feel like i cant cope with all the kids on my own anymore 😢

[FindingMyFeet89]

hi i dont even no where to start. just feelin so low tonight. i got 4 kids at home n im pregnant again n it just feels like too much.

ds1 is ok mostly, keeps to himself but i worry he depressed cos he dont talk much. ds2 is always in trouble at school, i had another phone call today n i just wanted to cry cos i dunno what to do with him anymore 😢 ds3 is strugglin loads too with school n needs more help but i feel like no1 listens. ds4 just started reception n its a big change for him n me both.

i try so hard to be there for them all but i feel like im failing every1. i end up shoutin or crying cos i just cant keep up. bf (babys dad) dont really help, he’s never here when i need him.

sometimes i think my kids wud be better off with some1 else cos i cant do it all. i love them more than anything but im so tired n lonely.

does any1 else feel like this? how do u keep going when it all just feels too much?

why on earth have you had another baby with a man who doesn’t help?!

I’ve read other posts of yours and I think things are really difficult for you. You’ve sorted DS1 and hit him into college, I assume that’s going ok?
Now time for DS2 and DS3. You need to call school and arrange for meetings to discuss their issues and what you can do to sort them. Ask for support and take any that is offered.
You can self refer to social services so that might be worth a try.
Have you sorted your bed situation? I’m really concerned how you will manage the new baby when the father is clearly useless. What about the other children’s dad(s). Are they able to help and support you in meetings!

Sorry for horrible replies. Have you got a social worker? Can you speak to your gp about possible depression?

Whilst I agree that the current pregnancy should probably be the last, there's no need to be snarky about it. It's not like she can shove them all back up.

Sounds like a series of separately tricky situations, which combined would feel overwhelming to anyone. What suport do you currently have? Don't be afraid to reach out to the kids schools to see if they can either offer more suport or signpost to local services.

I hope your stupid remark makes you feel really good 🙄

Op, its tough, I'm totally on my own with DC. Its relentless and you always feel guilty for getting it wrong. Those feelings are normal. What support do you have?

Ffs so why are you on the lone parents board if that's your attitude?! Just to lay into struggling women.

You certainly have your hands full OP. How old are your older dcs?

Can you sit the elder three down and ask them to work as a team to help each other. That if they can do that, you'll have more time for each of them, and you'll help make things better. Gently give them a little responsibility. Try to give each of them some personal time every two days.

When is the new baby due? Are you sure you want to go ahead with the pregnancy?

Have you considered the effect of another child and the further division of your attention away from your existing dcs?

Do you have family or friends who will help? Have you asked your GP or health visitor for help? What about the school? You need to ask for every bit of help available. Don't be ashamed to ask. And think carefully about your contraception.

What provision have you made for your dcs if anything bad should happen to you? It doesn't sound like your boyfriend would be any use. Talk to your midwife and ask her to help you make sensible plans.

Good luck.

I'm pretty sure this poster is 20+ weeks pregnant now. She posts a lot about her situation.

Can you get some support from the father’s of any of these children OP, or any grandparents/family on either side? It does sound like there is quite a lot going on in your house and that doesn’t create a great atmosphere, it might be that some external support or even a change of scenery for the eldest might be really helpful.

Oh sweetie you need some outside help.
That could be a volunteer based scheme like Home start or via social services.
Have you had what's called Early Help through social services before. It does help.
I'm not sure how you get referred or whether you can self refer so talk to your midwife or your children's schools.
Hope college is going ok for the eldest 💐

I’m a lone parent. I’be been a lone parent for 12 years. Do you know what I did though? I didn’t have anymore kids because I knew that the two I had would be affected, and it would make my life more complicated and harder than I would be able to deal with and I wanted to give the 2 kids I had during my long term relationship the best chance.

You confused stupid with realistic. People having children they can't actually cope with is incredibly selfish.

thanks for replies even the hard ones. i no i shud of been more careful with contraception n not got in this mess again but its done now n i cudnt go thru with abortion. i love my kids so much even if its hard.

ds1 is doin ok at college i think, he don’t say much but he goes in every day so i guess that’s good. ds2 has been put on report now cos of his behaviour n i just feel like im gettin calls all the time. ds3 got his own struggles too at school n i feel like no1 listens properly when i ask for help. ds4 still so little n clingy.

i dont got family around to help n most my friends are online now cos ppl in real life drifted away. bf is just useless, he says he’ll help but never turns up when i need him.

im just really tired n lonely. feels like im not good enough for them 😢

OP you need to get rid of your useless boyfriend first. Ask for help from your GP, social services, the school. Take all the help you can get. After this child you need rock solid contraception and no more useless men or pregnancies. Your kids need you helping them and supporting them, not giving time to useless losers . Are there any parenting classes run by your council ? Ask social services what interventions and help they can offer .

You are good enough. Do not let strangers on the internet make you feel otherwise. You are their mother and you are trying your best with the tools you have been given. This is a difficult time but you will find your way through. Are you able to reach out to the school for additional support? Make friends with local parents? Speak to your GP about your mental health? I know that these can be overwhelming admin tasks whilst pregnant. Please do not let this man take advantage of you. You are vulnerable right now and he sounds like no use at all. Maintain as little contact as possible. You are a strong lady. You have to put you, therefore your family, first.

Typical nasty replies from people who love kicking someone when they are down

OP I’ve been wondering how you’ve been doing. Good to hear that your eldest has settled into college. My first bit of advice would be he probably seems like the easiest right now as his college isn’t calling up with problems but take some time to tell him that you’re proud of him for going in etc. Hopefully a bit of positive reinforcement, and in front of his other siblings will set bit of a good example that ‘good’ behaviour is rewarded.

I echo what others say regarding getting help from outsiders. Social actually want to help families that are struggling. They’re not all social workers, but family workers/health visitors etc who can point you towards extra help (can put you in the front of the queue for SEN assessments etc if you other kids need it/help with physical things that the kids need - I know someone who reached out saying the kids needed uniform and they turned up that afternoon with uniform including brand new frilly socks/matching hair ties etc).

Another thing OP to consider is putting this baby up for adoption. My best friend was adopted, had a wonderful childhood from two parents who desperately wanted kids but couldn’t have them then she built a relationship with her biological mum and older siblings when she turned 18. There’s lots of loving couples in this country are desperate to become parents and 18 years would go past super fast for you to be reunited. It will be hard emotionally for a while OP but honestly one person to be split around five children is a lot especially when you don’t have family to lean on.

OP I’ve just read your other thread about your son getting in trouble at school then sneaking onto his Xbox when you’re not looking. I’d give his Xbox to his head of year/somebody at his school who works with him and you trust to look after it. Then your son can be angry at them for them keeping until they judge that he’s sorted out his behaviour and ‘earned it back’. It will also show the school you’re wanting to work with them.

I said that the OP is doing the best with the tools she has been equipped. There is obviously an underlying issue. This poster may have had an entirely different upbringing to you or I. Your cruel comments do not change the fact that this lady has 5 children, whether you approve of it or not. She is looking for help. If you are a lone parent like you claim, there will have been times when you needed support in a similar manner, from a friend or a professional. Parenting is universally difficult. Find somebody else to pick on.