feeling very sad today :( Please talk to me.

[ratbunny]

so h and I are separated. he had an emotional affair with sme woman 10 years younger, says she is still his friend so I said I cant be his friend anymore. we were together 15 years. he has run off and left me and 16 mo ds, so he can have his freedom etc etc etc

he is such an arse, I hate him so much for how much he has hurt me, and for whathe has done to ds's family. ds loved it when me and xh were together with him

but today I am feeling so sad. grieving for the life we could have had. I know there is no gong back, but every time I hear from him (to arrange contact with ds), I crumble. It would be so much easier if I never saw him again. I keep hoping he will see what an arse he has been, and regret what he has done (even though its very likely I wouldnt take him back). At his worst, he was selfish, unreliable, lazy and let me and others down etc etc. But I still hopee that together we could sort things out, that we would be a proper family.

I feel so sad that all of our past counted for nothing. That he wasnt willing to try. That he is being so selfish. That he has totally dumped me in it - after all he can get out every night, but I am stuck in while ds sleeps. That the future I was looking to has changed out of all recognition.

I keep looking back to the turning point - when he essentially chose work over our family by cancelling our holiday abroad when work asked him to come in. I keep thinking about what might have been, if we had just got away that week. We were trying for a baby, and moving house to accommodate a larger family. Then he decides he cant be arsed any more.



I feel so sad and confused.

[fawkeoff]

right sweetie.....you need to take a step back

If he wants to be a low life prick and pick some little tramp over his wife and child then fuck him.....

you need to mean business now, if he wont be seeing your son he at least needs to contribute to his upbringing....shame you dont have her boyfriends email address you could forwars them to him....
start living your life for you and your son.....he isnt worth the tears and sleepless nights, he is probably just pissed off because you aren't grovelling at his feet for him to come back home.
I think the main thing thathurts is the fact that he has turned into a stranger, you no longer know him because he isnt the person you fell in love with....remember that, hold your head high and let him fart about just dont leave the door open for him, he is taking you for granted and once he realises you aren't at his mercy he will shit himself

[fawkeoff]

also agree dont look at his emails again, he isnt worth it sweetie x

[ratbunny]

yeah fuck him.

I need to do everything legally now dont I?
Show him I mean business.
But I am worried financially - if he refuses to pay me maintenance etc (I need an extra 600 a month to keep afloat), I will be fucked. I am\entitled to 350 I know, but the rest is spousal maintenance.

arsehole

[fawkeoff]

well you need to contact him regards the maintenance.....things arent going to be the same, you will have to cut back on a few things but it will be worth it once you get used to it.....I have been in my home on my own for nearly a month now, and i wont pretend that i dont miss a male companion in the house, but there is more to my life than that. You will be fine sweetie....i know how it feels i went through a similar situation 4 years ago.....and you can forgine in time but it will never you

[fawkeoff]

forgive i mean

[ratbunny]

well we did speak last night.
he still claims he didnt leave me for someone else, even though he is 'seeing' her now.
he says he is sorry - well not sorry enough to call an end to this relationshp before it starts and do the work where it is needed, I replied.
I told him - every time you look at her, you will remember what you have given up to be with her.
They wont last, I know it.what a waste.

I woke up this morning, thinking he was next to me in bed

[fawkeoff]

((((((((hugs for ratbunny)))))))

it will pass, you will move on and he will end up with nothing....the chase is over and she wont want him for long....he is just a prick and not worth your teats babe. did you speak to him about maintenance

[ratbunny]

I have just sent him an email saying I cannot ever see him again, or have any contact with him. He will have to arrange seeing ds with my dad. Every time I have contact with him, I get hurt all over again.
I cannot believe, and so cannot accept, that he has done this.
I have asked him to continue to pay maintenance, as otherwise I cant keep a roof over ds's head.

[ambercat]

Ratbunny, i feel like that aswell, i'm fine til i hear from him or see him. I am lucky in a way as h is going away in july til xmas so will have time to recover, although i feel it will be like starting all over again in december.

I think you are right to not see him atm as it is all too raw and you need time to come to terms with what has happened. xxx