Ex obligation to provide a home for his children

[Ipdipdoo]

It’s been a reasonably amicable split up until now. I work part time and look after our 3 children. I live in our mortgaged home held in joint names. He has parental responsibility but we were never married. He pays the mortgage and provides a basic sum weekly to contribute to some of the household expenses. He sees them as and when he chooses to but not overnight (middle child once a month stays over)
As he was free to work full time it was agreed he would pay the mortgage as I am not able to with my part time work and looking after the children.
He now says he may no longer pay the mortgage but I’m not sure what my rights are. I am waiting to speak to a solicitor but it won’t be for a week.

https://www.otssolicitors.co.uk/news/can-i-stop-my-ex-coming-house-if-we-separate/#:~:text=The%20occupation%20order%20can%20say,distance%20of%20the%20family%20home.

You might be able to get an occupation order to stop him showing up... ^^^

Have you looked into how much CMS you should be getting, would it be enough to cover some of the mortgage? İf he has three rental properties, it sounds like he has a decent income. Are you applying for all the DLA you're entitled to for your EHCP?

• your child on an EHCP, that should've said.

Thank you I hadn’t considered DLA being something I could be entitled to but having had a quick look it may be as ds has been given a full time provision for a Learning assistant at school.
my ex is self employed so his reported earnings are low. I wouldn’t go the legal route to stop him entering the home, I think the house being sold via court order is the option my ex will need to take.

Good news for you OP. . Even though the Buy To Let's are mortgaged, they will still have equity on them. . The rent that he gets AND the equity counts as an asset. You need to download the land registry details non each property. (£3) and then do research as to market rate for each one, ideally find the he advert from when they were bought or rented out. You send all this to CMS and they take it into account as an asset in addition to his earnings. (And no, he count offset work on the flats). It's capped at £2,000 a month that he'd have to give you - but hey ho ... I'm sure that will help. (It has nothing to do with providing a home for you - but you can claim against those assets).
Yes. I speak from joyful experience of the exact same thing.

Shared ownership?

UC will pay the rent element

I had no idea thank you. So if the market value is say £450k with a mortgage of £300k and monthly repayments of £1500 and rent charged at £2000. I’m guessing as I have no idea lol. They would count the £150k as assets and the £2k rent as income even though he has to still pay the mortgage?

A good friend of mine has just done this, hadn’t thought about it until you just mentioned it but I’m thinking there may possibly be a way to have our own family home. If I get a reasonable cms amount, increase my working hours and apply for ds ela as well as using the house sale equity to fund the shared ownership part

Please apply for an occupation so you and the DC no longer endure his abuse where you live.

If you know the house needs to be sold then agree to it and don't bother with the courts.

The reasons behind my decisions are if I was to voluntarily sell the house it makes me intentionally homeless, once it’s sold I won’t have enough to buy outright, so the equity will be used up to repay debts and I’d need assistance from the council to rent. Being forced to by the courts I assume would be considered differently by the council.
I may be wrong and I will obtain advice on this first. Obtaining an occupation I worry will make things worse; again I hadn’t considered it as I don’t want to antagonise him but I will definitely look into it as an option if things don’t go well and he gets abusive. He threatened to kick our oldest out the house today but later backtracked. It’s not a good situation all round but having read the replies and received some great advice I feel it may actually be ok and for the best in the long run.

Please stop this man abusing the DC.

I don't think you realise how bad it is, what could happen if it escalates.

objectively maybe I don’t 🙁
i felt obtaining evidence would be difficult

@Ipdipdoo - I can't quite remember the ins and outs of it all - I think it's more that if the flat is worth £400k but mortgage of £300k, then he has a £100k asset. I don't think the rent got included. But I can't recall as over 10 years ago for me now. But I do remember the look on his face when as a "self employed lying twit" paying £6 a week, he got lumbered with a massive payment schedule due to "assets" he thought weren't included.
Hope it gives you a direction to go off and explore. Good luck!!

If he's reporting low earnings and it's affecting your CMS, you can always report him to HMRC, which should make him have to declare things truthfully.

Good luck, OP, it sounds like you've been mentally beaten down and struggling to find a solution, but I hope you can find your strength and focus and make a good plan.

Deffo apply for DLA, it is a hard process and some people get refused the first time but usually get approved after doing a mandatory reconsideration or tribunal. It doesn't cost anything though to apply or fight a rejection, other than your time and energy. You can also get carer's allowance if you get the middle or higher rate of DLA. It may also stop your husband from being able to force you to sell up through the courts.

There's threads on mumsnet under SEN children where people will help you through the entire DLA process.

This sounds like brilliant advice.

I am so grateful to all the kind people offering support and advice 😊
I was hesitant to post but I am so glad I did. I have rung up to obtain the dla form for ds and now I have the ehcp it should help the process. I’m happy to put in the time competing and appealing it and will definitely check out the threads on here. I have got back in touch with refuge who I contacted a few years ago for there help and support and find out what evidence I need to prove abuse.
sorry to drip feed but he’s training to be a solicitor so I’m well aware that he will have a lot more knowledge and support on his side due to his connections but at the end of the day I am doing nothing wrong and am just trying to do what’s best for my children so I will do what I can. That’s why having all this advice here is invaluable for me to prepare ahead of my solicitors meeting.

I'm so glad you're making steps forwards and feeling more optimistic about things! Keep posting and don't be afraid to make a new post if this one goes quiet and you need more help and advice.

Even if your ex is knowledgeable, there is a whole wealth of knowledge and wisdom amongst some wonderful users of mumsnet, including many law professionals and women who have been through the same thing, who will be more than happy to share their experiences or guidance towards anything which crops up which he may throw at you. You can link to this thread in any questions you may need advice on.

Please let us know how it all goes. xx

Thank you.
I have been looking into shared ownership and it may actually be something that could work!

the proceeds from the house sale should be enough for a share somewhere but ideally near to my sister where houses are much cheaper.
so I would have no mortgage and just the rental part to fund.
that has made me feel so much better! To think we could have our own place without social housing and far away from my ex would be ideal 😊

Well worth going to Citizens Advice for help completing the DLA form.

If its awarded you can then get the Carers Element in UC which removes you from conditionality.

If DLA is refused then appeal as most appeals are successful without further evidence

by conditionality do you mean having to earn a certain amount each month?
I have contacted the school to help out with parts of the dla form, I will contact cab to make an appointment. As I rang for the dla form so I hope it will be backdated to that date even if it takes a while to get it completed.

Sounds like you are not getting all the benefits you are entitled to. You should get dla and possibly carers allowance. You really should look into that. Go to citizens advice

Quick question. If I ask my ex to buy me out of the home how is that usually calculated?

If it's joint and owned 50:50 he pays you 50% of the equity.

Equity being market value of house less remaining mortgage.

Make sure you get 3 valuations to determine the market value so that you don't lose out if they give a lower estimate, and don't let him get all 3 himself in case he is telling the agents there are issues with the house to pull the value down and make buying you out cheaper for himself