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Original poster

Ex obligation to provide a home for his children

48 replies

Ipdipdoo · 19/08/2024 20:55

It’s been a reasonably amicable split up until now. I work part time and look after our 3 children. I live in our mortgaged home held in joint names. He has parental responsibility but we were never married. He pays the mortgage and provides a basic sum weekly to contribute to some of the household expenses. He sees them as and when he chooses to but not overnight (middle child once a month stays over)
As he was free to work full time it was agreed he would pay the mortgage as I am not able to with my part time work and looking after the children.
He now says he may no longer pay the mortgage but I’m not sure what my rights are. I am waiting to speak to a solicitor but it won’t be for a week.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 19/08/2024 20:57

I think realistically in most cases legally he wouldn’t be expected to fully pay the mortgage on your house. The fact he will need to pay for accommodation for himself will be taken into account.

who owns the home?

Hohofortherobbers · 19/08/2024 21:02

As you were never married you're likely to have no rights beyond child support.

Blushingm · 19/08/2024 21:03

Why should he pay the mortgage? He's obligated to pay maintenance and that's it.....maintenance goes towards the mortgage but you are liable too, why should you live for free?

Original poster
Ipdipdoo · 19/08/2024 21:03

The family home is in joint names. He owns 3 buy to let properties in his own name. All 4 properties have large mortgages unfortunately.

OP posts:
Dahliaaaa · 19/08/2024 21:04

Save the money and don't waste your time seeing a solicitor. He needs to pay CMS and that alone. He has no responsibility to pay your mortgage or bills, beyond his responsibility to the mortgage provider. You need to look at selling the home and finding somewhere else to live

JohnofWessex · 19/08/2024 21:06

The mortgage is a joint and several debt if its in joint names so if he doesnt pay then it will impact on his credit rating as well as yours

MillyMollyMandHey · 19/08/2024 21:06

The properties in his own name aren’t relevant as you’re not married.

You don’t have any rights, tbh. The house should be sold and proceeds split.

Lodge a claim with the CMS for child maintenance.

ToffeeHammer · 19/08/2024 21:07

Legally you're only entitled to child maintenance based on a % of his salary. If such a case was to go to court the house would be declared to be sold and you each receive a split.

Under UK law is is not legally obligated to pay for the children's home.

Sirzy · 19/08/2024 21:08

the best way forward is to sell the house to separate your finances from his. The longer it is in both names the more complex it will become

Bemusedandconfusedagain · 19/08/2024 21:11

Unfortunately as you're not married he only has to pay child maintenance in accordance with the CMS calculator. If you can't afford the mortgage the house will have to be sold.

StopInhalingRevels · 19/08/2024 21:14

Zero obligation for him to house you. And you can't afford the house you live in. So you'll need to sell up, take your share and move. Or he'll need to buy you out, and you move. And if you say there's a huge mortgage, it doesn't sound like much equity is coming your way. It sounds likely that you will have to rent and get topped up with UC to afford it.

The horse has rather bolted here but this is one reason showing exactly why you get married first, not have 3 children with zero security.

ByCupidStunt · 19/08/2024 21:14

Go and see a mortgage broker to find out how much they will lend you.

When you have that information, you'll be able to better plan for the future.

DarkForces · 19/08/2024 21:17

It's not quite true that if you're unmarried that there's no obligation beyond child support but it's a complex area of law. There's a decent overview here and you'd need legal representation that may cost more than you care to risk or may gain becket-chambers.co.uk/articles/constructive-trusts-a-brief-overview/#:~:text=A%20constructive%20trust%20is%20a,another%20person%20in%20that%20asset.

Original poster
Ipdipdoo · 19/08/2024 21:17

Thank you all for your messages. I really do appreciate you taking the time to reply. I did suspect as much but as I’m having to wait for legal advice I wanted a bit of a heads up on what to expect.

OP posts:
meditrina · 19/08/2024 21:17

You have split up, so you need to move towards supporting yourself.

You were not married, so his other assets are not relevant.

It seems he has funded you for a while since the split, but it's not reasonable to expect him to do that indefinitely. A transition period, whilst you work out your next steps, seems fair. From your description of the child contact pattern, it sounds as if this has lasted several months already.

What are your plans for the longer term for accommodation you can afford on a single wage? Can you up your hours? Retrain to be eligible for higher paid work?

Selling up and starting afresh is a very common solution if you cannot afford to buy your ex out.

Have you taken financial advice to work out what the affordable options are for you going forwards?

Mondayhermit · 19/08/2024 21:17

Yours is a perfect case study in the disadvantage of not being married. Your rights are greatly reduced. You need legal advice quickly. Your ex partner has no legal obligation to provide a home for you and the children.

Mickey79 · 19/08/2024 21:21

Him continuing to pay the mortgage for a house he is no longer living in was never going to be anything other than a short term plan. He needs to house himself too and realistically, to move on you both need to be separated financially. It sounds like the house will need to be sold, with the equity being split between you ( assuming ownership is 50/50) .

DoreenonTill8 · 19/08/2024 21:25

How old are the dc?

Original poster
Ipdipdoo · 19/08/2024 21:26

6, 12 and 17 are there ages

OP posts:
ToffeeHammer · 19/08/2024 21:34

Can you now look for a full time job as they're all in school and only the 6yo needs wraparound care?

Original poster
Ipdipdoo · 19/08/2024 21:44

I am looking to increase my hours but even if I go full time I won’t be able to afford the mortgage on my own without even factoring in childcare costs for the youngest. It may be a blessing in disguise as even though I said the split was amicable to date it wasn’t a situation that was good for my mental health.

OP posts:
tiredandexhausted1995 · 19/08/2024 21:55

Previous posters are correct that now you have split (and were unmarried) you are only entitled to the CMS figure. If he is happy to pay extra (mortgage, bills etc) they you may choose to look at it as him contributing more for his children's benefit but at any time he can choose to give only the CMS amount.

If you are worried that he may do this in the near future use this time wisely to get your ducks in a row just in case. As you were not married that may go in your favour in that you own half of the home and therefore half of the equity (I think sometimes this can be challenged in certain circumstances but 50 50 is default unless you signed an agreement otherwise) so find out how much the house is worth and how much equity there is. Do not verbally or otherwise agree to him having more than 50% of the equity unless a solicitor advises you to, if he has paid the mortgage so that the children are with a parent instead of childcare as you are parttime then he has effectively been giving you that money for the benefit of his children so do not give him a higher share because of guilt.

If you'd like to stay in the house find out if you can afford a mortgage for his share and the remaining mortgage. if not would there be enough equity to buy something else, it will likely be a smaller property or less amazing area but it will be a property owned outright (or with a small mortgage affordable on your part time salary) for you and your children without relying on his willingness to pay the mortgage. Could a family member gift/loan you some money to put with the equity if a mortgage on your wage doesn't cover anything in your area? Lots of mortgage providers will count CMS into income as it is required that he pay so get a really good broker to help you with all of the options that you have, their fee of a few hundred £ may seem a lot but is priceless and pays for itself in the end. It would also be prudent if you can

If you don't prepare you will limit your options when he eventually decides that he wants to stop giving you more than he has to. If you can also put by some money to use to cover the mortgage (you can also ask for a payment holiday when the time comes) and bills between him stopping paying and you being able to sell and buy or re-mortgage to just you then that will be invaluable and help keep you away from putting that on credit and potentially affecting/scuppering any mortgage offer

SD1978 · 19/08/2024 22:08

You have no rights to the family home and as not married, no rights to any of his other assets. He is not obliged to pay you any more than the minimum. You need to sell the house and try to fund another property with the proceeds, and probably look for more hours at work.

Original poster
Ipdipdoo · 19/08/2024 22:13

tiredandexhausted1995 · 19/08/2024 21:55

Previous posters are correct that now you have split (and were unmarried) you are only entitled to the CMS figure. If he is happy to pay extra (mortgage, bills etc) they you may choose to look at it as him contributing more for his children's benefit but at any time he can choose to give only the CMS amount.

If you are worried that he may do this in the near future use this time wisely to get your ducks in a row just in case. As you were not married that may go in your favour in that you own half of the home and therefore half of the equity (I think sometimes this can be challenged in certain circumstances but 50 50 is default unless you signed an agreement otherwise) so find out how much the house is worth and how much equity there is. Do not verbally or otherwise agree to him having more than 50% of the equity unless a solicitor advises you to, if he has paid the mortgage so that the children are with a parent instead of childcare as you are parttime then he has effectively been giving you that money for the benefit of his children so do not give him a higher share because of guilt.

If you'd like to stay in the house find out if you can afford a mortgage for his share and the remaining mortgage. if not would there be enough equity to buy something else, it will likely be a smaller property or less amazing area but it will be a property owned outright (or with a small mortgage affordable on your part time salary) for you and your children without relying on his willingness to pay the mortgage. Could a family member gift/loan you some money to put with the equity if a mortgage on your wage doesn't cover anything in your area? Lots of mortgage providers will count CMS into income as it is required that he pay so get a really good broker to help you with all of the options that you have, their fee of a few hundred £ may seem a lot but is priceless and pays for itself in the end. It would also be prudent if you can

If you don't prepare you will limit your options when he eventually decides that he wants to stop giving you more than he has to. If you can also put by some money to use to cover the mortgage (you can also ask for a payment holiday when the time comes) and bills between him stopping paying and you being able to sell and buy or re-mortgage to just you then that will be invaluable and help keep you away from putting that on credit and potentially affecting/scuppering any mortgage offer

Thank you for taking the time to write such a detailed and long message. The house is small with 2 bedrooms and has not been maintained so the resale value is not huge. The mortgage is large and the equity not enough to buy anything outright anywhere. My credit rating is poor due to debt accumulated during the relationship which he promised to pay but never did. I will make some calculations but I think buying with a mortgage is unlikely to be possible. My youngest just received an ehcp so childcare/ wraparound would be difficult to accommodate his needs. The situation I am in to be fair is not a good one. That being said if it goes to court and the house has to be sold so be it. Having my own rented property with govt help/ social housing where he can’t just arrive unannounced, can’t hold me over a barrel, walking on eggshells, have the kids whenever he feels like it, talk to me disrespectfully, scream and shout is looking like a better option at the moment.

OP posts:
Edingril · 19/08/2024 22:21

Why would he need to provide a house if they don't live with him? Thry live with you? You both sell the house and split the money like anyone else does

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