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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Independant Women!?

55 replies

juneybean · 25/04/2008 22:08

I see alot of threads in here referring to exes etc but I am wondering if there are any mummies here who have gotten pregnant on their own??

I don't have a partner (don't really care for one either) but would love kids!

I'd like to hear from like-minded peoples :P

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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MascaraOHara · 25/04/2008 22:10

Not me but I did meet somebody once who wanted children who agreed with a friend from overseas to produce a child.. I think it worked out pretyt well for her.

Judy1234 · 25/04/2008 22:12

My sister is a single mother by choice via sperm donor (imported from the US as they tell you more about the donor there than in the UK). She has twins on her own and doesn't want a man. It wouldn't suit me but it's what she chose.

Original poster

juneybean · 25/04/2008 22:17

Ooh did she have to pay alot for that Xenia?

I found a UK one the other day but it seemed very cheap compared to what I'd heard in the past!

OP posts:

BreevandercampLGJ · 25/04/2008 22:21

Now the question is.............. if you decide to be a single mum are you going to put your hand out for single persons benefits ?

Single mums benefit is a safety net for genuine hardship, not for people who decide to get pregnant but not involve a father.

madamez · 25/04/2008 22:24

My advice would be: find a man who would like to be a dad but doesn't really want a couple relationship (or indeed full-time fatherhood) but who you get on comfortably with. I am a single mum, got pregnant after a bunk-up with a longstanding drinking buddy and though it was a bit difficult when I was expecting and for about 9 months after DS was born, everything is now really good, we are amicable co-parents to a son we both love to bits.

Original poster

juneybean · 25/04/2008 22:33

Bree - definately not, I am so against people who just want to live on the state instead of getting off their butts (when they CAN indeed get off their bottoms!)(I hope I don't offend!!)

Madamez - that sounds like a good idea!

OP posts:

MascaraOHara · 25/04/2008 22:50

What are 'single persons benefits'?

fairyfly · 25/04/2008 22:53

Yes, i am a single independent mum, but i don't get this thread.

I also think single mums on benefits are fine, as it certainly got me out of a lot of mess and on my way to being independent.

BreevandercampLGJ · 25/04/2008 22:58

Fairy Fly

I have no problem with women who find themselves single and need single mums benefits, or indeed girls who find themselves pregnant and their support disappears.

I am talking about someone who makes a conscious decision to become a single parent.

MascaraOHara · 25/04/2008 23:01

no, I mean what are they? I'm a single parent and I'm not aware of any benefits that are specific to Single parents..? I'm genuinely confused.

there are child tax credits, working family tax credit etc but they are not specific to single parents. the only tax relief I get is that I get discount on my council taxt because there's only 1 >18 living at the property but again that is applicaable to anybody living on their own.

fairyfly · 25/04/2008 23:05

Sorry ljg, i have just reread the thread, yes i get your point.

You get single parent allowance for all sorts of things mascara.

MascaraOHara · 25/04/2008 23:10

what for? what is it? I've never even heard of it?.. I might be missing out!

Original poster

juneybean · 25/04/2008 23:15

Fairyfly my thread is aimed at though who like LGJ said "make a conscious decision to become a single parent" i.e getting some sperm to have a baby.

I just want to hear from others and their experiences of going through the process as it's something I've been thinking about

OP posts:

fairyfly · 25/04/2008 23:15

Well what do you do mascara. i get an extra allowance on my grant. On income support you get more. And i am sure with tax credits you get more as they are only taking into account one income.

fairyfly · 25/04/2008 23:16

Ahh juneybean, do you mind if i ask some questions then? Do you work? How old are you? Why do you want to do that?

MascaraOHara · 25/04/2008 23:18

I work FT and I'm not entitled to any benefits (afaik). I think I am/was entitled to some CTC but they refuse to give me any money as apparently they over paid me in 2005

Original poster

juneybean · 25/04/2008 23:20

I have worked full time since I was 16 years old, I am now 22 years old.

I haven't had a boyfriend in a good few years...but I haven't been looking either.

I've always wanted a child of my own and had toyed with adoption but would like to explore all ways and means before deciding upon the one for me :D

OP posts:

fairyfly · 25/04/2008 23:26

Juneybean, just wait, you don't need a baby and it wouldn't be fair to have one. You need to live a bit first. Wait a while. If you still feel the same, then go for it.

Mascara, i would get on there backs, my god,,,,, half the people in my village have tax credits and they earn a fortune, the cut of is a huge wage.

Remotew · 25/04/2008 23:26

Hope this thread can avoid the single parent benefit row, please.

I had a baby knowing full well that the father wasnt going to be involved (whilst hoping deep down that he would be). I'm glad I had her and although I've had a few relationships since she was born I've done it all single handed. Almost given up on men now but she is by far the best thing that ever happened to me and more important than any man will ever be to me.

MascaraOHara · 25/04/2008 23:35

FF - I've never been entitled to WFTC but am trying to get a straight answer out of CTC people. they keep saying they've sent me a letter but funnily enough I never receive it

Remotew · 25/04/2008 23:41

The cut off is around £50K for the basic and I've worked it out at around £22K for over the basic but that's for one child and no child care.

fairyfly · 25/04/2008 23:43

Funny that isn't it! I am owed money off N power, apparently they sent me a letter and closed my case as i didn't answer the letter.

What letter?????

Bad thing is...... you can't go into an office and speak, it's all down the phone!

If i was you i would just apply, like a newbie. see what happens then.

madamez · 25/04/2008 23:45

Juney: 22 gives you a lot of time before you need to worry about your fertility plummeting (I had my adored but utterly unexpected DS at 39). Give yourself at least a couple of years to think about what you want your life to be like, and what you want to do with it before embarking on a hunt for a sperm donor (and I would say exactly the same to a partnered woman of 2farking2 who was hellbent on immediate motherhood). Of course, life is what happens when we are making other plans, but having a baby won't fill all your gaps and fix all your worries. It's one of the two most irrevocable decisions you can make (the other being suicide).

Original poster

juneybean · 25/04/2008 23:52

Thanks for your advice ladies :D I am definately not going to dive into any deep water without properly thinking about the consequences. hugs

OP posts:

Remotew · 25/04/2008 23:55

I agree Juney that you are still quite young in child bearing years. I was 32 and not at all maternal until around 6 months before I got pregnant, but everyone one is different and there aare advantages and disadvantages to having children younger. I just feel that you have plenty more time.

Fairfly, funny isnt it? N Power put a £400 credit into my account without informing me. Finances were in such a mess that I didnt even notice until a month later when it had gone .

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