Employer isn’t agreeing with WFH as single mum - advice pls?

[Newmama2222]

Hi all,
I started in a new job earlier this year as freelance. I agreed to go in 1x a week as the commute is 2+ hr each way (I work 4x days a week) and to see how that went. They offered me a perm position and I accepted. My DD has just turned 2 and it is not working so well. I don’t get home until 8pm or later on the days I go in, and it’s really hard to leave at 6amish as my DD always wakes up as i
am trying to get ready. My mum who is 75 has been trying to plug in the gaps around her nursery but she’s struggling with her back so it’s proving difficult to look after a tired and grumpy toddler. I explained this to my employer who responded by asking if I can up my days to 2x a week. I would like to wfh indefinitely and go in solely for important meetings. The employer is very traditional and quite old school but the job I do is completely executable from home and even in the office I am mostly on video calls!
Any advice for navigating this? Are there any parental rights I don’t know about!?

thank you! X

What does your contract say?

What would happen if you quiet quit by dropping to one day every two weeks? Would they notice?

You've got to make an argument that it won't be a negative on their business

Work out a way of wording it so it benefits them, more likely to be looked on favourably.

Do not mention childcare issues in case they think you want to work while your DD is at home to save money.

What does your contract say? You could put in a wfh request but it doesn’t sound like it will be successful.

You’d need to submit a flexible working request and set out why you’d like to be considered a full-time homeworker. Prior to April of this year, the expectation was that the applicant (you) would have to set out how such an arrangement would be beneficial for the employer too but the law was changed on that and you no longer have to do this,

I would, however, make it clear that you’re prepared to attend the office for essential F2F engagements.

There are no special parental rights. Being a parent (even a single one - and I do have empathy for the difficulties that being a lone parent can pose as I am one myself) isn’t a protected characteristic. But you can explain the particular limitations that your circumstances present and they can then consider your case on its individual merits. If they decline it, they’ll need to explain why it’s not viable - and, if they’re half decent, may even suggested an alternative that may be more acceptable to you, even if not exactly what you asked for.

Ultimately, however, they’re not obliged to agree. They’d have a very valid point if they were to say that you shouldn’t have applied for a job so far from your home if you knew that office-working was an expectation you’d struggle to meet. And we’ve moved far enough on now from the pandemic to understand that the move back to attending the workplace is become more commonplace again.

My advice is to be upfront and ask for what you want. Be pragmatic; prepare for the worst and start looking for alternatives closer to home, but hopefully you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

All the best x

So the only reason you want to stop going to the office, is because you getting up and leaving disturbs your daughter for a couple of hours?

Can you not drop a couple of hours so you leave a bit later?

If you are freelance, presumably you are not employed - your client is asking you to spend more time in their office. It's a lot harder to build relationships and understand the culture when you're entirely remote. As PP says, it will depend what you have agreed to in your contract as to what your rights are.

As @Goreadabookyouilliteratesonofabitch says, you have the right to request flexible working!
Your employer has to deal with your request in a “reasonable manner” or potentially face an employment tribunal.
Have a look here:
https://www.gov.uk/flexible-working

Haha no! I get in for 9am and leave at 6pm. That means I need to get the 7am train and am not back until 8pm. That means my DD is woken up on my
way out and isn’t getting to bed until 8.30-9pm on my office days. Her nursery hours are 8.45am - 4pm so my mum has been helping to plug in the gaps but she’s getting fed up. I can’t afford to pay for wrap around care as well as nursery on my salary so wfh would help me manage the nursery drop / collection too.

I’m not FL anymore, I accepted the perm role based on 1x office day per week but am finding that too tough with the above in mind.

If they don’t want to agree they will find a valid reason

I would be happy to go back to freelance to avoid the need to work in the office and be so embedded in the culture etc.. perhaps I could suggest that as part of my FWR then!

Would they be open to you going in for just one full day? Or maybe one full day and knock an hour off either the start or end of the day if you work through lunch the other?

What's the industry standard within your market? It might be worth having a look to see whether they are reasonable in their expectations or not. Unfortunately, WFH privileges do seem to be reducing in many.

@CantHoldMeDown you can be sacked for convenience in the first two years provided it wasn't discriminatory under the equality act. My point is, sometimes it's best to stretch the existing elastic rather than to negotiate for new terms. Sounds like the sort of job that isn't that easy to replace. If that's so, you have more leeway. Provided productivity doesn't fall. Problem for OP is that she's raised it already, so it will be seen as defiance of the refusal.

Is there a possibility you can go in for a shorter day. So get in at 11am and leave at 4pm or whetever to collect your daughter. Then make up these hours over 1 or 2 evenings when your daughter is in bed? I know that is not ideal but a lot of parents do this at my work.

Attendance and productivity are not the same thing.

What does your contact state? The wording is important in situations like this. Yes you can submit a FWR but they do not have to agree, if they have a valid reason for declining it, without being discriminatory, then they can do this. Being a parent is not one of the 9 protected characteristics so is not covered by the EA. Sounds like you need a WFH contract/role.

Sorry I just read your daughter has shorter hours in nursery and you can’t afford wrap around. I’m guessing you have already accounted for the hours from the government after 2. Could you consider a cheaper childminder or nursery with wraparound?

@Mintearo7 around my area most of the nurseries have these hours, she’s on the waiting list for the nursery with longer hours and has been since Feb! It’s a bit of a nightmare situation all round. But the company have lost a few key members of staff recently so I may have more leverage to ask now than before.
never know..

Sometimes they are. Have you missed all the “what do you really do all day” threads on here? It’s an eye opener!

I explained this to my employer who responded by asking if I can up my days to 2x a week.

How exactly did this conversation go? Are the two conversations absolutely 100% linked. Have they asked EVERYONE to up their days?
Have you put in a formal flexible working request?