Looking for another single mum to rent together

[omika]

Hi I’m looking for another single mum to share a house and share bills together

That dose not sound like a good idea at all.

And why advertise on mums net.

Might be worth saying what area you’re looking at @omika.

What was that (American) TV show called where the two women did this? It was many years ago, I lived it as a teen (im
in my 50's now) ...

How would your kids feel about sharing a house with a stranger and their children?

It's hard enough blending families and moving two sets of kids in together when the parents are a long established couple. So I can see this being a difficult thing to make work.

I would give this some more serious thought.
I understand the attraction in some ways, but with someone you don't get know ... and their child/children (who you don't yet know either)?
It's a huge risk.

The area is South East England. So many women are doing it successfully. Thanks for your comments

I’ve seen quite a few Women do it and there is sometimes questions on MN about it. It’s not that unheard of.

I think it’s a fab idea in theory and could make life so much easier for single mums. Bit of a lottery if it’s people you don’t know but plenty move a man in so it’s no worse than that and far easier to back out of as there’s no emotional connection. Good luck with it hope it works for you.

You’d have no control on your child being around a complete stranger and being forced to live with a strange child. A lot of kids like to go home and see it as their safe space - not a place where they have to stand on ceremony like they have constant visitors. You would have no say over the other parent having their family and friends over, who could be people you really dislike or aren’t the kind of people you want around your child. As your child gets older and you would normally be able to leave them home alone, you’d have them home with a stranger.

I think it’s one thing living with a stranger as an adult but I’d never do it with kids. Too many opportunities for abuse and for them to feel like home is no longer a sanctuary and place they can relax and be safe.

I think this is a wonderful idea...far too late for me but in my younger years, when I became a single parent, I would have loved to do this.

However, I would think very carefully about what you want. For instance, I would have wanted to live in a rural location, so I'd have wanted to find someone like-minded, who loved the countryside, who had similarly aged children, who had a car (as rural transport can be problematic at best) and so on. Once you know exactly what you're looking for, you can be a bit more specific as to who you are looking for, and what you might/might not be willing to compromise on.

I hope you find someone, good luck.

I definitely think that in theory this could work well - good luck!

I would just go for a short term contract to begin with (6 months?) in case it doesn't work out.

And look for a property that gives enough space for both families, and make sure you talk it through carefully first to establish exactly what expectations are about things like:

• babysitting/shared childcare. Are you going to do this, and if so how do you establish that it's fairly split?
• different expectations around boundaries with the children, behaviour issues etc. How will you deal with parenting differences.
• visitors to the house. Especially if either of you has or meets a FWB/boyfriend or girlfriend. Are they allowed to stay over? If so how often?
• will you share stuff like food/cleaning products? If so how will you make this fair?

That's just a few of the things that occured to me. I genuinely think it could work really well, but just be careful.

Good luck!

As others have said, it makes much more sense than cohabiting with a new partner, who may expect to have some kind of fake parenting role in your kids' life.

At least it will be clear to all involved that this is an arrangement of convenience (tho it may hopefully lead to friendship also) so it will be much easier and more straightforward to draw up and stick to boundaries, and, as someone else said upthread, to dissolve the situation if it isn't working for all concerned.

You see so many threads on here from people who have tried to blend households with a new partner, and it's been a disaster, but they don't know how to undo it because they still love the partner and want to keep that romantic connection. (I've been in this exact situation myself).

So much better if your are just lodgers sharing accommodation - you could just say, this isn't working, no hard feelings, and dissolve the set-up without heartbreak.

And on the plus side you get all the financial and practical benefits of living with another adult, which are not negligible, and are often mentioned on here by people determined to blend families with a partner.

There’s a name for this, a Bedford arrangement or something like that?
I think it’s a great idea- I would do it if I was single.

Kate and Ally - such a good programme!

These comments are interesting as I’ve seen this kind of thing posted before and usually all the comments are saying what a wonderful idea it is! I always thought it sounded bad, new partners, kids not getting on etc

Yeah I can see a hundred pitfalls.
No advantages.

Try Facebook x

Sounds a much better idea than hooking up with a man (and his part time kids).

I think it could be a great idea but the way you have suggested it on here with no details means I would rule you out straight away

Facebook X?

😄 I dunno, just Facebook

Mumsnet isnt really the place to find a housemate unfortunately

I doubt you’re a single mum

Especially if you give no details as to location, age, cost of possible accommodation etc.
🤣🤣

Hi op I think it would be a great plan I’d love to live with one of my single mum friends if I had two spare rooms I’d definitely invite them to be lodgers.
The difficulties are, if you private rent it will count as a house of multiple occupancy, housing association it would only be in one persons name, if one of the mums owns the home then it may not feel like a real equal home to the lodger home knowing they could be asked to leave , and it may be scary for the owner mum thinking how could I get rid of them if I needed to or what happens if their kid smashes my windows etc. so there is lots to pre plan like a prenup!!
you could look on spare room for live in landlords to try to find a set up like this but it won’t be stable housing. What would you do if you had to move it might be harder to find somewhere locally alone.
there is a single mums uk Facebook group. I think if you posted areas you’d consider and your budget you MIGHT find another mum with space (only if she’s rich enough to not need to share though probably!) or someone who wants to get a new private rental and would team up with someone.

in the right set up this would be amazing, you could take turns cooking, babysit while the other has nights out etc and the child has a playmate.

You don’t have to do that either 🙄