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Original poster

What to say to ex

54 replies

MochiPie · 07/08/2025 22:59

I'm planning on reaching out to my ex who hasn't seen the children in 2 years to see if he would like to have contact with the children again. Has anyone done this and what did you say? Or should I just use chat GPT 🫣

OP posts:
Bingbopboomboomboombopbaam · 07/08/2025 23:01

Surely if he wanted contact with his children he’d reach out?

Original poster
MochiPie · 07/08/2025 23:06

Not necessarily

OP posts:
BeMellowAquaSquid · 07/08/2025 23:14

Is this a joke? Don’t bother let your ex contact you if they cared they would have contacted by now. Who are you doing this for?

Original poster
MochiPie · 07/08/2025 23:18

Why would this be a joke? Lots of parents reach out to exes and then I can show my kids I've tried at least. Confused why it would be a joke.

OP posts:
Original poster
MochiPie · 07/08/2025 23:28

There's literally a post above mine where the op is asking if she should reach out to her abusive ex so hardly a "rare event" is it
That it could be considered a "joke" And mine is the "joke post" there was no abuse just contact fizzled out and he stopped making an effort I wouldn't be asking if he was abusive. Please can I have advice how to word a message from people that have been in this situation rather than judgemental comments thanks

OP posts:
AlertEagle · 07/08/2025 23:28

My child’s father left when he was 2, came back 4 years later to disappear again. I will never ever allow any contact, call, video etc. it made my son very insecure and upset Im still trying to fix his broken heart and Ive told him when someone really loves you they would do anything to be in your life and when they dont they will make excuses after excuses.

AlertEagle · 07/08/2025 23:29

It isn’t your job to reach out.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 07/08/2025 23:30

Why would you want him back in their life after 2 years? Im not being flippant. Im asking a genuine question.

If he hasn't bothered getting in touch then he is unlikely to remain in their lives if he does say yes. That is going to cause far more damage to your kids than not seeing him at all.

What are you hoping to achieve? And why?

Original poster
MochiPie · 07/08/2025 23:31

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 07/08/2025 23:30

Why would you want him back in their life after 2 years? Im not being flippant. Im asking a genuine question.

If he hasn't bothered getting in touch then he is unlikely to remain in their lives if he does say yes. That is going to cause far more damage to your kids than not seeing him at all.

What are you hoping to achieve? And why?

Regular contact and so that the children can have a relationship with their father

OP posts:
Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 07/08/2025 23:55

Do they want that?

Does he want that?

Why do.you want it if he has been absent for so long?

Original poster
MochiPie · 08/08/2025 00:07

Haven't spoken about it with them yet as I'd want to reach out to him first and check if he wanted contact otherwise before I started mentioning it to the kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
MochiPie · 08/08/2025 00:32

AlertEagle · 07/08/2025 23:28

My child’s father left when he was 2, came back 4 years later to disappear again. I will never ever allow any contact, call, video etc. it made my son very insecure and upset Im still trying to fix his broken heart and Ive told him when someone really loves you they would do anything to be in your life and when they dont they will make excuses after excuses.

What if your son wanted contact in the future?

OP posts:
Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 08/08/2025 06:33

So actively this is about you and not them.

If he wanted contact he would have been in touch with you.

What is you real motivation

AlertEagle · 08/08/2025 06:38

MochiPie · 08/08/2025 00:32

What if your son wanted contact in the future?

Show quote history

He doesn’t want contact with him dad, he let him down a lot of times. He would say he is coming to see him and not showing up, my son would end up looking out the window waiting for him and crying.

I wouldn’t contact your ex if I was you, if he wanted to reach out he would have done it. Believe me an absent father is better than a one that lets their kids down every single time.

I would tell my children how my I love them, point out all the people who love them and tell them Im there for them.

do you still have feelings for your ex? Are your children asking about him

OnceIn · 08/08/2025 06:40

Have your dc requested to see him? If they have then yes, reach out to him and request it.

How old are your dc?

Original poster
MochiPie · 08/08/2025 07:57

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 08/08/2025 06:33

So actively this is about you and not them.

If he wanted contact he would have been in touch with you.

What is you real motivation

Of course it’s about me as well, I didn’t choose to have kids to parent them alone, it will benefit them to have a relationship with their father so it works both ways

OP posts:
Original poster
MochiPie · 08/08/2025 07:58

AlertEagle · 08/08/2025 06:38

He doesn’t want contact with him dad, he let him down a lot of times. He would say he is coming to see him and not showing up, my son would end up looking out the window waiting for him and crying.

I wouldn’t contact your ex if I was you, if he wanted to reach out he would have done it. Believe me an absent father is better than a one that lets their kids down every single time.

I would tell my children how my I love them, point out all the people who love them and tell them Im there for them.

do you still have feelings for your ex? Are your children asking about him

Show quote history

No feelings? Been broken up a decade, it’s only the last two years there’s been no contact. I can’t point to anyone else that loves them as I have no family it’s literally just me and the kids.

OP posts:
Typicalwave · 08/08/2025 08:00

No. Don’t do it. Your children deserve better. You deserve peace.

Let useless men lie

Eeehbyeck · 08/08/2025 08:11

Wow I’m shocked by the responses on here, sorry OP.
surely this is just your personal choice and everyone’s situation is so different we couldn’t possibly know all of the details.
the question you actually asked was what to write.
if keep it very simple ‘Hi ex, I’m reaching out to say if you’ve been thinking about having contact with the kids again I’d be open to discussing it, let me know’. He either will or won’t respond and that is completely out of your control so don’t overthink it.
good luck x

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 08/08/2025 09:14

MochiPie · 08/08/2025 07:57

Of course it’s about me as well, I didn’t choose to have kids to parent them alone, it will benefit them to have a relationship with their father so it works both ways

Show quote history

How the hell does it benefit them to have someone in their lives who literally hasn't bothered their backside with them in 2 years?

What you will do is cause them so much more harm. I dont doubt you mena well and I have had periods where for my dds sake I have had to stop contact with her dad so I absolutely understand how hard doing it alone is. But honestly, unless they are harping on all the time about wanting to see him then for your kids sake leave it be.

AlertEagle · 08/08/2025 12:26

was there a reason that he stopped contact or just ghosted ?

Original poster
MochiPie · 08/08/2025 13:23

Eeehbyeck · 08/08/2025 08:11

Wow I’m shocked by the responses on here, sorry OP.
surely this is just your personal choice and everyone’s situation is so different we couldn’t possibly know all of the details.
the question you actually asked was what to write.
if keep it very simple ‘Hi ex, I’m reaching out to say if you’ve been thinking about having contact with the kids again I’d be open to discussing it, let me know’. He either will or won’t respond and that is completely out of your control so don’t overthink it.
good luck x

thank you! Exactly! The only one who actually answered my question

OP posts:
Original poster
MochiPie · 08/08/2025 13:53

Typicalwave · 08/08/2025 08:00

No. Don’t do it. Your children deserve better. You deserve peace.

Let useless men lie

My life isn't peaceful if it was I wouldn't be considering reaching out

OP posts:
Raspberryrippleflavour · 08/08/2025 18:54

OP, I can understand your thinking maybe that the child deserves some contact with their dad, but I can totally understand where the other posters are coming from too.

Would you abandon your own child for 2 years? You have to question someone who has made that choice.

The likelihood is that if you reach out, then someone who chose to walk away is very likely to do that again. This is a deep wound for a child and can leave them with attachment issues and insecurity as an adult.

My child is very young, but I can see they want more from their dad who I separated from and he is just not someone who can give it. He wants a life elsewhere without responsibility. I have to deal with the fallout and it is heartbreaking.

lizzyBennet08 · 08/08/2025 20:35

Op it sounds a bit like you're struggling yourself and hoping that he might row in and offer some support.
let me tell you than men who abandon their kids for 2 years will never be an addition to your life , no matter how hard it is now, it xould
be made worse by having a deadbeat to contend with as well and you'll just end up picking up the pieces for your kids as well.