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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

1 week till baby is due and feeling quite sad!

39 replies

charlotte121 · 25/05/2008 13:10

Have been attending NCT classes which xp promised to come to but didnt bother to in the end... he went to alton towers instead. The classes were great in giving me confidence in myself for the birth and I met some lovely people there but i also found it really difficult.
All these women had loving caring partners who were really interested in the classes and who you could tell were going to be amazing and supportive to the women during labour and would make loving fathers afterwards. I however have the prospect that xp may not even turn upto the birth. He just isnt interested. I know i cant make him be intrested but i really will need the support and have got myself quite upset at the completely different situation that im going to be in when i have my baby compared with all the women at the NCT class.
I know what to expect of ex by now... he dips in and out of ds's life when he feels like it and has no understanding of what the responsibility of being a dad is. But it really does hurt that i have to do this all alone. Im only 20 so still young and actually never planned on having children untill i had completed my degree found a nice guy got married etc... the traditional pathway, so having kids this way has been quite a shock but has also enriched my life totally. I just never imagined i would have to go it alone. I want someone to be able to appreciate the cute and amaizing things my little ones are doing. Maybe im moaning over nothing... not sure. Im just finding it a bit upsetting atm. Anyone else been through something similar? x

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ivykaty44 · 25/05/2008 13:15

Oh sweety I really do feel for you, have been their and things will get better.

Just think of all that you are enjoying about your dc and he is missing out and not even realising - a million pounds wouldn't have tempted me to miss out on my dc growing up let along a few trips to alton towers!! or the like instead of being their when my dc did things.

Lots of hugs.

Have you a best friend or family member to come to the birth with you ?

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windygalestoday · 25/05/2008 13:15

your hormones are all over the place you're young,you're stressed its completely understandable that you feel sad but only you can make this a positive experience lots of ladies have babies alone lots of ladies wish for babies they might never have.

you can do this and you will,and it will make u a stronger person and one day when you're ready you will realise hes not worth the energy you invest in him and you will tell him where to go!! and then you will move forward and start the rest of your life.

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Nursejo · 25/05/2008 13:26

Yes I went through this with my DS when I was 31,and with my ExDH.I felt sad that I was alone,did all the Antenatal etc. "alone" with my Mum.My Mum was with me throughout the birth (and my dad)and they have always had an extra special relationship with my DS. Once the baby is here,it will all have a "point".After having my Son,I went to all the NCT groups,made some great friends,and still have them now.Although I wont pretend its not hard,and at times lonely,there were times when I was relieved NOT to have my ExDH around,as it wouldnt have made me happy,and I used to go home sometimes,spend special time with my DS,and then only have myself to please,no arguments etc.I went on to meet my new DH, and now have 2 DD's,and can really appreciate my Family life now,after my time alone.Special times are coming,I'm sure your baby will "fill" the empty places in your heart right now,and later I'm sure you'll meet someone worthy of you and your DC.

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shelleylou · 25/05/2008 13:35

Sorry i dont have any experience of your situation. I just wanted to say that you will do it you are such a strong person. My ds and I stayed with his dad and Nan for a few days last week and i was so glad to have my DS to myself again.

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charlotte121 · 25/05/2008 13:47

I hope i do meet someone one day who will be a great dad and role model to my kids. Also want lots more babies... so will hopefully one day actually get to enjoy being pregnant. Atm its just a struggle coping with ds who is 11 months and being so big. My mum is going to be at the birth with me as well so i wont be alone. going to stay with my mum for a week or 2 once the baby is here as she is about to start radiotherapy so we can try and support one another.
Difficult thing is i have slightly trapped myself. Alot of people around me think that me and exp are still together... this is a pride thing mainly. Alot of the people around me look down on my family because I have had had kids at a young age so if they thought i was alone as well then their comments and views would be even worse... I also told all the people at my NCT class that me and ex were still together bcoz i didnt want them to look down on me, they were all so perfect and respectable and being young i didnt want them to place me in that steriotypical box of being a chavvy young mum, i didnt think they would accept me into the group if they knew the truth but as a consiquence i keep having to lie. I dnt really like being in this position but i dnt want people to look down on me when i try so hard to be a good mum, provide for my ds and go to uni etc its soul destroying when people do that and also very lonely as i dont have many people who i can talk to about it. x

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Nursejo · 25/05/2008 15:49

C121,I found the NCT group really supportive,yes I was part of groups from an affluent area,and they were all couples,mostly younger than myself,but who knew what the future held for those couples,if the stats are to be believed something like 1 in 3 will seperate later on.But I chose to be a SAHM,which meant being on benefits,so I regularly went to the NCT sales to sell my DS's clothes and toys to enable me to buy new ones for him.Many people stay together for the sake of the children,which makes them and the children miserable.You have probably made the right decision in the long run,and put your and your childrens long term happiness first.This interim stage will pass,and you will look back later,and see that all of this "heartache" allowed you to make certain decisions to change your life for the better,and get all the things that will make you happy.My 2nd Pregnancy was exciting and lovely,having my new DH and my DS around,looking forward to it with me.There are plenty of Single Parents out there who are doing a great job,and it would take a very small minded person to look down on them IMO.

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charlotte121 · 25/05/2008 18:05

Its very tough being a single parent and on top of that im young. I think people generally judge you before they even know you. I think im quite an intelligant person, im doing a degree so I must have some sort of intellect to be doing that.
I try my best to live within my means Im not a scrounger but i do intend to start trying to claim benefits so that my finances could relax just a little, but i dont see why i shouldnt if im intitled to them and I intend to repay the system and pay tax once i have finished my degree and can get a job but a lot of people dont see it like that. They think that i have had children to get money out of the government and that im just another statistic of the shameful country that great britain is nowadays.

I had to leave my ex because he had and still has a gambling problem and stole alot of money from me. The most anoying part of it all is that it was my student loan that he stole which is money that im paying interest on and i dont think im ever going to get it back off of him. Would mean i could get a new car if he gave it back. he owes me £2500 but i dont even know where to start on gettin it back from him. he hardly ever pays his child support so what hope have i got of getting that back from him.
I go to alot of NCT sales. theres nothing wrong with it... infact it makes sense in this day and age when the price of evrything is going up and up, plus kids grow so fast.
Ex was also very possesive. Have lost contact with most of my friends because he would control if i was alowed out etc and would cause huge fights if i wanted to go somewhere without him... he has now moved on since i left him and has a new partner... and just left my life in a state. Im slowly getting it bk on track but the sad thing is i know i'll never be the same trusting, nieve outgoing person i was before i met him. x

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snotbuster · 25/05/2008 21:34

I'm 38 and went through a phase of letting all the 'perfect' parents at toddler group think I was still with XP as couldn't face admitting to being the only lone parent! Eventually let the cat out of the bag and they were, without exception, lovely and supportive. Also, as I've got to know them all better have realised that many of them have problems of their own (relationships, kids, health etc) which has put my own situation into perspective.
Glad your Mum's going to be with you at the birth - hope it all goes well for you and that you're enjoying your new little bundle soon.

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4andnotout · 25/05/2008 21:42

Hi i was in a similar situation to you when i had my dd1.
I was 19 and my xp left me when i was 6 months pg as he couldn't cope with the responsibility (he was 29 ) I went to the antenatal classes with my mum who was there for the birth.
I felt upset a few weeks after having her that he was still free to do as he liked whilst i was stuck in a flat with a baby, but she is such a delight i soon fell head over heels in love with her and motherhood.
She is now 6 and i have been with dp for nearly 5 years and im now expecting dc4 so this goes to prove that there is still a life to be had after having your dc.

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Cougar · 02/06/2008 12:00

My XP left when I told him I was pregnant. I had a degree and a fledgling career and everyone thought I was mad not to have an abortion and that it would be a total disgrace and problem. I had the baby with my mum and sister with me, fighting over who would be there. They brought their knitting expecting a long night but he was in a rush and in fact they saw my son before I did! I was very much the odd one out amongst my single childless and married friends, and it was v tough but the one thing I focussed on was keeping his father in touch, even if not actually seeing him. I am passionate about keeping fathers around unless they are total axe wielding bastards and have written articles on the subject. Anyway, long story short but finally they met when G was seven and haven't looked back - plus it freed my life up to go out, have weekends to myself, meet new people and eventually marry and have 2 more little boys! Meanwhile G is now a gorgeous 19 year old dude studying in London and he and his dad have beer and go to gigs together. A dream come true for me. Hang in there.

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dil77 · 07/06/2008 22:27

my xp left when i was 4 months pregnant for a friend of mine!
i went though the antinatal classes with the same feelings of being the odd one out, never telling anyone there the situation.
i kept thinking the worst of what people would think, thats just the thing tho, 2/12 years on, people tell me they admire me for doing it alone, it's not what i wanted for me or j ,i don't feel bad about claiming the benefits i do, i work full time and need a little help!
don't panic, enjoy your baby, the tiny months go sooooooo fast!!!!!
one good, happy parent is sooooo much better than 2 unhappy ones x

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bluejelly · 07/06/2008 22:33

I totally agree with the last statement! It is tough on your own but not as tough as when you are stuck in a crap relationship.
To the OP, have you had your baby yet? how are things? Hope you are okay

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shybaby · 07/06/2008 22:38

You are not "moaning over nothing" charlotte. I went through my second pregnancy alone after fuckwit2 disappeared on us when I was 3 months. It was heartbreaking going for scans and seeing all the loved up couples. My mum was at dd's birth and it was ok...not the same obviously but the support was there. You'll be fine.

Sorry if you already said, when are you due?

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Tinkerbel6 · 08/06/2008 11:02

Charlotte dont rely on him being there at the birth cause he will let you down at the time that you need him the most, don't worry what other people think about you as they are just guilty of being ignorant, once you have had the baby get yourself fit and well then go to the CAB and get advice about taking him to the small claims court to get your money back, you need a safe and reliable car to ferry your babies around

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LonelySingleMummy · 08/06/2008 22:26

Hi hun. Been in same position as you but baby's daddy didnt want me to keep so had nothing to do with me or now him. Went all thru preg alone and got my sis to be birth partner - have you got anyone you can ask? Time to think of you and baby, if he cant be an adult sod him! You will be fine you know, its just last minute nerves which everyone gets but about diff things. I felt so alone but I wasnt

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charlotte121 · 09/06/2008 21:07

hey ladies had a little girl, no name yet, i am writing to u from my hosp bed. labour was very short, my sister dragged me t the hosp as i thought that i wud be sent home, but was fully dialated and ready to push. xp didnt turn up to the birth but has been into visit and has rang lots. baby is beautiful, but i am getting cared of going home and im not sure how im going to cope. better go. thans for the support. charlotte x

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PussinJimmyChoos · 09/06/2008 21:09

Charlotte!! Mega congrats!! Will have to pop over and visit if that is ok - CAT me with your addy and when is a good time and I'll drive over with DS - but only when you are good and ready for visitors!!

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cosima · 09/06/2008 21:11

congratulations! Thats wonderful news. sounds like you have a lovely sister too. Having a newborn is bloody hard work but you just have to keep looking at her beautiful little face which will get more and more beautiful each day. Well done so far !

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snotbuster · 09/06/2008 21:42

Congratulations!! Enjoy your little one.

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snotbuster · 09/06/2008 21:42

Congratulations!! Enjoy your little one.

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snotbuster · 09/06/2008 21:42

Congratulations!! Enjoy your little one.

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snotbuster · 09/06/2008 21:43

(A lot, obviously..)

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meemar · 09/06/2008 21:45

congratulations on your beautiful baby

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random · 10/06/2008 07:34

Congratulations !!

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piratecat · 10/06/2008 12:25

congratulations on the bith of your dear little one!!

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