Employer isn’t agreeing with WFH as single mum - advice pls?

[Newmama2222]

Hi all,
I started in a new job earlier this year as freelance. I agreed to go in 1x a week as the commute is 2+ hr each way (I work 4x days a week) and to see how that went. They offered me a perm position and I accepted. My DD has just turned 2 and it is not working so well. I don’t get home until 8pm or later on the days I go in, and it’s really hard to leave at 6amish as my DD always wakes up as i
am trying to get ready. My mum who is 75 has been trying to plug in the gaps around her nursery but she’s struggling with her back so it’s proving difficult to look after a tired and grumpy toddler. I explained this to my employer who responded by asking if I can up my days to 2x a week. I would like to wfh indefinitely and go in solely for important meetings. The employer is very traditional and quite old school but the job I do is completely executable from home and even in the office I am mostly on video calls!
Any advice for navigating this? Are there any parental rights I don’t know about!?

thank you! X

Can you find a job nearer?

Tbh OP i don't really get why you applied for a job that was 2hrs away from where you live when you have such a young child. Im guessing the job is in London and you were hoping to earn a london wage but then quietly hope to get away with wfh from elsewhere in the country?
I think a lot of people are going to need to come to terms with wfh gradually being rolled back - its not unreasonable for employers to expect staff to attend a workplace 1-2 days a week, its really beneficial for staff to spend time together building relationships.

oh as in people who go into the office do nothing all day or those who wfh? I personally find my office days less productive as you end up in constant water cooler chats!

If you are freelance surely you are able to choose whether to work and on what terms. However they do not need to agree to your terms. If that does not suit your employer you can agree to end the contract. Asking your elderly dm to do wrap around care was always a risk and even if wfh you cannot do the childcare while working,

The ones who wfh - or rather wiggle their mouse around while watching TV, take an hour off to walk the dog, decide not to do anything on a Friday afternoon 😂

Those are the ones spoiling it for everybody coming after them. If wfh really was more productive, businesses wouldn’t be moving towards attendance again.

Get a FT nanny or get a new job 🤷‍♀️. There is no magic work wand that will grant you special powers just because you have a child. There are 1000s upon 1000s of parents that have to suck up taking their less than ideal job for a stage in their children's life when they need more juggling. It does not get easier at school age I assure you. You need to find yourself a job that offers you the working pattern that your circumstances require.

Such a shame. Unfortunately with my job, it’s very obvious if work has or hasn’t been done as there’s a lot of document and presentation writing. I’d love to know what sort of jobs allow you to do mouse wiggling while watching tv. Maybe I’m in the wrong profession 😂

So if I’ve read your op correctly you work 4 days a week, 3 of which are from home , so you actually only have that commute 1 day a week. Tbh if you took the job on those terms you should honour them. It sounds like your employer is non too happy that when you’ve told them that’s too much they now want 2 days, possibly they’re doing this as they don’t feel you’re committed to the role if you can’t manage the 1 day a week as using this as a lever to hope you’ll leave.

Thanks @Nearlyadoctor - I was honouring it until my mum started to struggle and also how it became clear to me that I was performing above expectation while predominantly wfh. I am not asking to wfh because I can’t be bothered and I want to sit at home watching tv and they are aware of that based on the work I produce. Sometimes things are easier said than done!

You do know the cost of a FT nanny don't you? Probably more than the OP currently earns.
She was asking for advice not a bollocking like you're giving her.

Sorry @Nearlyadoctor i misread your message. The founder told me the reason he’s asked is because another employee who lives far away asked if she could also wfh more given I can. She doesn’t have a child but had raised to him the cost of travel as her reason for asking as well as the fact that I was allowed to more than the average.

Make sure you are very clear that your child will be in nursery during working hours and you absolutely will not have her at home with you whilst you are working. That might be the main concern (certainly seems to be with my company)

Thank you @blackcherryconserve - took the words out of my mouth. I dont think you’ll find many single parents who have a FT nanny unless they’re extremely high earners. I sadly am not!

Does this mean you are collecting your little one from nursery at 4pm every day you wfh? Just wondering if they are wise to it, if so.

Think you're abit cheeky taking up a job just this year, knowing the hours and that you'd have to work in the office to then try and get your own way already. I don't think you should have any rights for working at home as all.employers dont have to allow this. It's not a right. If you can't do the job then let someone else have the job and find something that actually suits you.

@Newmama2222 - I was coming back on to make exactly the point you have, that maybe someone else ( with or without a child) had maybe asked exactly the same thing, which obviously puts your employer in a difficult situation. I was in no way questioning your productivity.
It is difficult, I worked lots of locum posts as a single parent for the flexibility but I’m guessing exactly the same as you when you were freelancing there’s no paid sick / holiday / pension etc, but it made the early years easier ( no parental help available either and cost prohibitive for au pair, nanny etc) . Maybe ask your employer if you could go back to freelancing in the short term if that will give you the flexibility you need. Swings and roundabouts and all that …

Im going to be really honest but its people like you, not wanting to even come in 1 day a week spoiling the WFH culture for everyone else.

You have a child, so what, work around it, pay for care instead of relying on yr 75old mum. If you cant afford it, get a different job.

I WFH alot because of my kids, but can totally understand my colleagues asking for the same benefits i get.

There is no parental entitlement to WFH (or flexible working). Anyone can request flexible working (without giving a reason) but the business can refuse for many valid reasons.

What does your contract say about your work location / base? Because based on your posts it seems your 1 day a week in the office is already ruffling feathers because you have less travel costs and inconvenience than others in the office and its not seen as fair. If you have 1 day in office a week written into your contract then they won't be able to make you increase your days, and will just have to explain that you have a different contract to the other employees.

However if your contract says you'll be in the office as required then 2 days or more a week will be difficult to argue against. You can submit a flexible working request for WFH except for exceptional meetings but if they believe that in-office working is best for their business then they will be able to reject it easily and likely will reject otherwise everyone will be requesting to WFH more.

This is very important if you want to challange on basis of discrimination

It depends on what exactly is in your contract about WFH.

Generally I don't think going into the office for 50% of your working hours is an unreasonable request.

Travel time & childcare are your problems, not your employers.

If the current arrangements don't work for you, you need to either find better childcare or another job.

Believing that you have the upper hand because of staff leaving is foolish. It may have been easier to give you a permanent job compared to going through the recruitment process, but if it's not working out, they are just going to recruit someone else.

Ah I misunderstood your role. Employer can absolutely refuse your request for additional wfh days if they similarly have other employees, even those without caring responsibilities. Your childcare issues unfortunately do not outweigh business requirements. How long have you been employed there for?

Sorry obviously lacking reading skills today. So employer could let op go if they are awkward or a poor fit.

I have a mouse wiggler to do the hard work for me