in my life and that I will pass onto my daughters is "You make your own luck in life"... you make your own happiness and hanging about for someone else to do it is pointless.

x

babytime · 22/06/2008 21:14

averyquickex - can i just say that I think you are really STRONG if I was in your shoes I know I would be in pieces and probably be done for GBH on my partner because I would MAD!!! if he done that to me and I would have to find all the strength and support from my friends to get by at first so you are doing great right now.

It will take awhile for you but I'm sure you will get there.

I see what your saying about the position he has put you in too - ASSHOLE [ANGRY]... let me at him

This is just for now... when you get over this stage everytime you see him with your head held high and friendly smile will be two big fingers in his face and a reminder that he has lost out on one strong woman.

averyquickex · 22/06/2008 21:43

thanks
in general

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babytime · 22/06/2008 21:52

No worries x

averyquickex · 08/07/2008 20:50

can I just add to this thread? just incase someone reads it in the future and needs the same advice?

Thanks for your advice, and SOOOO glad I didnt call him, co it turned out he WAS shagging her then. He was an arsehole, and I really didnt need to go begging him right then.

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