Employer isn’t agreeing with WFH as single mum - advice pls?

[Newmama2222]

Hi all,
I started in a new job earlier this year as freelance. I agreed to go in 1x a week as the commute is 2+ hr each way (I work 4x days a week) and to see how that went. They offered me a perm position and I accepted. My DD has just turned 2 and it is not working so well. I don’t get home until 8pm or later on the days I go in, and it’s really hard to leave at 6amish as my DD always wakes up as i
am trying to get ready. My mum who is 75 has been trying to plug in the gaps around her nursery but she’s struggling with her back so it’s proving difficult to look after a tired and grumpy toddler. I explained this to my employer who responded by asking if I can up my days to 2x a week. I would like to wfh indefinitely and go in solely for important meetings. The employer is very traditional and quite old school but the job I do is completely executable from home and even in the office I am mostly on video calls!
Any advice for navigating this? Are there any parental rights I don’t know about!?

thank you! X

Could the Dad take any role?

Great point. That’s a whole other story, but in short no. He lives miles away and his career takes precedent over mine it seems!

I completely hear this. My experience lends itself to London centric agencies and I tried to apply closer and didn’t get very far. They originally chose me due to the fact I knew their new client and had experience working with them, so I had an “advantage” as such in being able to work remotely. But I suppose once you’re more embedded they feel like they can push. It actually doesn’t state where the workplace is on the contract but our original written agreement was 1x day per week and I had already offered 2x days at staggered hours to allow me to drop DD to nursery - and they declined.

For those stating parents should not have an “advantage” what is FW for then? 🤔 I know it’s not exclusive to parents but is built around employers individual circumstances right?

Primarily a FWR has to meet the employer's business needs while accommodating the employees request for flexibility. However as you took the role only recently knowing your childcare requirements and travel times it is not unreasonable for hem to feel nothing should have changed and their needs are paramount. Was your request to stagger hours recent and formal?

a whole industry has been built up around people skiving while working from home.

But yeah, tell me again about productivity 😂

For those stating parents should not have an “advantage” what is FW for then? 🤔 I know it’s not exclusive to parents but is built around employers individual circumstances right?

Employers don’t have to take reason for FWR into account. I suspect it’s easier if they don’t - the standard forms I’ve seen ask about proposed patterns but avoid asking why.

But lots of reasons to request flexible working though, like managing long term illness, preparing for retirement, other caring for dependents eg parents, studying part time, starting a business, extra time for leisure / hobbies, working less hours to reduce pay below tax thresholds … to name a few.

Possible options that I can think of @Newmama2222 .

Firstly, I would make it about the commute, rather than childcare. That commute is not really workable.

Staying over at your mums the night before your office day so that she is not having to come out before nursery drop off.

Childminder/nanny for your office day, even if that means paying over the odds for that day.

Father takes to/sorts childcare on office day.

Mum friend or a relative that you can pay for the whole day childcare.

Childcare close to work.

Reducing contracted hours so that you can work shorter day/s.

New job closer to home.

Moving closer to work.

I’m a manager of a team. My advice is different than others.

The agreement at the start of the year was 1 day a week in the office and 3 days from home. You asked to work from home 4 days a week. They rebutted with 2 days work from home.

This is when you go back and ask for a pay increase. Well, I can work from the office 2 days a week but my costs go up by x amount (because I’m buying 4 hours of childcare each day I work and commute costs). On a pretax basis the cost is y. If they say no, then you know you look for a new job.

childcare wise, see who is operating from home as they tend to have longer hours and can do those long days. There was a period when I dropped and picked up my kids in their pajamas. Wasn’t ideal but I had to go to work. The kids didn’t suffer because of it.

The father should be paying half of the childcare cost.

Have you considered an aupair?

Don't even explain your timings. Anyone who doesn't think you are in a difficult situation is crazy. I think you should say that you accepted based on the agreement that you would be going into office x1 a week. You should then explain how this won't affect their business and provide valid points.

Them suck up to managers to get to 1 office day every 2 weeks.