DS10 doesnt want me to date

[QuaintPearlNewt]

As the title says.

Long story which I'll try and keep brief.

Officially single for 13 months now but had been in a manipulative relationship for 6 years where I felt single while he was having his affair. (Prior to the affair he was a hands on dad).

My ex hasnt had contact with our son since the final split, so it's just been us.

I want to date but my son is dead against it. He gets so worked up, proper sobbing.

I have casually secretly dated but now I've met someone I really like who could be long term.

On one hand I want to just tell my son that it's not his decision but on the other I cant stand to cause him so much upset.

I also know parents that have lost contact with their child/ren from not listening to the feelings regarding a new partner.

I honestly dont know what to do.
My ex is living his best life with his girlfriend and I'm a solo parent who wants a partner, not just for me but I want my son to have a good male role model in his life.

Yeah my ex is living his best life. Since we split over 12 years ago he’s had another partner who he had a child with, then they split and I believe he’s had other partners since. Definitely has a current girlfriend.

I’ve never bothered. Don’t have the time and energy and don’t really go anywhere where I’d meet someone. It’s come up in conversation a few times with my teens and they both have said ‘please don’t’. That’s fine for now but at some point they will grow up and leave home.

Christ, some of these opinions are pretty close to echoing my ex, who is of the opinion that he has “a right to have a life” (from a man who has 10 child-free days a fortnight) and who is determined that our daughter will “just have to get used to” sharing him with his girlfriend on the minimal number of days that he actually has with the kids.

This! Great advice

You’re telling your kid way too much … you need to stop this.

Does your ds struggle with you having female friends? Do they come round to your house?

Definitely this. Kids don’t have full brain capacity to understand all the ins and outs so can’t have children calling the shots or we’d all be even more up the swanny

Why oh why are you telling your 10-year old son about your love life? He should only know about playing football and climbing trees. Now you’ve brought adult topics to the kiddy table. No wonder he’s petrified and depressed and fighting this. He thinks you’re about to run away and leave him homeless left to starve and die.

I would carry on dating him as long as you can without him knowing. You will know when the time is right to tell him. Its not up to him to dictate whether you can date or not.

Your child should be your priority until they leave home (18), including their preferences on you dating. Maybe an unpopular opinion but this is his only childhood and dating is unstable. He’s also affected by your dating life.

I agree with this. Even now I feel there would be a backlash to saying this from people saying - am I supposed to be a nun etc. It’s just a short time kids are kids before they grow up & leave home. And seeing how flaky & deceitful dating apps and dating is in general, why would you introduce instability & horrors to your child who’s already had their guts torn out?

Besides, nearly all murders, assaults and sexual assaults are caused by step-parents who want their non-biological kids eliminated. And don’t the kids know this.