Can someone enlighten me? XP new behaviour

[wildfish]

Hi all, this is a bit puzzling for me, I have my own theories, but I guess it would be nice to hear from some exP if they could rationalise this.

quick background
Basically I got divorced about 2.5 years ago (doesn't time fly). We have 1 DS (4). After the divorce (and settlement) X stayed in the family home, while she sorted her job and then looked for a house. I helped find a house. After she moved out, we did our shared residency thing, but in the end due to DS wanting not to go, and her own priorities DS stayed with me.
During all this time, she has asked for help, and I have given help with buying stuff, installing stuff, building furniture, other misc stuff, picking her up late from places. We also did go out together for DS on occasion for meals. Anyway all amicable (for DS sake). And very flexible since DS stayed with me.

Now here is the puzzle part for me. She met someone this year. Within 2 months, declared he was the one for life, (allegedly they married 3 months).

Now since March (2 months from meeting said man), X behaviour towards me has gone from amicable to outright hostile. On communications, it used to be her asking for help a moments notice (pleasantly), to now down to now texting simple orders ("have DS ready, on way"). She now refuses to communicate about DS at all - in any of the important matters. It is a struggle to get her attention. She picks him up and blanks me completely (I mean acts as if I wasn't there). She ordered me two days ago, not even to ring her bell when picking up DS, I have to wait in the car. Yesterday she had a jacket for him, (cos it was chilly?) but made him take it off before he left the car. I guess he'll be stripping before coming home soon. Her new DP has given me instructions on what I cannot and can buy, and take DS to (yes I've ignored).

Please don't get me wrong, not dealing with them at all would be wonderful, but the things that concern me,

1. The effect of this hostility on DS
2. Why would you go 180 degrees on this.
3. How can we joint parent DS when I can't say anything.

Other tidbits, she has told DS he has a new daddy. She is using a foreign word that means dad, and told DS to call him that. She has told DS he has new grandparents. She has told me DS cannot see DS family (other part of country, but he used to regularly see them) until DS sees his new family and her family (both abroad now). (She als does want DS to stay overnight now BTW - another thread another story)

Anyway felt I needed to give some background at least some, so someone can help me understand the thinking behind this new behaviour. It makes no sense to me, because even in my worst case thoughts, she would have to remain amicable until she got DS back on overnights (or more). Going hostile seems to serve no logical purpose at all - in my view.

What I also cannot quite understand, is this her, is this the new man (who is also hostile towards me), is this a combination, is this standard Xp behaviour when they find a new person?

Sorry for the babbling, trying to summarise and keep it about the question,

Thanks

Good good on the passport front. Can't be letting the irrational types have any hope of acting on damned foolish ideas

The irony is, my ex would probably consider me to be an irrational ex. However, I know he's wrong

Stand your ground Wildfish, you've got your son's interests at heart, which it would appear is a heck of a lot more than his mum does right now.

WF, I don't know if it would work, but do you think a letter to the passport people explaining that any re application for a replacement passport from his mother should not be granted as you fear she will do what you fear iyswim? just to safeguard you and Ds.

you should thin/ k about suggesting mediation to her... you and her as ds's parents to discuss how you are goinbg to co parent him and act together in his best interests.... her new dp can keep out of it. if she says no she is being unreasonable....or have you written her a calm and polite letter asking her why she is being so rude / unpleasant / upsetting to ds?? (keep a copy).

Totally agree about mediation. It's an excellent way to make sure all your fears are aired and that you both get equal chance to put your points across.

I went through something similar with my exP - as soon as he knew the game was up and I had no illusions about how 'wonderful' he was he became a different person, began belittling me, shouting and arguing in front of our baby boy whenever he came to pick him up (ds was 4 months when everything kicked off and began to go ugly).

I took my fears (also that exP would take ds overseas) to my solicitor and informed exP that I could only be contacted through her.

I was offered mediation and agreed to enter the process to sort out exP's contact with ds (he only managed one session before pulling out) I offered supervised contact with a stipulation that his (psycho) girlfriend could not have rights of access, My ex has not seen his son since and I have not had sight nor sound of him.

my advice is... go for a free half hour 'chat' with a family law solicitor. They will have seen this all before and will make suggestions to help you.

Mediation was brilliant for me as I'm not good at confrontation and needed someone there who could help me to steer my arguments. I now look back on going for that initial chat with my solicitor as one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I think Wildfish might possibly be pas the realms of a free half hour interview with his solicitor

There're a couple of threads in the step-parenting board about his woes with his evil ex and her psychotic nut-job 'husband'

Ooo yeah way past the free 1/2 hour

Yep we have mediation scheduled , though X has said she thinks it will be a waste of time. Not sure if that means we are going to court or just "waste of time, can't be bothered".

My solicitor doesn't really make suggestion, just lays it all out, what I can do, what I can't, how a court might interpret stuff and how she X might present stuff. Then says what do you want to do.

I want one that says, "just leave the money on the table and you won't be bothered by them again"... oh wait thats not a solicitor is it, it's just leave the money part

Ooops, sorry, not seen his other threads

Think it's somewhere else you go to put money on table and ask not to be bothered by X again

have you been for your solo interview with the mediator yet?

Yep been to the solo. That went good, but its a different one now so just hope its a fair one.

Wildfish - if you've been to a sol, you really need to have a look at that place we discussed yesterday. Seriously mate.

do you mean they've allocated a different mediator for your session?

yep (Only say that cos the first one seemed very fair and level)