Independant Women!?

[juneybean]

I see alot of threads in here referring to exes etc but I am wondering if there are any mummies here who have gotten pregnant on their own??

I don't have a partner (don't really care for one either) but would love kids!

I'd like to hear from like-minded peoples :P

xx

They owe me 1000, trying to get hold of it is such hard work. If i owed it them! Well.........

Anyway, wrong thread, take care juney, and don't confuse loving babies with having one x

No,,,,,,,, the consequences of having a child alone at 22 and 32 are completely and utterly different. Not the same, in the slightest.

You say you want a baby Juny... Do you want a child?

Do you want a 9 year old who screams "I hate you you disgusting old woman!" when you are only 32?

Do you want to be your 15 year old son's friend's MILF when you'r 37?

are you ready to deal with a teenager and a 5 year old and a 12 year old?

What are you going to say if your 10 year old breaks down when you are 33 and says she should never have been born, why could you not have waited to see what has happened, I want a dad like all my other friends have, where is my DAD?

Because accidental pregnancy and adoption are very different ... Dad was not an option ... but I had my baby at 22, and it was TOUGH. I thought I was old enough and wise enough and I WAS - for a baby.

But Now I'm 27, and I have a 5 year old.

And he says things like
"Mummy, when I am a big man, I am going to buy you a nice big house and a car"

And my heart feels like it is in a vice, because I SHOULD HAVE WAITED until I could give him the things he so richly deserves.

I would give it another 5 years before you decide, because babies change your life FOREVER. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that when you are not with them, it's all back to normal. Nothing is ever the same again.

Go and travel the world. Take a second job, save up some money and go to Thailand, Australia, grape-picking in France, au pairing in America. Don't sling your youth away on someone who will never see it for what it is - your child. Once you have children, someone always thinks you are old and boring!

Because Kama, if you are a good mum..... there is no get out. You sacrifice your life. You miss out on a lot. At 33 you are ready to, at 23 you aren't. You do at first, but then you have to grow up and be an adult.

No ... but I think on your own with no interestt or input from anyone else at 22 years old is a very hard first pregnancy. It would be hard at 32 of course, but at least you would have some memories of being an adult for longer than a few years!

Well i think once you get a bit older you wish you had your freedom before children if you were going to be alone. As freedom introduces you to all manner of new life experiences that would help you embrace motherhood.

No Kama, i was just 23 when i was pregnant, i am now 33....i have been a single mum for as long as i can remember. I love my children, that has never been an issue. But... i have worked out... as i got older..... why on earth i didn't learn to love myself first. I also travelled quite a lot before having children and i miss that freedom.

I also don't believe a child is the be all and end all...... and when i hear women on hear talking about that,,,,,,, i don't get it...... what i need now,,,,,,, is to find out what makes me a woman and a lover and a person.

I don't believe you find the greatest happiness in having a child, the greatest happiness comes from loving and knowing yourself.

I have ( so far) done a good job with my babies, but no...... it is not the happiest day of my life when i see them...... they will come when i am at the best i can be.

It is incredibly sexist to suggest a woman with a child won't work. My sister paid for all her IVF and sperm importation with her own money, works full time and has never been on benefits. I am a single mother of five and I support 5 children (and an ex husband) and have never claimed any benefits. To suggest people who have children don't work is just wrong. Loads of single parents work full time and pay for childcare.

I was ready to have my first child at 22 (which I did). I was married and always worked full time. That's a separate issue from whether to have children without a man.

Given most domestic violence is men to women, 40%+ of marriages fail etc and how expensive it can be as a woman paying out to a man in a divorce (in my case) there is presumably a case for ensuring one lives without men as far as possible although I suspect married mumsnetters won't agree.

Damn good point there, Xenia, and add in the fact that married women have the highest incidence of mental health problems, and married men the lowest, then add in on top the way the balance of housework tends to spread in a house with two working adults when one happens to be male and one happens to be female, and there is a strong case to demand some sort of lotion for whenever we are inflicted with the creatures!

Surely whether you're ready at 22 depends on the 22 year old? Some will only just have, barely know how to use a washing machine and generally not have a clue. Others will have been working for several years, running their own home and dealing with the day to day grind of adult life. These two people are not going to be in the same position wrt having a baby/child.

It is undeniably tough - and of course you make scarifices - but so does every mother. On the upside - when you're in your forties, and arguably have a better idea of what to do with your life/freedom etc. you'll be getting those things back. Personally I reckon Australia might still be there

only just have left home/uni

and sacrifices not scarifices

Need more tea!!

I think it depends on the person, not their age. Some people aren't ready to have children at 22, 32 or 42 - they simply don't want them or the disruption they'll cause (and they will in the best possible way).

I think you have decide what is best for you but do think about having a RL-dad for your child if you go ahead.

I had my ds at 21, he is now 12. I am all the things smug described, and have heard alot worse!! I got pregnant by accident, I choose to have the baby on my own, the man was just a short term relationship, so I knew from the beginning that it was just me, but the choice was not to get pregnant on my own as yours would be, that I couldnt have done not at 22.

Was I ready to be a mum at 21, no, had no idea what was about to hit me tbh, but I coped, still do, but given a choice, no I would not have done it.

But I would like to say, imo 22 is not an age I would want to choose to have a child on my own, and one thing I noticed after I had my son and life setteled down, is I never new the amount of things I could have done, travel, life experiences, I never considered them until I couldnt do them! Have a think about life and the experiences you would like to have and share with your dc, there maybe things you want to see and do that just arent compatible with a baby in tow.

You can have a child be a great mum, pay your own way, and do anything you want to do at 22, yes yes yes, but that is not the easy way. Listen being a mum is the hardest job there is, it pays shit, there are no days off, it gets in the way of life, friends, love, it demands 100% of your time, it lasts for a life time and there is NO going back, you will miss out on things, you will loose friends, its not an easy life, and yes you gain a wonderful amount of other things, but it doesnt come for free, and its not easy.

My advice for what its worth, live a little, do some crazy stuff, enjoy your time as a single person, learn some lessons, and you may if you are lucky meet a gorgeous guy who wants to make lots of babies with you, just have a think about it, and have lots of fun.

The whole point of my OP has been completely disregarded, I did not ask for opinions on whether I should have a baby at 22 or 42.

I was asking about how other woman had gotten themselves pregnant on their own.

I am by no means going to run out tomorrow to get pregnant.

Nor am I going to be put off by you telling me children cost money and grow up and call me nasty names thank you very much.

I got pregnant on my own with donor sperm. But I did it at 42, not 22, because it was getting too late for me to have a child any other way.

It's immensely hard work but hugely rewarding. But I wouldn't have done it at 22 tbh. Being a single parent is not easy.

Juney thats not people trying to put you off, thats a fact, but you want the fluffy side, yeah, I had a kid on my own at 21, and its great. Happy now?

juneybean, they are just trying to look out for you thats all. Dont get so irate.

It is really not easy bringing a child up on your own. I know you cant imagine this now.

My sister imported the sperm from the US because they tell you more about the donor there and you get much more choice. Other people use a one night stand I suppose or a gay friend who would like to be a father.

I wasn't trying to be irate shybaby, I apologise if I came across so.

I just did not need people assuming I'm going to have a baby at 22?

Colacubes, where did I say I wanted the fluffy side?