Handing the kids over twice a week every week is tearing me apart

[ChasingSquirrels]

and all I can see is it looming into the future, on and on and on.
They have just gone with their dad this morning, and I sat here and howled. I have now stopped howling but am unable to stop the tears seaping out and rolling down my face.
This is geting harder not easier.
It is bad enough that my husband, friend, lover who I have been with for nearly 17 years no longer wants to be with me, but to take my kids away from me aswell is so fucking horrible.
I know (I suppose) that it will get easier. But I hate it so much.

ycnbs - I think he already is.
I still don't think he deserves them, but that is totally NOT the point, he is their father - and they deserve to have a father. He is not a bad person and certainly isn't a bad father (albeit a pretty uninvolved on until now).