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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

just feel so effing deflated today :o(

28 replies

fawkeoff · 07/06/2008 14:28

I just cant be arsed to do anything with the house, the kids are running riot and i just feel like shit....stayed at my friends last night while he had the children because i just cannot bear to be in the house on my own , i just feel so lonely, even though we have made the right decision, i just cant believe the situation i am in right now....most of the time i feel fine but i just cannot shake this feeling of sadness.

DD is staying at my dads tonight and DS will be in bed for 7.30 pm so thats me on my own....again i just want to cry....but i wont

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Original poster

fawkeoff · 07/06/2008 14:29

i just want to be happy and ok on my own, and i know it wont be better overnight but i just wish someone would cut me some slack....DS is trampolining in the buff so id better drag him in

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mankymummy · 07/06/2008 14:31

aw can you plan something nice? get some nice bubble bath in, bottle of wine/DVD or something?

have you any mates you can get round?

i know what you mean about the loneliness sometimes when DS gone to bed i find myself standing in the middle of the lounge thinking... what now? can i go to bed yet?

MascaraOHara · 07/06/2008 14:32

How long have you been on your own for?

objectivity · 07/06/2008 14:33

I'm having the same feelings today. I feel so rubbsih that I'm not even making best use of the time Ihave without DC today.Could/should be mowing lawn, ironing, tidying,etc. but I just feel too sad.

Original poster

fawkeoff · 07/06/2008 14:34

ive been on my own for amost 2 weeks, so everything is just brand new to me.

I dont want him back....truthfully, i just feel so lost on my own because i was with him from being 15 ...im blubbing now

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MascaraOHara · 07/06/2008 14:35

I don't feel great either but I recognise that my crapiness today has a trigger.

We are entitled to feel rubbish somedays

MascaraOHara · 07/06/2008 14:36

sorry posts crossed.. 2 weeks is very new.. you're bound to feel rotten

OverMyDeadBody · 07/06/2008 14:36

I think, what both you are objectivity need, is some time doing something special that is just for you. A treat, some pampering, something that you usually don't do because kids/ironing/tidying come first.

Even if it is just reading a book, going into town and ordering a big cake from a cafe, getting your nails done, buying a magazine and reading it while eating chocolate, you need to focus your energy into somethgin that is going to make you feel good.

Can you do that? Can you give yourself some loving?

MascaraOHara · 07/06/2008 14:36

and it's allowed..

I try to decide whetehr it's a day wher eI need to wallow or whether it's a day whether I need to cheer myself up.

MascaraOHara · 07/06/2008 14:37

oh and the only rule is..

if you have a wallow-y day then you are not allowed to wallow the next day.. you have to go for a walk or take the kids out to a play centre or something

Original poster

fawkeoff · 07/06/2008 14:38

there is so much i need to do....

the whole house actually and i just cannot be arsed...as much as i want to go upstairs and scrub the bathroom down i just cant find the energy to it.

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objectivity · 07/06/2008 14:41

Fawkeoff,you'llget into a new routine in time - one that allows you to stop thinking about how weekends used to be or could have been. You have grown up with your exdp, so no wonder you feel lost. I don't even have to deal with that awful feeling you must have in suddenly being alone with your DC - I've been on my own on and off for years, but I still know what it is to feel sadand alone and at such a loose end because life was set up a certain way until recently.

It hurts.I just cried all the way back from the supermarket too. I feel for you.

OverMyDeadBody · 07/06/2008 14:41

2 weeks isn't long. You need to cut yourself some slack, of course you are going to feel lonely. What you need to start trying to do is redescover yourself, re-ignite old interests and hobbies, focus your energy into growing and lossoming as a person. It takes a while but instead of focusing on what you've lost (for want of a better word) look to the present and the future and focus on everything that lays before you. The possibilities are endless and you have a chance to try new things, learn, grow, take up new passions, watch whole series of your favourite programme back to back...whatever!

Keep positive. I kknow it's hard, I've been there, but it does get easier. This too will pass.

Original poster

fawkeoff · 07/06/2008 14:41

i think i just need to get myself into the right frame of mind....

things are not going to get done if i sit here feeling sorry for myself,
my situation is not going to change, i will be on my own for the forseeable future.

I think what i really need to do is find out who i am on my own.....i feel better just for writing it down.

my friends have offered me to go to there house tonight but i am going to stay in instead.....i am never going to learn to be happy on my own if i keep running away from my hom when the kids aren't there

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mankymummy · 07/06/2008 14:41

dont then love. go and get a magazine and a big fat bar of chocolate, some wine and sit in the garden. it IS the weekend...

and the world wont fall apart if you have one day to yourself and tomorrow you will feel better...

Tinkerbel6 · 07/06/2008 14:43

Don't do it then fawk have a lazy day and start the housework tomorrow, does your son need to be in bed early, can you not let him stay up and you both sit and watch a film together and have a munch out ?

I think that you do need to spend time on your own and get to know yourself before you can move on, do you not have any friends that you can spend time with ?

Original poster

fawkeoff · 07/06/2008 14:44

your posts are very comforting to me right now, i know that i wont feel like this forever, and i will be fine eventually, i just have to adjust and be there for my kids...they are most important people in my life, and i dont want them to see me upset because it is horrible for them as well

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MascaraOHara · 07/06/2008 14:45

Green & black's chocolate ice cream.. a spoon and a film

girlshookup · 07/06/2008 14:45

hiya, I know that feeling, its crap, mine has taken my dd's to MY family this weekend, so Im home alone, with all their washing and a filthy house, he's not done a tap all week for them. It will get better for us, it must, we are good human beings, with lots to offer. What always makes you feel good- a song, a picture, someone complimenting you ? I bet you're a fab person, just need reminding when its tough. Today will pass, so will the feeling, and life will be good again, its a promise, x

OverMyDeadBody · 07/06/2008 14:45

"I think what i really need to do is find out who i am on my own.....i feel better just for writing it down."

Yes yes, that is exactly what you need to do, and once you do things will get better.

Leave the housework if you can't be bothered today though, it won't be the end of the world grin]

Tinkerbel6 · 07/06/2008 14:46

I would re-consider not taking your friend up on the offer tonight, you have plenty of other nights to sit in and ponder, why sit in being miserable if you don't have too, go on have a few drinks and a chat and a cry if necessary and start to revaluate your life tomorrow

Original poster

fawkeoff · 07/06/2008 14:46

DS is only 2 so needs to be in bed early, he is tired from being with his dad last night...their routine is all over the show...i asked DD if she wanted to stay at home with me but she wants to go to grandads

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Original poster

fawkeoff · 07/06/2008 14:51

well i might see if she wants to come to mine instead....which will give me the incentive to tidy my house

I am just feeling fragile, i have a lot on at the minute with my exams and everything and i just feel like everything is being thrown at me all at once

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Tinkerbel6 · 07/06/2008 14:55

even more reason to be in the company of a friend, now get your butt off the chair and call your friend and invite her round, do a quick tidy up and get the children sorted, put the wine on ice, check teletext for a film to watch and get the takeaway menus out, and have a good night

Original poster

fawkeoff · 07/06/2008 15:00

i suppose, he has just rang to see how the kids are.....he only dropped them off a couple of hours!!!!!!

sometimes i wish he would just leave me alone

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