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Original poster

10 years single and NYE plans just been cancelled - feeling crap

33 replies

Elfie23 · 16/12/2024 06:46

Hi all,

Just need to write this down somewhere, feeling really sorry for myself and the loneliness is unreal at the moment.

Split with DC dad (was not good and he treated me like sh!t) 10 years ago on 23rd December. The date always sticks in my mind as DC was exactly 6m old that day.
Since then I've had 2 dates and was seeing one guy for a couple of months about 6 years ago. Nothing else. Not slept with anyone else, not been on holiday with anyone else or anything like that.

Just recently the loneliness has become overwhelming. I'm 37 so haven't been with anyone since my late 20s. I don't even know what I'd do now if I did meet someone.

Christmas this year is just me and DC having dinner together then seeing parents and sister and partner for the pm. There isn't enough room for us all to eat in one place anymore (tried at mine the last 2 years, one year there was 9 of us and you literally couldn't move, next year was 5 but I find my mum hard to deal with when she's had a drink and it was the year I didn't have DC on Xmas day so was struggling anyway without her crap).
DC is with ex on Boxing Day and New Years Eve. I did have plans to go out with a mate but she's just text to say she's not really feeling it as she's had a crap year so now I'm looking at a possible NYE alone too.

Also this year watched ex have yet another child with another woman and watched my first love get married too - just feeling really shite wondering when my turn will come and totally fed up of being on my own.

OP posts:
TheSilkWorm · 16/12/2024 06:48

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. What are you doing to make new connections? Do you put yourself out there to date?

PortiasBiscuit · 16/12/2024 06:49

Can’t you stay in with your friend? Maybe a movie night? NYE is generally awful anyway. Stay in and have a bottle of wine and be nice to each other?

Scarydinosaurs · 16/12/2024 06:50

That’s really tough. Is your friend up for a quiet indoor NYE instead?

I find goal setting really motivating. Could 2025 be your year of 12 mini goals all about you? Sometimes sharing your life with someone feels less important if you have a lot going on for just you.

I hope you find something awesome to do for new year.

Calmhappyandhealthy · 16/12/2024 06:53

Do you have hobbies? What do you do for fun?

I'm wondering if, in 2025, you could create a year of doing things for you. Which make you happy. Not hoping for a bloke to appear.....but creating a life which you love

Imtootired · 16/12/2024 06:57

I’m a single parent too so I know it can be hard. If your child goes to their dads and you want to date you should try to arrange dates when you can, even just a half hour meet for coffee. I’ve done plenty of dating but the pickings were unimpressive so I’ve given up for now. One thing I have found is a single parents Facebook page in my area. There are always events on, sometimes for kids and sometimes just the parents going out for a drink and a dance. I’ve made a few nice friends from the page. It can be really hard to make friends and I’ve had a few periods when I didn’t have many. Just keep making connections and be positive.

BeccaS34 · 16/12/2024 06:58

Invite someone to do something simple like go to a movie or get a quick inexpensive meal. Like tacos or Chinese or similar.

hulahula2 · 16/12/2024 07:00

If your friend doesn't fancy a night out could you do a nice meal or the cinema or something in the afternoon. That would take you through to early evening then you could go home, get snuggled up and have a lovely relaxing night in. It's probably a better way to begin a new year than being hungover after a big night out.

Toomanysquishmallows · 16/12/2024 07:03

So sorry to read this , you have my total empathy.

BeccaS34 · 16/12/2024 07:06

hulahula2 · 16/12/2024 07:00

If your friend doesn't fancy a night out could you do a nice meal or the cinema or something in the afternoon. That would take you through to early evening then you could go home, get snuggled up and have a lovely relaxing night in. It's probably a better way to begin a new year than being hungover after a big night out.

I think New Year’s is honestly a good time to go out, because people are friendlier than usual. Going out with a friend even in the early evening I feel like other people are more likely to say hi or things like that. It’s easier to meet people.

In my 20s one year I was on the subway at midnight in NYE, normally people avoid eye contact but we all wished each other Happy New Year. Same thing being on the Strip in Vegas a few years later.

OP if you reach out to some people or make a post on FB about your plans being cancelled it’s almost certain someone will invite you to their party. If you’re lonely I think NYE is a good night to meet single men who don’t normally go out to parties.

Original poster
Elfie23 · 16/12/2024 07:21

Wow I didn't expect so many replies so early in the morning, thank you all.

Friend is staying in with her husband so there won't be any staying in with a movie but we could maybe meet in the pm for a bit as one person suggested.

I really wanted to go out as it's a chance to meet new people, I am on dating sites etc but nothing ever comes up. All my friends are married and we don't go 'out out' very often.

I was invited by a friend to a party at a pub I went to last year with DC which they loved, but I feel it would be really unfair for me to go with friend and her family which includes DC's bestie without her x

I think another friend has some people over for NYE but I haven't been invited and don't really want to go begging for an invite if you see what I mean?

Urgh x

OP posts:
Petrasings · 16/12/2024 07:34

Absolutely go to the pub invite! Yes it might be dc’s bf but surely they will just want the best for you! Definitely go, and don’t think anymore about it. You could also offer ex to take her for just a few hours? But failing that go anyway!!!

Petrasings · 16/12/2024 07:36

I would make a New Year’s resolution to broaden your going out friendship circles too. So you can have more fun going forward!

TheSilkWorm · 16/12/2024 07:44

Go to the pub! You don't have to have a joint social life with DD!

Petrasings · 16/12/2024 07:47

Most of my local friendships are interwoven with my dc friendships - some of them aren’t even friends anymore! You take the invite and enjoy your night as you did last year. Next year dd can come and it will be much easier for you if you have established traditions of seeing certain friends at ny etc so you don’t have to worry about it.

Original poster
Elfie23 · 16/12/2024 08:13

Yeah I could go, but you know when you feel like the tag along loner? It'll be like Elfie is here with X family so she's not on her own kinda thing.
I've been to other friends before on NYE who have had house parties etc, but it would just be nice to not be that loner tag along if you know what I mean?
And the shittest part of all is watching all the other families and friends with their partners while you're stood there like a lemon.

Think that's why I'm feeling so disappointed the plans fell through as it would have just been me and friend.

Sorry for the moan just feeling really really sorry for myself today. I know I need to pull myself together and get over it

OP posts:
Original poster
Elfie23 · 16/12/2024 08:15

Think it's just hit me today how sick I am of being on my own x

Someone said broaden my circle - I play in a netball team and we do a social now and then but again everyone has a partner.

I literally have one single mum friend but we've lost contact a bit. I was making all the effort all the time so decided to wait her for the text first the next time - still waiting x

OP posts:
BeccaS34 · 16/12/2024 09:54

If you have a Facebook or you’re in a WhatsApp group post something about NYE plans being cancelled or just ask what’s everyone doing for NYE, anything I shouldn’t miss?

If you can get an invite to a party where a friend will already be there that’s great because they can introduce you to people. Treat it as a casual thing like you would in your 20s. Don’t worry what people will think, most people are too wrapped up in their own stuff.

Original poster
Elfie23 · 16/12/2024 09:59

I've got over myself and text friend who is going to the pub and asked if I can tag along. Her reply was 'of course, it will improve my evening 100%' so feeling some love now x

Sorry for the rant, I find Xmas really hard being single and 10 years is a bit of a milestone 🙈

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 16/12/2024 10:13

good plan

far better to be out with a group, than with a married friend who isn't also wanting to chat to lots of other people, and it would be rude to leave her if you go off to chat to others.

cidiyic · 16/12/2024 10:19

Sorry for the rant, I find Xmas really hard being single and 10 years is a bit of a mileston

@Elfie23 I'm sorry you are having such a hard time but I think you need to change your mindset. Maybe work towards starting this change in the new year.

Your comments are very much driven by a sense of not being ok on your own, waiting for someone to come to solve your loneliness and being very envious of other people in relationships. Like :" And the shittest part of all is watching all the other families and friends with their partners while you're stood there like a lemon. This your mindset and nothing else. Single people manage to have fun socially at parties and generally without 'standing their like a lemon'. Just like people with spouses or bf/gf go to parties alone without their partner and have a good time.

In fact, if you are feeling like your life is shitty just because you don't have a partner and are 'waiting' on some level for someone to say you, you will project this and it is very unattractive - to both potential friends as well as romantic partners.

Try this: Imagine that Fate appears and tells you catagorically that you will be single forever and never have another romantic relationship, how would you live differently? what would you do?

Start living like this and the rest will fall into place.

I'm thinking of stuff like 'I'd really like to go to that new restaurant but I'll wait til I have a date' - go on your own, go with a friend, ask someone you are acquainted with but would like to get to know better. It doesn't matter but just do stuff that interests you and live as if you will be single forever.

Also get a notebook and write down every day three things you are grateful for. It will change your mindset. Your life could change in an instant for the worse. Focussing on what you have with help change your mindset.

needahandholdpls · 16/12/2024 10:32

We are the same age, and my marriage ended 2 years ago when my DC were a similar age to yours when yours did, so I can resonate with a lot of this.

There are some really good singles groups on Facebook, not all centred around meeting someone, but they have a lot of meet ups (some in a bar/restaurant, others are more activity based like a walk/hike and a pub at the end) there's lots of events going on, mixed genders ages etc... perhaps give it a go? The Adventures Singles is a good one, but once you join one group you'll find FB will recommend others to you and they're worth a look if you don't want to spend NYE alone!

Totally understand how challenging it can be when your friends are coupled up and you feel like you're left with no plans xx

MagpiePi · 16/12/2024 10:47

cidiyic · 16/12/2024 10:19

Sorry for the rant, I find Xmas really hard being single and 10 years is a bit of a mileston

@Elfie23 I'm sorry you are having such a hard time but I think you need to change your mindset. Maybe work towards starting this change in the new year.

Your comments are very much driven by a sense of not being ok on your own, waiting for someone to come to solve your loneliness and being very envious of other people in relationships. Like :" And the shittest part of all is watching all the other families and friends with their partners while you're stood there like a lemon. This your mindset and nothing else. Single people manage to have fun socially at parties and generally without 'standing their like a lemon'. Just like people with spouses or bf/gf go to parties alone without their partner and have a good time.

In fact, if you are feeling like your life is shitty just because you don't have a partner and are 'waiting' on some level for someone to say you, you will project this and it is very unattractive - to both potential friends as well as romantic partners.

Try this: Imagine that Fate appears and tells you catagorically that you will be single forever and never have another romantic relationship, how would you live differently? what would you do?

Start living like this and the rest will fall into place.

I'm thinking of stuff like 'I'd really like to go to that new restaurant but I'll wait til I have a date' - go on your own, go with a friend, ask someone you are acquainted with but would like to get to know better. It doesn't matter but just do stuff that interests you and live as if you will be single forever.

Also get a notebook and write down every day three things you are grateful for. It will change your mindset. Your life could change in an instant for the worse. Focussing on what you have with help change your mindset.

You’ve obviously not been single for years on end and don’t understand the amount of energy it takes to be all happy clappy with a positive mind set. Sometimes you just want to flop at home and have pointless chit chat with someone who knows and loves you, and not have to do networking and go out and have meaningful conversations with strangers all the time.

Doing things alone can just drive home how shit it is to not have someone to share things with.

I get you OP.

Toomanysquishmallows · 16/12/2024 10:56

@MagpiePi , I completely agree , when I was single , I really missed having someone to just flop with .

cidiyic · 16/12/2024 11:53

You’ve obviously not been single for years on end and don’t understand the amount of energy it takes to be all happy clappy with a positive mind set

@MagpiePi

I have actually longer I'm sure than anyone here. That's why I gave this advice because it was given to me and it really changed my outlook.

You didn't read what I said. It was the opposite of being all happy clappy. The advice is imagine you will be single for ever, accept it as a probability and live like that. If you stop holding out for a man to arrive to solve your problems, it really helps with the resentment of other people in relationships because you stop that 'holding out hope' aspect and you focus on you and making a life that works for you.

Most of the time they aren't actually very happy anyway - you only have to read the millions of threads on here about rude, drunk, unhelpful, not very nice a lot of the time, cocklodging, and so on partners that many people have.

Elizo · 16/12/2024 11:57

Elfie23 · 16/12/2024 06:46

Hi all,

Just need to write this down somewhere, feeling really sorry for myself and the loneliness is unreal at the moment.

Split with DC dad (was not good and he treated me like sh!t) 10 years ago on 23rd December. The date always sticks in my mind as DC was exactly 6m old that day.
Since then I've had 2 dates and was seeing one guy for a couple of months about 6 years ago. Nothing else. Not slept with anyone else, not been on holiday with anyone else or anything like that.

Just recently the loneliness has become overwhelming. I'm 37 so haven't been with anyone since my late 20s. I don't even know what I'd do now if I did meet someone.

Christmas this year is just me and DC having dinner together then seeing parents and sister and partner for the pm. There isn't enough room for us all to eat in one place anymore (tried at mine the last 2 years, one year there was 9 of us and you literally couldn't move, next year was 5 but I find my mum hard to deal with when she's had a drink and it was the year I didn't have DC on Xmas day so was struggling anyway without her crap).
DC is with ex on Boxing Day and New Years Eve. I did have plans to go out with a mate but she's just text to say she's not really feeling it as she's had a crap year so now I'm looking at a possible NYE alone too.

Also this year watched ex have yet another child with another woman and watched my first love get married too - just feeling really shite wondering when my turn will come and totally fed up of being on my own.

Oh this isn’t essy. My own situation is not dissimilar. This will be my second NY alone. That doesn’t really bother me, maybe a little. I’m going to try to focus on other things. Have you got any hobbies? Anything you are looking forward to? Would you try online dating?