Sleeping arrangements

GrandadArthur · 2024-09-10T14:51:10+00:00

My son has his (2 year old) son 2 days a week. Until recently he was in a travel cot in my son's room, this was distracting as he was hard to settle and kept waking up. We moved him downstairs at bedtime on to a futon, if he wakes for a drink or needs a nappies change one of us sit with him until ho goes back to sleep. We find this arrangement good as he sleeps longer and seems happier. However, his mother found out and says that this is neglect??? Anyone have thoughts on the age when children should have their own room as it seems she is using this as a device to stop visitation. She wants my son to move his child back into his room where he sleeps with his partner which I personally feel inappropriate

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Wavescrashingonthebeach · 10/09/2024 15:55

Downstairs where??? In the living room? By himself????? What child proofing is there in place- baby gates, no blind cords, no choking hazards. Is the TV in there can child pull it onto himself?
There's no way I'd want a 2 year old of mine unaccompanied in someone's living room until I'd risk assessed the fuck out of it.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 10/09/2024 15:57

Have you converted one downstairs room into a bedroom for him?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 10/09/2024 16:07

You really need to clarify this. Because as it stands yes it is neglect to leave a 2 year old alone at night in an unsafe room.
Why is it inappropriate for them to sleep in same room as their Dad? Why isn't new girlfriend sleeping on the futon on these nights or even in her own home?
If I was this child's Mum I'd be going ballistic.

InTheRainOnATrain · 10/09/2024 16:13

Why would it be inappropriate for a Dad to share a room with his toddler? Do you mean because there’s a new girlfriend? Perhaps your DS should have considered this before moving his new girlfriend in…

Sleeping downstairs doesn’t sound ok if it means the space isn’t baby-proofed and he has access to all the hazards in the kitchen but if it’s a closed off room that’s safe for him and contained then that’s different although I still wouldn’t love a child so young on a floor on their own and would perhaps suggest the girlfriend goes on the futon on contact nights until he’s a little bit older.

BodyKeepingScore · 10/09/2024 16:31

There's a lot of "we find" and sharing of your own opinion on your grandchild's sleeping arrangement... you're not their parent for a start.
And it would be more appropriate for your son and his gf to sleep downstairs than it would be for a 2 year old child to be left sleeping unattended on a futon.

littleoldme3 · 10/09/2024 21:35

@GrandadArthur If I was the mother of the child, I’d also be furious about this. If the child is staying at your house then he needs a safe sleep space, whether that’s in a room with his dad or in a bedroom of his own which is appropriately “baby-proofed”.
Cant the partner sleep on the futon and the child sleep in with his dad? Or the partner stay at their own house for the 2 nights a week the child is staying?

Sleeping downstairs alone on a futon really is absolutely ridiculous at 2 years old. We live in a bungalow with a (relatively sensible for his age) almost 4year old DS and I still have the place fully baby proofed as I worry about him getting access to the kitchen, or unlocking the door etc!

icantfindmyphone · 10/09/2024 21:50

This is not acceptable.
Distracting to who ? You ? FFS . He is a baby . Away from home. He doesn't yet feel safe with you , of course he won't settle. What so you bring him downstairs, so he feels he's with people and can sleep, and then bloody well leave him there so you can get a good nights sleep. Absolutely neglectful. You don't deserve to have him Grandad Arthur

Sadmamatoday · 10/09/2024 22:25

Why are you changing his nappies in the middle of the night??

TomatoSandwiches · 10/09/2024 22:29

So ALL the adults in the house are upstairs and a little 2yr old is alone downstairs on a futon?

I'm not surprised his mother is pissed off, I wouldn't be ok with that either.

You can't honestly think this is ok.

SkaneTos · 10/09/2024 22:29

Can you clarify?

Do three adults sleep upstairs? You, your son, the partner of your son.

And your grandson sleeps downstairs?

hardtocare · 10/09/2024 22:34

I'd raise merry hell as the child's mother too unless there's a massive update on the way

As476 · 10/09/2024 22:36

I don’t wish to sound judgemental but your son is a weekend dad, with a new girlfriend and can’t put the needs of his own son first? I would be absolutely fuming if I found out my child was on a completely different floor, all alone from all the adults in the house. My child would not be going there again. Can’t your son put a toddler bed in his own bedroom? And have the girlfriend sleep on the futon? My son was accidentally left at nursery by the staff when he was 2 and he was only on his own for an hour and it was a huge safeguarding risk. The nursery was almost closed down due to it. I was livid.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/09/2024 23:07

I'm on her side.
Surely the adult girlfriend should be the one to sleep downstairs on the futon, if anyone has to?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/09/2024 23:08

She's not 'using it as a device to stop visitation' she's stopping over night visits unless she is reassured their son will be safe and he won't be neglected and scared.

TheShellBeach · 10/09/2024 23:11

It does sound like neglect.
Can you clarify why the child can't sleep upstairs?

TheShellBeach · 10/09/2024 23:13

Is it the new girlfriend (surely she can't be classed as a partner) who is driving this?

littleoldme3 · 11/09/2024 06:47

As476 · 10/09/2024 22:36

I don’t wish to sound judgemental but your son is a weekend dad, with a new girlfriend and can’t put the needs of his own son first? I would be absolutely fuming if I found out my child was on a completely different floor, all alone from all the adults in the house. My child would not be going there again. Can’t your son put a toddler bed in his own bedroom? And have the girlfriend sleep on the futon? My son was accidentally left at nursery by the staff when he was 2 and he was only on his own for an hour and it was a huge safeguarding risk. The nursery was almost closed down due to it. I was livid.

@As476 - completely not the point of the thread, I know, but I need to know more about this 😳 your child was left at nursery by the staff?!?! 😳😳 I’m not surprised you were livid!

Psychologymam · 11/09/2024 07:07

So dad got new partner and put 2 year old downstairs (on a futon - is that appropriate mattress wise?), in a tv room so I’m assuming lots of risks, so they can get a better night sleep. How do you monitor him? It’s not hard to see why she has a big issue with this.

Terracata · 11/09/2024 07:24

Child needs a proper bed, proper mattress (not a futon) and a consistent, safe bedroom. Doesn't matter if this is a shared room with a parent. Are there other adults also sleeping downstairs or is the child downstairs on their own? What else is in the room with the child?

Starlight7080 · 11/09/2024 07:26

The mum is correct. What is wrong with you? Put a cot or toddler bed in your sons room. Tell your son to grow up and be a parent .

Starlight7080 · 11/09/2024 07:28

Also as the grandparent you should know better . Your son is not the important one or his girlfriend. It's your grandchild!

HRCsMumma · 11/09/2024 07:30

littleoldme3 · 10/09/2024 21:35

@GrandadArthur If I was the mother of the child, I’d also be furious about this. If the child is staying at your house then he needs a safe sleep space, whether that’s in a room with his dad or in a bedroom of his own which is appropriately “baby-proofed”.
Cant the partner sleep on the futon and the child sleep in with his dad? Or the partner stay at their own house for the 2 nights a week the child is staying?

Sleeping downstairs alone on a futon really is absolutely ridiculous at 2 years old. We live in a bungalow with a (relatively sensible for his age) almost 4year old DS and I still have the place fully baby proofed as I worry about him getting access to the kitchen, or unlocking the door etc!

Completely agree

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 11/09/2024 09:56

icantfindmyphone · 10/09/2024 21:50

This is not acceptable.
Distracting to who ? You ? FFS . He is a baby . Away from home. He doesn't yet feel safe with you , of course he won't settle. What so you bring him downstairs, so he feels he's with people and can sleep, and then bloody well leave him there so you can get a good nights sleep. Absolutely neglectful. You don't deserve to have him Grandad Arthur

I imagine the son and his girlfriend watching TV (and shagging) is distracting baby keeping him awake hence not settling.

TheShellBeach · 11/09/2024 11:08

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 11/09/2024 09:56

I imagine the son and his girlfriend watching TV (and shagging) is distracting baby keeping him awake hence not settling.

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Yes, I thought that as well.

Gonk123 · 11/09/2024 11:11

What if little one wakes in the night…who is on hand…you need to clarify the points raised to get a better informed response…