Feel so done

[SugaSugaS]

Does anyone else feel so done sometimes?
I’m so jealous of parents that get weekends to themselves, I joined some support groups but I get jealous of parents saying how they have child free nights/ weekends planning trips away etc I know some will say they are jealous of me but I’m so done, the weekends come and I have nothing left to give. Dread a whole new week starting again.

Have you no family support? No parents to help out occasionally? No friends?

Give it time, how old is your child? I raised mine on my own and, particularly in the early years, I often felt like that.

The thing that saved me was having ano negotiable bed time routine (both his and mine) , as long as both of us had a good night of sleep, life was good

Unfortunately not.

Well that’s life isn’t it? I was widowed when my kids were very young and I paid for a babysitter if I was going out, but of course 98% it was me. But they are my kids and it doesn’t last forever.

how old is your child?

sorry for your loss but this thread doesn’t apply to you then, it’s not “life” ive just literally read a post from single parents all discussing their weekends plans and what they were getting up to child free.

13 - 8

Why do you have no family at all OP or even friends? This is very unusual. Are you in the UK?

I have a friend with no family but she's not from here and has a few friends. I don't have a huge network either but have a few friends too.

How many children do you have in the 8 to 13 age range?

four I think?

At those ages I think that it would be possible to sort out a break for yourself regularly. I’d look at:

• the option to flex your work so you have some daytime time off
• or a regular babysitter so that you can do a club
• or something like pgl or an activity camp wgere the kids go off for a couple of nights by themselves

I hear you OP.
I’ve had little family support. I used to ask friends to mind DS2 so I could go out for a run.
I only had child free weekends very early on after divorce but while they were a physical break it soon transpired DS wasn’t happy and so after Court I’ve been doing it alone.
Hang in there. He’s 16 now and we are very close and of course I have lots of time to myself now.
Do you know any other lone parents? I’ve found people in the same shoes can empathise. They may not have solutions but it’s good to get stuff off your chest.

I get it, even when I was married I was parenting alone. The younger years were tough!! He travelled a lot for work and even spent nearly two years working overseas-at some point during this time when the dc were only 4&5 yrs old I got my shit together and we had a good routine. Now we are alone (I left eventually) and the dc are much old teens but it all falls on me, I’m the consistent parent, the one doing two jobs, juggling the household responsibilities as well as a demanding job and navigating life with teens. Most of the time I’m OK but sometimes I think how overwhelming it all is .. didn’t sign up for this! But hey we keep going, if nothing else I’m teaching my own two boys how not to treat a wife and be a good dad. I do feel like life is passing me by quite often but it’s just what it is. Sending solidarity your way 🙌

It's not that unusual. I've got family but as they live far away I don't get any help with childcare from them. My DH doesn't see his family at all so same there. It must be so draining OP but hopefully as they get a bit older and more independent it will start getting easier

@Devilsmommy so you don't have 1 or 2 friends? A cousin or anything? I think its very unusual especially if you have kids you normally have formed a friend or 2 by now.

No, have no friends at all and no family who can help

@Devilsmommy I have no family either. Hope you didn't mind me asking wasn't been funny.

No problem 😊 I think it's alot more common than people realise and it must be so hard being a lone parent on top of that. I'm lucky I have my DH at least

Having a partner working long hours or away is NOT the same as being a lone parent. On a day to day practical level there are similarities but emotionally and I presume financially it is very different. Of course if your partner is an arse then it’s a different issue.

Thanks @limescale I should mention he was financially controlling throughout the marriage and I had no access to his wealth whatsoever and actually got myself in quite a lot of debt trying to keep us fed and watered.. I also held down a part time job (remotely) working into the night to keep some money coming in - which incidentally was paid into his bank account and I had to ask for often waiting days for it to be paid by which times utilities bounced and bank charges wracked up. He also cheated whilst living the high life many times and was a complete narcissist. By the time we left I was a shell of my former self but I raised my boys regardless, alone jumping through many fucking hoops / filling in forms and obtaining not one but two Autism diagnosis. I shouldn’t have to explain this but your assumption of my lone parenting life (and it was most definitely me and only me) is very wrong. Oh and we end d up in temporary accommodation miles from the schools because that c*nt refused to leave the house .. we left with a bag of clothes each and sleeping bags!!! You’ve absolutely enraged me, think before you make such assumptions in future. It was no fucking picnic trust me!

A couple of people in this thread saying it's very unusual to have no one to provide childcare, I don't think it is that unusual.

I'm widowed and in the same boat - I live near my late partner's family but they won't help. My own family are hundreds of miles away and couldn't help anyway due to age and illness. I have friends but apart from ad hoc playdate swaps I wouldn't ask them to provide childcare unless it was an emergency, they're busy with their own lives. Are your friend's friends really providing childcare for her so she can have a social life? I think that would be unusual.

Your kids are getting older OP so you won't need childcare in a few short years. In the meantime I pay a babysitter once or twice a month to have a bit of a life. It's exhausting though, I really feel for you.

@honon I didn't say I expected family to provide childcare. To have no friends NOR not even 1 friend is unusual.

I say that as someone with no family support myself. Single parent. As stated already I think it is unusual never to have met a friend at a baby group, not 1 mum friend through school, a neighbour with children.. in MY opinion not to have a single friend at all is a bit of a surprise. Not that I have a huge network myself.

So you don't have 1 friend either?

I do have friends, but I don't have any that i would ask to provide childcare to give me a child free evening or weekend, which is what this thread is about.

@Honon OP said she doesn't have friends at all though. If you don't have any friends to start with that's where the buck stops.

Sometimes you have to try and create your own villiage. Life is short.

At the risk of sounding like a massive show-off here, I have loads of friends, partly through effort and partly through luck (NCT group hit it off sort of thing.)

I wouldn’t ask any of them to come and look after my children regularly, unpaid, to give me a ‘break.’ One off emergency yes.